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Song Parodies -> "The First Car Is The Heapest"

Original Song Title:

"The First Cut Is The Deepest"

Original Performer:

Keith Hampshire

Parody Song Title:

"The First Car Is The Heapest"

Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

Okay, we know Cat Stevens and Rod Stewart both did this song but Keith Hampshire was snadwiched by them and his version is far superior! Once again, as not everyone may know Keith's version (and if not, WHY ? - ha ha) - for a lo-resolution MP3 go to : www.merryandpippin.com/mp3files.htm
I would have driven it not from car-mart
But that ev'ryone scorned it for parts
And it's taken almost all of my loot
Have I been conned? At seventeen it's plain:
Baby at seventeen it's plain - you don't know:

The first car is the heapest: chugging and slow
The first car is the heapest
'Cus when it comes to petrol sucking it's worst
When it comes to parking fees it's a hearse
Back up: discover gearing's stuffed reverse
Dash lights don't glow
The first car is the heapest: speed I've for-goed
The first car is the heapest

I fill dents with bondo, dried
Just to help me try to attract a bride
'Cus I'm sure Volvos fill one with pride
And in back seat, I try to love again
Shabby upholstery - it hin-ders my 'moves'

The first car is the heapest: badly need tow
The first car is the heapest
'Cus when it comes to running clunky it's first
And our town from end to end won't traverse
And when it runs, could be it's just perverse
Black smoke it blows
The first car is the heapest: broken window
The first car is the heapest

(Gentle sound of oil dripping follows by a crescendo of squealing brakes)

Cab I should phone
The first car is the heapest: stalls in snow
The first car is the heapest
'Cus engine noise is always clanks and not purrs
When we see an auto shop we detours
Takes all my dough!

The first car is the heapest: clunky and slow
The first car is the heapest: oil blows
The first car is the heapest: to my woe
The first car is the heapest: will not go
The first car is the heapest

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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TJC - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
The truth will out and it's damn funny! Sparked a lot of fond, rusty squeaking, leaking memories for me!
John Barry - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Baby, I will five this "car."
alvin rhodes - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
ah yes, one always remembers their first...mine was a '65 mustang ...lovely parody
Rick C - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Lots of good lines here! 555
PMS - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
555. Brings back memeories of my old Ford that would only run if I was the one driving
wannabemustangjockey - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
The car may sputter and stall, but this parody doesn't!
Matthias - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
I did a front-end collision right into this parody. Do you have insurance?
AFW - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree with your philosophy.. very well done..
Dee Range - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Sounds like you drove my 63 Impala...wish I had it back. 5's
Meriadoc - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you everyone! I was lucky - it was my 5th car that was the heapest.... :-P
Martin Baum aka Baumski - August 31, 2006 - Report this comment
This parody is spot on without a hint of stretch syllables or desperate or tenuous rhyme. Brilliant AND funny.
Meriadoc - August 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Martin (BTW tho' , we LOVE desperate and tenuous rhyme, and try to use it often - hee hee) :-)
Michael Pacholek - August 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Coming from a family that had a '66 Chevy Impala and a '77 AMC Hornet, and as the former driver of a '79 Mercury Zephyr and the author of "A Matter of Rust"... I wholeheartedly and disheartenedly approve. Maybe your car can't shift into 5th gear, but this song sure did!
mandamoo - September 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I remember a young chap I once went out with owned a heap that had absolutely NO suspension to speak of - I dunno how many times I whacked my head on the roof.....not to mention the 'built in' air con......and the...oh never mind....brilliant job !
John H Qld - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Lovely use of the word heapest. I used to won a car that had fuel injection - at 8 miles to the gallon I wish I knew the word heapest then - which somehow rhymes with cheapest..
wandlimb - February 01, 2007 - Report this comment
"When we see an auto shop we detours Takes all my dough!" I can REALLY relate to that.

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