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Song Parodies -> "I'm Religion"

Original Song Title:

"I Am Woman"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Helen Reddy

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Religion"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

I am Muslim, Holy War,
And so my Allah I adore.
It's Jihad until the death I will defend.
Even 'fore the day's of Moor,
All our women wear chador.
There's no better faith I know than my Islam.

Oh yes, cows I prize,
I am born and born again.
I have come back more than twice.
Life is just an endless chain.
I am Hindu,
Hins do enlightening,
Our Iskcon, (Iskcon)
Aren't Hare' Kissable (kissable)
They are virgin.

I pretend that life's not fakey,
I'm on solid ground but shaky.
Can't determine I believe I have a soul.
I am not a go a-long-er,
I could even be more wronger.
I'm not deep in my conviction of my goal.

Do your penance, sin no more,
Say Hail Mary's three or four.
My novena such I pray it to Amen.
Did I hear them call B-4?
There's a bingo on the floor.
When I sin I can confess then sin again.

I am Druid, notch them no,
Leave that stand alone to grow.
Making shed or making barns of wood we ban.
Please don't kill that elm tree, whoa.
Get along now, go, go go!
Thou wood knot take no lumber, understand?

We are Morman how we'd score,
We'd number three wives maybe four.
But the law done changed and put this to an end.
Wish it was just like before,
So now we've found that life's a bore.
And that's why we're down when saying hey Amen.

And yes, kung fu guys,
And that wise one Kwai Chang Caine,
On his head a price,
The Shaolin priest that maims,
Kickin' ass too,
He is the kung fu-king,
Think he's Hmong (Hmong)
He beats up imbeciles, (imbeciles)
He is Buddahist.

I am Wiccan bold and true,
Hocus pocus no voodoo.
And I spread for good my charms and talisman.
I don't play with diablo,
That's the wrong, wrong way to go.
It's for our goddess mother earth we stand.

I am Madalyn, I am dead,
I was hacked my parts were spread.
My belief was such in God could not pretend.
Once you're dead you are no more,
But I'll never know for sure.
Since there ain't no after-life to comprehend.

We are human,
We are convinible,
We belong.

We are human,
We are convinible,
We belong.
We are human.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 35

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   31
 29
 29
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Paul Robinson - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
"He's the Universal Prayer and he bows and genuflects / Lowers his head to touch it to the floor" - Wonderful work here Guy, you covered the whole holy lot of them and put a nice touch on each one. 5's and a good word for you to each of the various and sundry Gods mentioned.
Kristof Robertson - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Boy howdy! This was simply...magnificent! Keep em coming....555
Adagio - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Really good, Guy. Covers lots of religions well. 5's
Johnny D - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Heh heh heh.
Stuart McArthur - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
very erudite Guy - needed my dictionary a couple of times, but classy stuff! - 555
John Barry - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Bless this parody.
Joseph Smith and the Religion Police - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
We are Mormons, with two "o"s. And, we got an angel named Boney Moroni. That Golden Plates thing was absolutely phony.
Jack Wilson - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Pretty good 555! BTW are ya gonna do that Ashlee Simpson Tiny Dancer parody?
alvin rhodes - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
you covered the subject very well....impressive parod...5s
Lionel Mertens - November 06, 2004 - Report this comment
This parody's deserves a 666 or a 777 but I scored it the best I could a 555
Meriadoc - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff Guy! You covered lots of ground here, and did it with humor AND compassion! Bravo!
Phil Alexander - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, I'm afraid - but extremely impressive nonetheless
Spaff.com - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice job, Guy. Fave lines: "I am not a go a-long-er / I could even be more wronger." And you'd think that someone as anal-retentive as "the Religion Police" would know that "Moroni" doesn't rhyme with "phoney."
Cookie-man - December 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Good work!
Adagio - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Already voted. This is a really good one, Guy. Equal bashing. eh? 5's
Cookie-man - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Forgot to put this in my initial comment (SOTM) :)
Rick D - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Keep puncturing the overstuffed. I love it.
Scathe - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good write, but no matter how many religion parodies I listen to, none of them seem funny. :-(
Arwen - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--well written...but I kind of have to agree with Scathe...not all that funny to me...
Melhi - December 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very nice job, Guy!
Steven Cavanagh - December 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved the synicism with Catholicism (what is it about them and gambling?) and the confession without repentance thing deserves a good digging. Wiccad parody.
John Jenkins - December 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Very challenging topic, Guy, and you have covered it as well as parody constraints allow you to cover it.
Darth K1chyd - December 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What? You forgot Jedi-ism? I find your lack of faith disturbing! ;-)
Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
What Spaff said. And kudos for the out-of-left-field "Hare Kissable" pun.
Tim Mayfield - December 22, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Guy, fabulous job.
Johnny D - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above...not only heh heh heh, but nyuk nyuk nyuk and LOL, too...oh yeah, 555 as well.
Stuart McArthur - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) what I said....
Claude Prez - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I wood knot fail to give you fives. Very good Guy.
Peregrin - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done Guy, potential minefield with the subject matter but you made it through the other side with all your limbs intact! I enjoyed immensely, and have awarded first place in SOTM in recognition.

