People smile and treat me like I'm made of wood
But it's well and good
For the joke is understood
I'm a guy that lies and plies, I just exist
Above the wrist
From the old ventriloquist

And every show I'm talkin' funny
Some hand right up in my bummy
And every gag just brings the big applause
And in the morning in the box
The only time that I never talks
It's only every show that I get out at night

Seems as though a month ago, I played a show
Felt that hand below
Right up in my gizzard, bro
It put a smile, my face, I think I got a thrill
I just couldn't sit still
Then I fell over, took a spill

Yet every show I'm talkin' funny
Some hand right up in my bummy
And every joke just brings the big applause
And in the morning in the bin
The only time that I never sin
It's only every show that I get out at night

Maple, balsa, cotton aren't as good as pine
That's what I'm
And the painted eyes are mine
I don't see cause I'm a tree, or at least once was
I guess that's because
Yeah, someone gave that tree a buzz

Still every show I'm talkin' funny
Some hand right up in my tummy
And every pun just brings the big applause
And in the morning in the dark
The only time that I never bark
It's only every show that I get out at night

Love that guy that works my gears and holds me up
Drinks a cup, talking while we get the yuks
And that poor nut with hand in butt
Buddy, is a loon
And a big buffoon
Crazy as a bug in June

Now every show he's talkin' cutesy
His hand right up in my bootsie
And every day just brings the big applause
And in the morning with a shrink
The only time that I never think
It's only every show that I become a fright