Instant coffee's gonna get brewed
Carried around by Juan Valdez
Tastes like it was made from leather
Just five minutes to brew at best
Filter beans through a latex glove
Add cream till it turns to mauve
A thousand brands from which to choose
It's up to you, yeah you

Instant coffee's gonna get brewed
Gonna smack you upside the face
Got seven hundred percent more caffeine,
You know it's been laced!
Drink a pint and you're gonna pee
That's just the reality
It's gonna wreak havoc on the heart
And make it start
To fall apart

So we all chug on
Like all the dudes at Starbucks
Well we all chug on
Get the buzz on

Instant coffee's gonna get brewed
Smell will knock you off your seat
Better get out the defibrillator
It can't be beat
Wiring up all of your gears
Sleep isn't even remotely near
But who in the world really cares
When Folgers shares
Increase without compare

So we all chug on
Like all the dudes at Starbucks
Well we all chug on
Get the buzz on and on and on
Yeah yeah alright uh huh yeaaaah

So we all chug on
Like all the dudes at Starbucks
Well we all chug on
On on on on and on and on

So we all chug on
Like all the dudes at Starbucks (ad nauseum)