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Song Parodies -> "Now Don't Mess With Pounds, Get Slim"

Original Song Title:

"You Don't Mess Around With Jim"

Original Performer:

Jim Croce

Parody Song Title:

"Now Don't Mess With Pounds, Get Slim"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

Youtube it HERE

Chow down lots at Rustlers,
Those floury hot cross buns.
Porky laden treats get a big old Whopper®,
It's a drool chewin' meal on a bun.
Yeah, he's big, rotund, as he spans one ton,
Can no longer make the hungry pause.
And when a bad stroke gets up a lather one night,
It's the price that those Slim Jims® cost, thus, the cause,
More buffet...

They're so snug his bloomer pants scrape,
Nothin' fits over his skin,
It's so cruel the task offin' those old Wranglers®,
So now don't stress the pounds get slim.

(A tub a grub - now eat-eat-eat eat-eat!)

Well, gotta mouth he be jammin' all he can deploy,
He say he's lookin' for to grease his chin.
He be a drool spewin' boy,
So have some chili, enjoy,
And some down home chitterlin's.
Smelled some cookin' Burger King® down there on 7TH street,
He's slidin' down non-stop cattle snacks,
Feel weak so look he for yummy,
To rebound his tummy,
So he run to get some honey snacks.
His heavy body's way packed, don't ya know?

And he just loves those super pancakes,
He does spit drip on his chin,
As they turn the gas on that stovetop range there,
Bet you can't guess the pounds on him.

(A tub a grub - now eat-eat-eat eat-eat!)

Well he rushed all that he could consume,
Skinny's not stoppin' him seein' his feet.
He's a glutton, then some,
Calzoni carts, he's one quick study,
That's one goal for the big man's treat.
Yeah, round his gut takes about a hundred paces,
And then if not, take a couple more.
And he never would leave
A chunk of dinner don't you worry,
No fat trim did ignore, just no way...

Food's a "drug" he cannot escape,
He just fits under his skin,
he's so full of ass that I'd place a wager,
It could just make the sun go dim.


Yeah, get slim lose the fat,
Find out 'bout Jack Sprat.
And that's not hustlin' heaps of food to chew,
Even if you do get a twelve piece combo made for you.

So just chug those super size shakes,
You can't quit growin' more chins,
You can't pull your ass out an old Ford Ranger®,
And you can't dress it down to slim.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   25

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mark Scotti - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
555 laughs and pounds lost! I did my own weight loss plea in:
Guy - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark - I couldn't weight to read your parody - I did and it is decent. Thanks for your comment.
Fiddlegirl - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
A truly hefty parody
Timmy1000 - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I think I gained 10 pounds just reading this - very humorous, yet a good take on the great American sport of eating.
LittleMsCupCaker - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
from Whoppers ~to~ Wranglers: I love it, Sir Guy, The ~Mighty Czar o'Parody~ !
Guy - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl - Thanks - I really enjoyed pounding this one out.

Timmy - Yeah a great sport it is at that - I'm on that see food diet - I see food and eat same. Thanks for "weighing" in.

M'Lady - So nice to see you grace my comment space with your kind words, but thy praise is far too generous. It makes my day to see you acknowledge one of my writes. Thanks.
DJ Blaze - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I feel like I'm gaining weight, but this is the real deal! Let's see what the scale says.... WHAT?! 555 LBS!!!??? Anyways, great idea for a parody that feels like it should've been done long ago.
Guy - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
DJ - YIKES! 555 LBS? That is big enough to say that you are "at large". You know you have a weight problem when you get onto a digital scale and the LED just says "To be continued" or you get onto a talking scale and it says "One at a time please". Thanks for commenting.
AFW - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
No thin humor here...fat is where it's at....but thin is in...great laughs and great advice..
DJ Blaze - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL, I meant 555 as in the score I gave you, although you probably knew that. I weigh around 150 pounds. (I'm 15 years old.)
Guy - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Farce - If it impresses the Farce then it must be decent parody - Thanks buddy.

DJ - Don't ever take me seriously out here for the most part. You'll know when I am serious. I wrote one serious comment today on an Old Man Ribber parody and I don't remember the last time I felt enough serious passion to leave such a comment. I weighed about 150 when I was 15. I now weigh about 175 which is just about right for being 6 foot tall. I had no idea that you are that young. I see that you started writing here sometime this past May. I haven't run across you until today. I'll try to look at some of your work but I must admit that I do not listen to much of the music beyond the 1980s. Welcome to the site and I'm quite pleased to make your acquaintance. I've been writing out here off and on since May 2003. I had a 2 1/2 year period where I didn't do any writing. It was a kind of bad time in my life. We'll see ya around the site my young friend.
John Barry - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
A fives-course parody.
alvin - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
flat out hilarious...or should i say FAT out many good lines i don't know where to start but "It's a drool chewin' meal on a bun." and "It's so cruel the task offin' those old Wranglers®' take the cake...which befits the theme...extra points for changing up the chorus each time fave of the code was in hollow ?
Christie Marie M - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I know not to mess with pounds, but this is making me so hungry. This compulsive eating habit started when there was a time I was stressed out and couldn't cope with my problems too well. Since my mom is a nurse, she's always keeping our eating habits under control, although me and my bro are always sneaking fast food. But I always made sure I jog every morning though. It's all good! 555 lbs for this one! Echo all comments above!
blackjack21 - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
No lightweight parody here, heavy duty all the way. This one is 555 calories....per word!
DJ Blaze - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks for considering me a friend/acquaintance, Guy!
NorCalVO - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
. . . ya lose 18 pounds, and what do ya get? A Stetson removed, and a BullRider's bet !
Guy - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Alvin - I knew you'd bite hard on this one because you and I have a similar sense of humor. Thanks buddy.

