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Song Parodies -> "Thank God I'm An Atheist"

Original Song Title:

"Thank God I'm A Country Boy"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

John Denver

Parody Song Title:

"Thank God I'm An Atheist"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Inspired by this thread on the messageboard.

In the writing of this, however, my view did change slightly, in that these people are following what they believe to its logical (if slightly reductio ad absurdam) conclusion: if you believe that God does decide what's going to happen, and that He is a loving God, then everything that happens must be for a "good" reason, for which you should give thanks. However bad it seems at the time... It may be a logical conclusion, but is (IMHO, anyway) based on a flawed premise.

I will admit to a few liberties in the pacing - but it's in the spirit of the original ;-)
Well, Jack he showed me a hellish website
Where people thank God for all their trouble and their strife
They're thanking God for all the shit in their life?
Thank God I'm an atheist

Well I find it kinda hard, a-takin' what they're sayin'
A-thanking their Lord God for all their heartache and their pain
If that is what religion does to your brain
Thank God I'm an atheist

Well, I don't want to come across as over-moralistic
But this view of God seems majorly simplistic
If that's God's will, he's a bastard and sadistic
Thank God I'm an atheist

At least these people ain't a-whinin' and a-bitchin'
But ask yourselves: whose lives are they enrichin'?
You can keep that ol'-time reli-chin'
Thank God I'm an atheist

Is God really good? You know that's a hard 'un
'Cause the Lord is the kind who'll put snakes in your garden
And a-ruinin' your life without even a "pardon"
Thank God I'm an atheist

I wonder are these people remotely realistic
To see it as "God's purpose", an' not just a statistic
Sorry to say, I ain't that optimistic
Thank God I'm an atheist

Well I know that sometimes life really is a-stinkin'
But Hell - thanking God for an alcoholic's drinkin'?
Does Christianity prevent you from thinkin'?
Thank God I'm an atheist

Do anything? Well if He wants to, he can?
Well, who could thank God for Duran Duran?
Damn right! it's an effin' ineffable plan
Thank God I'm an atheist

Well, I ain't religious and I ain't no mystic
Hearing these guys makes me oh, so pessimistic
So I'll sing it terms so very euphemistic
Thank God I'm an atheist

When my children ask their daddy "Is God really there,
What with all the shit that happens and how life isn't fair"
And I'll say "son, looks to me you're already aware:
And thank God you're an atheist"

A lotta things happen, you can't understand 'em
It's not as if there has to be a God to have planned 'em
Look a little closer, you'll see it's just random
Thank God I'm an atheist

Ain't the Lord's behaviour so antagonistic
Narcissistic and a little chauvinistic
If I meet God, I'm a-gonna go ballistic
Thank God I'm an atheist
In a similar vein, Rick D has done one that's worth a read if you like this one.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   2
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User Comments

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Royce Miller - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey Phil, very funny title, you get credit for that alone. I can say by personal experience--something very bad happened to me in early 2007; and I know it was not God's will. It was man's will. But God is helping me through it. Cheers, Royce
Johnny D - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Lines written like the next one prove Phil's The Man:
"Well, who could thank God for Duran Duran?"
Though Philbo thinks God's as real as Peter Pan,
Thank God Phil's a parodist!

;-D
Matthias - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
I loved the title. Talk about irony!!! This entire parody was Godly.
Rick D - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
I always wanted a bumper sticker that says: "Pray to end religeous fanaticism" Named a song that instead. I'm with ya, Phil
alvin - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
thought provoking concept to be sure...well written
Red Ant - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for the mention, Phil. "...effin' ineffable..." was my favorite line. Great work here.

Since you do these so well, here's another idea for you: "What if God was Atheist" to Joan Osborne's "One Of Us".
Phil Alexander - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Royce - best wishes and all that.
JD - :-D Thanks
Matthias - Godly? Oh dear.. I'll have to try harder next time ;-)
Rick - good to see you around. Figured you might be in agreement
Alvin - thanks
Red Ant - I had to work to get "effin' ineffable" in (along with the "Duran Duran" rhyme)... but that Joan Osborne idea: brilliant. Lends itself to some wonderfully surreal thoughts. Watch this space...
Michael Pacholek - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, Lord... Some on this site won't forgive you, but God is probably laughing too hard not to.
Jack Wilson - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
This was awesome, great pacing too.
Tommy Turtle - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Johnny D stole my comment, so I'll just say that if there is a God, He, She, or It undoubtedly cringes at many of the things said and done in God's name. As the bumper stickers say, "If Jesus were alive today, he'd be rolling over in his grave", and, "Jesus is coming, and man, is He pissed!" I agree with both, Excellent, Phil. 555
John Barry - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Goddam, this is good!
Johnny D - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
What if God was Atheist?
Would He at Himself be pissed?
Would He twist spliffs, whiff their mist,
sit back, and get stoned?
Jonathan S. - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Seriously, and all kidding aside, I'm sure I could find it in my heart to pray for you. After all, if God can make a Christian out of, say, Chuck Norris, surely he can work on you.
Peter Andersson - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization". UNKNOWN
Red Ant - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil. Along the surreal thought line, I had entertained the idea that there is a God, but he is atheist, thus making everyone on the planet wrong. =)>
McKludge - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Jesus is coming. On three, everyone yell "Surprise!"
Claude Prez - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, I saw Duran Duran once, they were pretty good. Swear to God. Anyway, great title and beautifully executed as always.
AFW - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Perfect contrasting title...excellent job
Phil Alexander - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow.. what a reception: can't remember having something quite this popular on this subject :-) Thanks, everyone
Hello, Claude - good to see you around, too
Susanna Viljanen - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
555. In my opinion,it is not that you don't believe in God, it is enough that God believes in you. And what comes to Golden Rule and Dual Commandment of Love, I think you're doing fairly well - you certainly make your audience happy, and isn't that loving your fellow human being enough?
PMS - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Father, Son and Holy Ghost! I surely did enjoy this post!

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