You fill up your panties with an odd sort of package
You've a big Adam's apple, your moustache is quite large
You've a six-pack and biceps that are ripping your bodice
You fill up your panties with - what is that, a barge?

Dressed up in lace, you stick out in the wrong place, you
Have a six-pack of mace, too. You lack feminine charms,
And you've got body hair, too, and it grows everywhere, too
(Must be a song in there, too) - please leave me alone

You picked up Ronaldo in a nightclub in Rio
Demanded his money, you tried on blackmail
Not a lover of football, or at least of footballers
Now what you may sense is: you're going to jail