When you're old, disgruntled
And you've lost all of your hair
That Lawrence
Welk show's cancelled for tonight
Close your eyes and take a pee
Relax your derriere
Just warm up that
Super absorbent dipe

There's a long rubber sheet
And it goes the length of your bed
You're releasin'
Your sphincter again

Winter, spring, summer or fall
You don't have to move at all
You can pee there
You've got Depends

If meat loaf
They fed you
Should turn sour and fill your bowels
And that old
Loose poop should begin to flow
Keep your legs together
And call the nurse for towels, now
Soon you'll hear them moppin' up all your floor

Nurse on call, there's no shame
And you know wherever I am
I'm releasin'
My sphincter again
Every time bladder gets full
I've got options plentiful
I can pee there, yes I will....

Hey, ain't it good to know
That you've got Depends
Toilets can seem so cold
These nappies
Hold all your crappies
They'll get quite full if you let them
Aw, yeah, but don't you let them....

Let it fall out your end
Let it go back where it began
You're releasin'
Your sphincter again
Aw, babe, and don't you know 'bout

Everyone's colon gets full
Take your crap and take no bull
You'll excrete there, yes you will,
You've got Depends
You've got Depends
Ain't it good to know you've got Depends
Ain't it good to know you've got Depends
Aw, yeah, yeah,
You've got Depends