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Song Parodies -> "Shuckin' Mag. Opus"

Original Song Title:

"Sugar Magnolia"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Grateful Dead

Parody Song Title:

"Shuckin' Mag. Opus"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Shuckin' clams open: one ton looming,
Shells all empty, strewn everywhere.
Crawdads: take 'em out of the river--
Not much meat on this pitiful fare.

Eat possum--they do that, some hillbillies;
That's something I just cannot abide,
But making a clam tableau is my nature,
So I'm gonna shuck what I have plucked at low tide.

I shuck, then I take a bite full;
I crack clams at lightning speed.
I keep eating, though I'm a mite full.
My need to feed, I've decreed.

Some who split the shells get much too violent,
But here's all they've got to do:
Concentrate then just be silent,
Side that knife in. . .split in two.

I learned from a Cajun woman. . .
Showed me how to apply that knife.
To paraphrase the Purlie in Mary Poppins:
"I said this to her, and now she's my wife.":
Superb-clam-split-agile-wrist-trick-next-the-magnum-opus

Shuckin' mag. opus: shivvin' and stickin',
Gotta be done right, or fingers are missing.
While you're shuckin', best shun wine.
Drunk ain't good; instead, sobriety.

I shuck, then I take a bite full;
I crack clams at lightning speed.
I seize any time for the shuckin' rite:
Moonlight, daytime when there's sunlight--do the deed.

One day, I'm a quahog pryin',
Take a moment and look down.
Next thing you know, I am tryin'
Makin' love to what I've found, to what I've found.

I know oysters can cause you to roister,
And then you sow your oats.
Tumesce and then shed clothes,
Peaking discreetly.
Shells have hinges. . .it's locked on my adoring love spine!
"Crunch time," I scream. "Crunched spine," I scream.
Now it's REALLY shuck time!!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   3
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User Comments

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Stan Hall - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Looks like you'd best stick to shuckin', not *uckin' that seafood ... near its end, this parody was more mateful dread than Grateful Dead. :-)
alvin - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
not nearly enough dead parodies in here...you made my day with this one
John Barry - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stan, Alvin.
John Jenkins - February 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Very clever insertion of a Supercal-type line into this parody.

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