Do me a favor before you go out
Pull the curtains closed, Honey, tell the kids not to shout
Please forget all about my hair in the sink
And please give me a sponge bath, I'm starting to stink
My sore throat makes me talk like a seal
And my chicken soup starts to congeal
And the kids, they don't know how it feels
What a kick to be sick

Now the time-release capsules have been put away
But my skin still takes on a pallor of grey
Honey comes in and asks, "Are you OK?"
I feel just a bit better than I was yesterday
I lay back and think of Jennifer Beals
The used-car salesmen give me their spiels
And Judge Wapner don't know how it feels
What a kick to be sick

And the itch on my heel is so far away
I'm in such pain that I can't reach it today
Then I blow my nose (PPPPZZ!!)
It's clogged just the same

Let me tell you about years that were much more uncouth
Pour me six parts of sloe gin to one part vermouth
Sit back, and I promise I won't keep you very long

Look now! A baby's born, and he's got the croup all right
There is panic in the bedroom, let's call the MD tonight
We'll Vapo-Rub him, a vaporizer by his bed
Shove a thermometer up his butt, and place moist towels on his head
Antibodies fight the bug, but the audience is bored...

So come on all you doctors, with your high-tax bracket wages
With your appointment books, you lousy crooks
Why don't you cure the cold today?
You cannot fight Establishment, the AMA is Government
The secret is lemon juice, now isn't it?
What's with the world today?!

Now where the hell's my Skittles?
I need them now, not yesterday
And where is my breakfast, and my newspaper, too?
You don't care about me at all
Writing up your contracts to keep me locked up in the Shady Folks Rest Hall

So I sit back and watch all the game show deals
And I see my chicken soup still congeal
And none of you know how it feels
What a kick....to be sick