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Song Parodies -> "I Am Baldwin"

Original Song Title:

"I Am Woman"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Helen Reddy

Parody Song Title:

"I Am Baldwin"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

It's the year 2019 and Variety's "Baldwyn Guide" has ballooned out to 65 pages - one for every Baldwin. But dudes, if you thought Baldwin 26 was cool, the emerging Baldwin 44 says you've got another think coming................listen to the OS here




I am Baldwin 44
a Baldwin too big too ignore
and I'm gonna be the best darn Baldwin ye-et
You think YOU've seen me before
cuz I've got Baldwin 19's jaw
and I'm from the Baldwin/Basinger subset

Oh
yes, I look nice
I'm a Baldwin after all
If I'm otherwise
I've dropped the Baldwin ball
If I had to
I would have surgery
to be suave (suave)
supremely kissable (so kissable)
to be Baldwin

I am outdoors and indoorsy
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt adores me
Apple Paltrow wants to walk me down the aisle
But my brothers say I oughta
bonk a Spears sisters' daughter
to ensure our kids enhance that Baldwin smile

and
though it's unwise
I'm prepared to go that far
I'd pay any price
for photo-spreads in "Star"
If I had to, I would do anything
I am hot (hot)
I am ubiquitous (ubiquitous)
I am Baldwin

I'm the Baldwin they've most chosen
to do sitcom cameos, 'n
I've done two whisky commercials in Japa-an
but I'm still an embryo
with a long long way to go
to match Baldwin 11's Asian fans

and
yes I'm supportin'
Uncle Al's POTUS campaign!
It will take a Baldwin
to oust Pres-ident Palin
If we have to
we can do anything

We are strong! (strong)
We're procreational (creational)
We are Bawwwwwwl........dwins!

oh
we are Baldwin!
we are unstoppable!
we are everywhere!
we're in your K-Mart aisle!
we're hosting SNL!
we're doin' Larry King!
we're......
(okay, okay)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Stan Hall - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Very funny -- and original -- idea, Stu, not to mention excellently executed.
John Barry - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm Baldwin-bawling with laughter!
Invisible Boy - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Fantastic Stu !!! You are truely the celeb bashing champ here.
Great gags and speculations. Loved how "ubiquitous" just fell into the melody of the OS
Stuart McArthur - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
thanks Stan

thanks JAB :-)

thanks IB - yes, I should use "ubiquitous" more often - and btw submitting after such a long time is not like getting back on the bike - I had to relearn everything - comes with dementia I suppose :-(
LadyCupCakes - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir Stuart, ~Comander 0'Allied Forces DownUdder~ . . I prefer JackMan . . . I'll be seeing ~Austrailia~ on ThanksGiving Day! . . . hubba hubba, down unda ! !
Stuart McArthur - November 26, 2008 - Report this comment
thanks LadyCupCakes - ah, you mean the movie! - you had me fooled at first - and I suggest you save your hubba hubbas for the sudsy shower scene with Hugh ;-)
TJC - November 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Fantastic work, Stu... your time away has only served to improve your vintage--rich complexity with hOaky overtones and a truly fine finish--likely good legs too (but I wouldn't know about *that*?!?)
Stuart McArthur - November 28, 2008 - Report this comment
ah thankyou TJC - it's good to get back into the swing, or back on the horse, or back into the celebrity-skewering - I love the smell of satire in the morning
Peregrin - November 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Good to see you back Stu. I'll give ya more than 3 x 5s if you don't write about any more Baldwins. This was funny :)
Stuart McArthur - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Pippin......*hangs head* and okay, reluctantly I promise never to devote hours of my precious time to the Baldwin family again...:-(
LiLLucyLawless - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
General McArthur, Sir ! I prefer " C " Bros. over " B " Bros . . . anyday ! ! PS: you were correct about JackMan: He's no dud, in the suds ! ! My fav scene is after the rain, they head to the Hotel . . . W O W . . . He is one Awesome Aussie, Drover ! ! But Sir, why did I not see any chaps? ? Do they not use them, DownUdder ? ?
Stuart McArthur - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
hmm, that's strange - because the Aussie cast of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert used chaps on a regular and satisfying basis
LilCHAPchecker - November 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, believe me, I do check for ~CHAPS~ . . . did NOT see a single pair in the whole 3-hour movie! I really enjoyed the cattle scenes and the wide open spaces of NewSouthWales & Bowen, Queensland. very nice movie! PS: I never learned in all my schooling what the japanese did to Austrailian people!! This attack was totally new to me, and my movie Buds! ! I must read up on WW-2 history, in the land DownUdder, Sir.
Guy - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM(NOV)

