It's late at night and I'm driving home
With no good music on the radio
No one's watching, no one's gonna telephone
About me and my balls, 'coz the light's off, and we're

Ball scratchin' - itching from the crab lice
Ball scratchin' - just me behind walls
Ball scratchin' - done in by my dry skin
Got no winning ticket to scratch but my balls

And I have a ball when the lights are low
When the lights are on I just face the wall
& scratch my balls soft and slow
The rest of the world may suspect that I go

Ball scratchin' - from a slut I had cheap sex with?
Ball scratchin' - trying to scrape off my skin
Ball scratchin' - I should get a salve or powder
Before someone says that touch is a sin

As I scratch in the park so discreet
There's so much heat in these pants of mine
I feel sparks, I feel cinders, embers burning
Someday this pubic fire's gonna get me fined, 'coz I'm

Ball scratchin' - these nads are bruised and traumatized
Ball scratchin' - wish my crotch had no bugs
Ball scratchin' - gonad grabs all shot and categorized
By Miss Manners' police with no love

Ball scratchin - limpin' past their insults
Ball scratchin - they call me Prickly Paws
Ball scratchin - just an innocent impulse
It's the price you pay when you got big balls!