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Song Parodies -> "The Flanker's Song"

Original Song Title:

"The Winker's Song (Misprint)"

Original Performer:

Ivor Biggun

Parody Song Title:

"The Flanker's Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I guess Ivor's not so well-known on t'other side of the pond... but if you enjoy the double-entendres in this one, you'll love the OS. If you DKTOS, you can listen to samples on the official Ivor Biggun website, He is one of the funniest songwriters, ever. I'm proud to put the first Ivor Biggun parody up on amiright :-D
My mother said that I ought to play
Something dead macho to prove I'm not gay
So I play rugby, but I really do not know
Why that's supposed to mean that I'm hetero

Don't ask why...

I'm a flanker, I'm a flanker
And I'm in the scrum by another man's bum
I'm a flanker, I'm a flanker
And I'm thinking I'll succumb

I was just sixteen years old, still green round the gills
But people said nice things about my ball-handling skills
My strength in the tackle, it was held in high regard
And although I was good at it, I found it hard

And that's why...


Oh, Mr Lock and your five lovely forwards
Thank you for rucking me and pushing my behind
There's a strange kind of bounce, staying on-side's getting awkward
The backs are rather forward, now I must get down and bind

I've flanked against Italy, I've flanked against Wales
I've flanked 'gainst the Argentine - but I think I'm gonna spare the details
I've had a hooker and a very loose head prop
An excitable second-row-er and a scrum-half who won't stop

And that's why...


Oh, Number 8 and your fly half, the slugger
Thank you for penalties and not missing 'em all
I've got wings on both sides, and my back's up - what a bugger
But once you've seen one rugger match, you know, you've seen a maul

He's a flanker! (I'm a flanker!)
He's a flanker! (I'm a flanker!)
And he's in the scrum by another man's bum
He's a flanker! He's a flanker!
And he's prob'ly gonna succumb

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
my fave of the day
Susanna Viljanen - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Liked this one. 555.
Tommy Turtle - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Every bit as applicable to American football, including the hands on the backsides. These guys are macho? ... Fives for your ball-handling skills.
John Jenkins - September 30, 2007 - Report this comment
What TT said, plus kudos for working in the "seen a maul" pun.
Phil Alexander - September 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks all :-)
JJ - a variation on an old joke.. but it's not often it's actually appropriate.
TT - I bet you don't get hookers in American football... at least, not on the pitch ;-)
TT - October 01, 2007 - Report this comment
What about the "scandal" at Duke University lacrosse team? Phony charge, but wild party... Lots more stories of hookers etc. at college and pro football parties... google it!
Agrimorfee - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Making it about cricket made this song even less approachable to non-Europeans, but I will give you lots of credit for bringing Ivor Biggun to amiright at last! :)
Agrimorfee - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
oops...I meant non-U.S. football...well, that reiterates my point. :D
Phil Alexander - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
I think Kristof & Stu may well disagree about Rugby not being approachable to non-Europeans... not to mention the millions of Argentinians that tuned in recently to see their team narrowly defeated in the semis (and wallop the French for third place). Even you US chaps were kind of represented... though from the way you play rugby, I'm not surprised it doesn't get a big audience over there ;-)

(Security code: SUK.. I wonder if it's trying to tell me anything?)

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