On a hot autumn evening,
In an old van I borrowed
Sat with two blondes and buddies,
In a barroom parkin' lot
I stared at their sh#*t faces,
In this mobile bud oasis
And noticed all the traces,
Good Stoners, they were not

As we passed around the joint,
They were makin' all the wrong moves
And doin' all the bad things
That you're not supposed to do
They kept bitchin' and complainin',
Sayin' just how bad the pot was
And the puffs that they kept suckin'
Right in my face they blew

As I passed around a bottle
They drank down every swallow
One asked, why there's not any food
Said, she had an appetite..
In the van, my mood grows quiet,
I can feel the tension building
As I think, "That's pretty lame, guys"
And it sure as hell ain't right !

You got to know how to roll 'em
Know how to hold 'em
No Bogart and no Duck Ass
Take a hit, and pass it on
You never hog a joint,
Actin' like you're Gen'l Patton
There'll be time enough for chattin'
When the weed is gone

One blonde starts gettin' chummy
With a dude beneath a blanket
They're lockin' lips and suckin face,
Not passin' on the puff
On the dash I drum my fingers
Holding back a couple zingers
I can feel my temples poundin' hard
Gettin' sick of this stuff...

So, I stepped out of the Chevy,
Said, I had to drain the faucet..
I unlatched the two rear doors
Then, back behind the wheel I got
While they paid no attention,
I floored the gas and shot ahead
Dumped 'em in that parkin' lot...

Ya' got to know how to roll 'em
Know how to hold 'em
No Bogart, and no Duck Ass
Take a hit and move it on
Ya' never hog a joint,
Actin' like you're General Patton
There'll be time enough for chattin'
When the weed is gone...

Ya' got to know how to roll 'em........