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Song Parodies -> "Hate That Asparagus"

Original Song Title:

"Pink Houses"

Original Performer:

John Cougar Mellancamp

Parody Song Title:

"Hate That Asparagus"

Parody Written by:

Paul Wooten

The Lyrics

There's a red neck, chewin' RED MAN
Spittin' on his red Sabre's hood
He's got tobacco juice dribblin' down his 1 shirt
He wouldn't change it, even if he could

And his woman, she's a-bitchin'
Tired of moppin' up that slop
She looks at him, says "hey asshole, I'll dismember you, after you stop this GLOCK"

Ain't that hysterical, violently
Ain't that hysterical, claimin' insanity
Ain't that hysterical, know she'll go free
Little jail houses, she'll never see

As a young man, he had no shirt
Poorer than a small third world nation
He had broken teeth, gap-toothed smile
The dentist never was his destination

They told him, when he was younger
Boy, you'd better use that PEPSODENT
But just like everything else, those old yellow teeth
Just turned black and went

Ain't that hysterical, dentures you see
Ain't that hysterical, no teeth to see baby
Ain't that hysterical, mouth of the free
Little pink gummies, to mush McD's

Well there's veggies, and more veggies
All of them blow, blow blow
And they lurk in grocery isles
Some of them imported from down in Mexico
Oh damn

'Cause there's weiners, good long tubers
All I need for a meal
And some RIPPLE, man, maybe pay for the frills;
The grill and the backyard still

Hate that asparagus, worse than those peas
Hate that asparagus, those tiny green trees
Hate that asparagus, beggin ' you pleeeeease
Little pink sausages just for me

Extra verse

Well I had to sit there, 'till I ate it
Sometimes I'd sit there for a week
And I dreamed of a dog, sittin' under the table
Who was a vegetable freak

But there was no dog, and no dessert neither
Even if I begged on my knees
So when my folks got their coffee
I'd fill up a baggie, and tell them I had to pee

And I flushed that asparagus, flushed those peas
Those little green marbles. those tiny green trees
Don't feed me no brussel sprouts , I'm beggin' you please
When I grow up I'm eatin' pizza , dude, every single day of the week

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
This one is bizarre, kind of my style of writing. Excellent rhyming and pacing against the original. Makes a huge satire of Mellencamp's drawling vocal style (it took me forever to understand those lyrics of his, the way he sings them). Your extra verse is really "extra"--I wasn't as impressed with it as the rest of your song.
mac - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
I guess Agrimorfee's right about the last part. But the first part is so good that this easily rates 5's.
John Mellencamp - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
You spelled my last name wrong. :( The fifth letter in it is E, not A.
Jan Unwin - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good, I really like this. Reminds me of some of the carnies I've seen working at the fair. 5-5-5
Mouse - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody. I loved the extra verse. It described my childhood with a mean vegetable-pushing babysitter (literally sat there for hours). 5X5X5
Paul Wooten - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Mouse:You and I musta' had the same babysitter! My childhood memories are exactly where this verse came from. JAN, John, MAC, AGRI; thank you so much for your nice comments.
Mr X - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
It's nice that you appreciate feedback from John himself. I liked it too, even if his name was spelled wrong.
Paul Wooten - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Mr. X, it was a typo...I meant to put " o " where I put the ' a ' .LOL
Birg - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
GJ Paul. I LOVE brussel sprouts with cheese-YUM.(And like I said-asparagus ONLY in a can..) Ever had artichokes? EGAD
Paul Wooten - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Birg, I luv ya, but ain't ever cummin' to dinner with brussel sprouts or asparagus on the table.And broccoli makes me contemplate suicide lol.
JupitersRune - February 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Rhymin', tymin', it's all great! Toooooo funny Bro!
marthadtox - February 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul .. you should learn to love those veggies...
Paul Wooten - February 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Martha, you are right, as usual. Does sweet potato pie count:-)?
23 - February 09, 2007 - Report this comment
is that you

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