I particularly liked "I have come back more than twice, Life is just an endless chain". LOL!
Meriadoc - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) As above.
Jeff Reuben - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, I tend to agree with Scathe and Arwen, well written, but not a big religion parody fan (it wasn't distasteful or anything, just not my cup of tea).
malcolm higgins - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment
guy, I take my turban off to you, and my skull cap, and my robe.. and you can do one of my holy cows anytime.. 5-5-5
Paul Robinson - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See my above comments...very fine job, Guy...
martha - January 06, 2005 - Report this comment
a very fair minded dissing of the lot!!! very good
Red Ant - December 16, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) Fits TOS quite well, and kudos for all the "woman" subs throughout. I get what this was supposed to be, but I'm afraid most of the gags/puns/etc went over my currently sinus headached head. Like Stu, I had to look up a few words, but Googling "convinible" led back to here. ://(
Guy - December 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Red Ant - What can I say? A mis-spelling got me to the top of the Google dog pile. Thanks!
littleCupCakes - December 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Monsignor Guy, bless you for the 3 Hail Marys. Sir, your mercy on this maiden is most awesome!
Invisible Boy - December 22, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC4-I-To make fun of one religion is good enough for me. The scope of this write is immense and I applaud it. You obviously have done some research here and perhaps some reflection as well. The comments "time stamps" this piece as 3 years ago. How do you feel about Mitt as a semi-viable candidate in our upcoming election ?
Guy - December 23, 2007 - Report this comment
IB - Thanks for your very kind review - but I am sorry to say to you that I don't like to get into discussing politics or religion in the comment sections. It can get like poking a stick into a hornets' nest. I write the parodies for fun and they do not always reflect my true view on things or issues. You may want to ask Spaff that question?
bobpiecheese - December 23, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I) Most of the homour was over my head, and religious parodies aren't really my forte anyway.
Laurie Alexander - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4-I)-Kumbaya! Very clever!
stuart mcarthur - December 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) allow me to channel Jack here and say This Was Awesome! great stuff Guy - covered so much territory with so many funny lnes, but my fave sub of all was "He beats up imbeciles" - didn't he WHAT! - loved that dude
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - December 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Dang there are a lot of comments on this one. . .Religious parodies are usually not my thing either. . . but this was funny.
Agrimorfee - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Welcome to National Brotherhood Week in ABC4. Works better as a read than as a song...a listener might not be able to follow and comprehend each religion you covered here, but this was a smart and funny read, indeed.
Matthias - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm all too familer with the Bingo line being Catholic we play Bingo more than we actually pray, oh, and there's usually doughnuts too.
Cat - December 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Wow—excellent! Nice job covering all the theological bases here, Guy. Definitely TMGLTM.
Ghost of Madalyn - February 18, 2015 - Report this comment
Huh? I'm still not convinced. Who you gonna call?

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