Stu - Great and accurate description of a family of actors. Their ability to act is only surpassed by their egos. Fine job - great lines.
Agrimorfee - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Stu, you climbed back onto that SOTM-saddle and rode that heifer to the end! 555
UnKnownVotress - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
I so agree with Lord Agree, ~General McArthur, Allied Commander DownUdder~ is one awesome Aussie Bull Rider ! !
Jeff Reuben - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Good to see you back! The best list song since 99 Rubber Boobs. Brilliant job here, and best reason I've seen to bonk a Spears sister in quite some time!
Stuart McArthur - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
LadyCupCakes - yes, it's been noted that for such a monumental event (first and only invasion of our shores other than by Europeans and canetoads) there has been little popular cultural reference to it

Thanks Guy - I thought they were ripe for a gripe

thanks Ag! that heifer was an effer

thanks Jeff - were they list songs? - and lol about the best reason, "quite some time" being the critical qualifier, because there once WAS a time when reasons weren't required, oh yes indeedy ...;-)
Jeff Reuben - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
I guess they really weren't list songs, I got that term stuck in my head while I was leaving the comment (especially not 99 Rubber boobs). Lots of Baldwins, lots of comments on each of them, but not really a list. And...I concede your point made on Ms. Spears.
Matthias - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
I didn't know a lot about the Baldwins, so this informed me a lot. You're the still the King of the Celebs.
MasonR - December 12, 2008 - Report this comment
What's a Baldwin? (I really need to keep up with popular culture...)
NorCALvotress - December 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir MasonR, ~The Duke 0'Tumbling Mice~, b Baldwin was a piano, US-made in the 50's & 60's, which is still manufactured somewhere in the Orient, now. But in this case, GeneralMC refers to the ~B Brothers~ of acting fame: Alec married KimBasinger; the younger (3) are just losers. I prefer ~C Bros~ myself . . . The 3 Cowboys, gruff !
Peter Andersson - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Not only will the Baldwins cover all aspects of America (apparently) in the future, this parody also covered all aspects of emotions when it took me from laughter to s***ting my pants in fear with the Baldwin vs Palin in 2020 hint of things to come.
Glen S - December 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Great use of the OS, Stu. Still as polished as ever. I'm starting to see references to other parodies of yours. It's all coming full-celeb-bashing-circle, isn't it?
bobpiecheese - December 26, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't know anything about the Baldwins, except for the fact that they were blown up in the South Park movie. Don't know the OS either, so that's a double whammy. Oh well.
Max Power - December 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Crazy Baldwins, remember the incident involving...
Ethan Mawyer - December 31, 2008 - Report this comment
This is very clever, but if it's only 2019 then wouldn't Uncle Al be Alec and since 44 is from the baldwin-basinger clan Alec would have to be either the father or the grandfather?
Stuart McArthur - December 31, 2008 - Report this comment
goddammit Ethan, you're absolutely correct - thanks for reading my parody even more closely than I did - never even thought to check
Below Average Dave - December 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't know much about the Baldwins, but this was well written and to a song that I haven't read any parodies of.
Claude Prez - January 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Great stuff as usual Stu; some very clever rhymes and many LOL lines.

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