Christie - Food addiction is serious business - Not that I think you have a problem. There are lots of eating disorders out there. But then anything can become addicting to include writing parodies. A few years ago I was spending 12 to 16 hours a day writing these things. See how it goes? Your comment has been worth the "weight". Thanks. =;-)

Blackjack - Yikes - I hope I don't have to eat my words. Thanks.

DJ - There is a kinship with most writers on this site. We share a common passion. It's nice to see people as young as you engaged in positive activity. There are so many negative things that teens can get into. Keep writing as long as you enjoy it. I'm going to try to get familiar with the OSes you use on some of your work so I can get an appreciation for your writing. I can always consult Youtube. Take care my friend.

M'Lady - now you went and pushed the "Company Store" song at me and I may have to write another "Owe my soul" parody to my portfolio. That Tennessee Ernie Ford old classic hits home because I grew up in a coal mining company town. In fact the company store still stood into the late 1960s. They finally ripped it down and built a new post office where it stood. Zip 15331. Those lines you wrote in your comment are not too bad. I think you could write parody if you put your mind to it. =;-)
LadyTaTa - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Oh, but Sir GentlemanGuy, . . . but it doth pull too many CPU's !! (Cowboy Parody Units)
DJ Blaze - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
It's cool that AmIRighters share common passions. A quick way to learn some of my OSes: Play DDR. Play lots of DDR. The OSes to Bad Deal, Rolling My Pair Of Dice, and many more are in that game.
Guy - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Lady Ta - OK then - I'll C P U later. My workday starts at 6:00AM and I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Getting the yawns now. Have yourself a most pleasant evening starting in about 30 minutes PDT.
Matthias - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
This topic has been done many of times but this was still a very well written parody so I hsvecto give you props for that alone
Melanie Lee - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Hilarious! I love the way you match the words and the syllables and vowels and consonants! Great job! Worth your weight in gold--555 lbs!
Guy - August 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Matt - Yeah I know - there have been TONs of these - but this one is mine. Thanks for leaving me this comment to chew on - now for more words to eat. =;-)

Melanie - Yeah - I kinda do that on purpose - just this habit I picked up writing parody. - You're a decent writer your own self. Thanks!
bobpiecheese - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) The food parody has been done so many times, there are only two ways to get respect out of it: a) make it original, or b) make it really well written and perfectly paced etc etc. You went with b), and you did that very well. Yes, I made this up on the spot. Yes, I'm voting 555. No, I'm not sane in ANY way.
Guy - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
COP - No one has ever acccused me of being sane either. You're cool dude. I'm half Italian and on my mom's half is Russian - we get pissed and then it's over with. Release the hounds and carry on! Thanks buddy.
Leo Keough - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC5(N) Great job of combining syllable matching with a lot of good punch lines!!!...555!!!
Guy - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Leo - Yeah the punch lines just go with the stretch lines on this guy. Thanks!
Stuart McArthur - August 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) your devotion to syllable-matching makes it an easy read but sometimes not so easy an understand Guy, but for some reason, your words, a diet I'm on, and the fact that it's lunchtime, has left me in an awkward meat-desperate state - 555
Guy - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Stu - Hope this meats with your digest-ion. And please let me know if eating my words has given you any heartburn. =;-) Thanks!
Red Ant - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent matching and format made it easy as pie to read this to TOS (which I hadn't heard before - it's pretty good). So far this is my favorite this round.
Guy - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Jack - Pie is exactly what this guy in the parody can do without - I'll eat it for him. Thanks!
Agrimorfee - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) I loved how you kept the rhyme scheme in the choruses, very ingenious subs all around. Unlike some of your competition entries, Guy, this one was easy to swallow in terms of poetic license! :)
Below Average Dave - August 20, 2009 - Report this comment
My favorite thing about this one was the rhyming. . .and I loved how you made this grammatically similar to how the OS would indicate it being sung. I can't name any one particular LMAO line, but as a whole it was just a very funny, well rounded parody, that fit the style of the OS very well, great parody Guy.

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