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Song Parodies -> "Crap in the Kettle"

Original Song Title:

"Cat's in the Cradle"

Original Performer:

Harry Chapin

Parody Song Title:

"Crap in the Kettle"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Went to the shop just the other day
Buying all my groceries the usual way
But I looked around and I found that they
No longer stocked the tea I like upon my tray
I was choosing something different, because I knew
I'd try a different brew, now
It's gotta be a different brew

There's crap in the kettle, and it sure ain't tea
It tastes more than a little weird to me
The packet says it ought to be Lapsang Souchong
But I've tasted it - it's wrong
The packet label's wrong

I bought a few diff'rent teas to taste
The shop had twenty-seven types and in my haste
I didn't check exactly what I'd bought
One cup's like any other, that is what I thought
And as I walked back homewards, realised it's true
I really like a brew, I
Look forward to my brew

But there's crap in the kettle, and it sure ain't tea
There's something green where it ought to be
If it says Darjeeling, even Pure Assam
It don't go well with jam
Not with my scone and jam

Well, I made a pot just the other day
I'm told it's very popular, it's called Earl Grey
Some folks may like it, I do not
The taste of tea is ruined by the bergamot
But still I'm trying all these teas, I'm sure I'll find
A brew as nice as mine...

But there's crap in the kettle and it sure ain't tea
It's lemony tea, not elementary
If you gotta add sugar, then the taste ain't right
And this stuff tastes of shite, bleah
Yeah, this stuff tastes of shite

Now, I've got teas in a great big pile
There's mint, and then there's ginger and there's camomile
But none of them taste right to me
And I am sure that they should not be sold as "tea"
They may be something, served up wet and hot
But "tea" they're surely not
They certainly are not
And as I went to the shop it occurred to me,
They ought to sell real tea
And label it "REAL TEA"

And there's crap in the kettle, and it sure ain't tea
What do they think I am - a chimpanzee?
Next time I go shopping, I will try again
And I know I'll get some then, well...
I hope I'll get some then

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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.8
How Funny: 2.2
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   1
 3   1
 4   0
 5   0

User Comments

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Leo Jay - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Good job. Nice rotating choruses.

Just for the record, I've been working on a parody for CIC for a while now, with a chorus that includes "there's crap on the table....". Just so you don't think I stole your crap...
Johnny D - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah you Brits and your tea.... love it! ;-)
Royce Miller - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil, kind of reminds me of "cat's in the kettle at the silver spoon", but yours is original like you
Meriadoc - June 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah Phil - you know you're just gonna smoke it all anyway... ;-)
Phil Alexander - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Leo - I started writing this as "What's that in the kettle", but it didn't have enough punch to it
JD - Well, I am English, so what do you expect?
Royce - isn't it Bob Rivers - "There's a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon/The place that I eat every day at noon"?
Merry - no wonder it tastes funny ;-)
Kristof Robertson - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment put your tea IN the kettle? I usually put mine in a teapot- no wonder yours tastes funny!! :-) Anyway, very bloody good..I've got at least one tea based parody in the've inspired me to finish it. 555
Rod Worden - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
What you need, Phil, are kettles--one for tea and one for crapping. Great work, 5s!
Rod - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
( Uh, that was supposed to be 'what you need are two kettles..')
Adagio - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Everything I wanted to know about tea! (All the other comments were used up). 5's
alvin rhodes - July 01, 2004 - Report this comment
this suits a "tea"...5s
The Thought Police - July 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Who would win in a fight betwwen Mister Coffee and Mister T ?5's
Solar Granulation - October 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, absolutely love it! I don't know the original particularly well, but I can appreciate a tea song ;-) ::sips some tea::
Phil Alexander - October 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, a new comment... thank you Solar Granulation(?? now, where did that name come from?)
Solar Granulation - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, some time ago I joined a forum and was stuck for a cool name, so I chose a random term from astrophysics. It's kind of stuck ever since :-) The visual effect of solar granulation is quite pretty, lots of little dots on the surface of the sun.

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