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Song Parodies -> "At Thirty-three"

Original Song Title:

"At Seventeen"

Original Performer:

Janis Ian

Parody Song Title:

"At Thirty-three"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

I've gone for the whimsy here. It's a bit sad seeing those journeyman footballers bow to the effects of age. regrets? probably a few
I learned the truth at thirty-three
My best football is behind me
I'll never trouble destiny
or make those teams of centuries
I used to be a midfield gun
but now I hardly get a run
I'm lucky to get on before
one team's kicked a mammoth score

and though I train in pouring rain
and suffer pain and don't complain
selection nights they overlook
me, for a snotty-nosed young rookie
I've been there for thirteen years
and I'm not wet behind the ears
yet though I jump through all the hoops
I'm still not in the "leadership group"
I thought I'd be.....
at thirty three

It was long ago and far away
when I was younger than today
fans of mine would cheer and clap
and wear my number on their backs
It's different now at thirty-three
Those very fans run straight past me
to those whose names are never called, when
choosing names of good bench warmers

Still, on my own I sometimes dare
To cheat the truth and say a prayer
inventing club scouts on the phone
who call and ask if I'm alone.
I dream they'll say "come play with us"
and offer half a million bucks
to a washed-up guy like me
At thirty three

la la la la la la la.......

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   15

User Comments

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2Eagle - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Suppose the snotty rookie was 7' tall.
Dee Range - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Great observation on declining skills. Lots of truth here. Great job Stuart, all 5's
Stuart McArthur - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
thanks Dee - I matched the sadness to the original - I'll try to be funnier next time
Susanna Viljanen - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Nevermind, Stuart. We swimmers have been pretty much been worn out in the age of 22 and we never get to hope to go bite the megabucks, nevermind we practise up to 12 times a week. Still, good stamina and excellent physical fitness is a gift that hobby gave me.
Stuart McArthur - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
I've never actually played football Susanna, or swum, so I'm a "never- was", which I think is a few rungs further down from "has-been" - still I empathise with has-beens
Susanna Viljanen - October 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart, when I hummed through this parody, I could relate to the lamentation of a "has-been". I spent my best youth in the pool, and when turning nineteen I realized I will never make it to olympics. I grew up with my swimmer friends, and eventually 7 of us 12 did find ourselves at Helsinki U. of Technology (HUT).

But to quote Edith Piaf: "je ne regrette rien". Swimming gave me attitude, it gave me spirit of competition and it also gave me good physical condition, and I got lifelong friends. Swimming wasn't my lifetime vocation, and my goal was to get to national championships' finals - which I did, so I can consider I fulfilled my goal.
Paul Robinson - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice job, Stuart, 5's. Oddly (or perhaps not), not being big enough to compete in organized sports in high school or college enabled me to continue with sports as a recreational hobby and avoid any serious injuries over the years. At 54 I'm pretty fit and can still get around pretty well, and play a hell of a game of table tennis, when I can find some competition. Went out to a basketball court a couple weeks ago for the first time in a couple years and shot around. Not too much "wind" these days, but I shot pretty well, even from distance (with my prescription glasses on). It was a nice little workout and I enjoyed realizing I was able to a bit of what I used to be able to do, albeit much closer to the ground.
Stuart McArthur - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Paul for taking the time to come back a day or 2 to this parody. I actually wrote this about players I liked from my Aussie Rules footy team in Melbourne Australia (hometown) - so it's a vicarious sadness I're 54 - I'm 47 - I sort of know how you feel...
Paul Robinsonq - October 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart, no problem, it was worth it. Looking back I'm really glad I got turned down when I tried to go out for the Van Nuys High Football team after I moved to the Valley in the 11th grade. I was small and quick and I know I would have played with foolish and reckless abandon and probably gotten mushed really quickly. They did me a great favor, actually.
Charlie Decker - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports comp) Good job...5s/
Jeff Reuben - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Why did this song make me feel nostalgic. Maybe because I'm 33??? =)
Rex - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
Please send this to Vinny Testaverde.
Agrimorfee - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(SPORTS) Poetic, almost like T.S. Eliot crossed with John Madden. :)
Ethan Mawyer - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) sorry i dktos. But i have a question... is this about superbowl football or world cup football?
Scathe - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SPORTS) Time can be really cruel, especially to athletes.
Guy - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Lyrics followed the OS well and the pace was dead on. Well done.
Stuart McArthur - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks charlie, Jeff, Rex, Agri

Ethan - neither - there's a whole world of Australian Rules Football beckoning at 3am on a remote cable channel

thanks Scathe and Guy
Kim West - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
I do not know the song, but this reads very well as poetry on its own. You tell the story of a a man in his declining years. Lots of emotion that many can relate to, and well, I sort of feel like giving the big guy a hug. Nicely done. 5,5,5!
Claude Prez - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Very smooth, excellent rhyming. And you don't even have to know what sport it's about to "get it". Well done.
Know 1 can hear you dream - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) I enjoyed the blues-themed lyrics here, you managed to tell a good but sad story.

Paul: If there's ever an AmIrigh Con we'll have to take the opportunity to have an AmIright table tennis championsship even if it just the two of us, I haven't played for four-five years now but during the last months of my peak season 94-95 I got up to be ranked as a class 2 player in Sweden, that means somewhere in the top 1000-1500 range.
John Jenkins - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Very well delivered message and very good job of maintaining the mood of the OS.
Johnny D - March 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Truth with graceful wit. Well done.
Stuart McArthur - March 06, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Kim and Claude and K1 ( that's something I'd love to see - I'll bring the beers!)

thanks John and Johnny :-)
Loosekanen (Mike Armstrong) - March 07, 2005 - Report this comment
(sports) you sure make me hope I'm never old! good job.
Stuart McArthur - May 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael Pacholek - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice job. Agri: T.S. Eliot crossed with John Madden? Eliot got it wrong: December is often the cruelest month, not April. Madden would agree, as did the man whose poem pointed it out named Baltimore's new team the Ravens: Edgar Allan Poe.

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