Everybody, give me your meat
So I can toss it over the side of this ship
I'm your captain, not your crap tin
& I'm feelin mighty sick

At the table this fine evening
we were served Cordon Bleau a la Fresco
I washed it down with good ole port wine
wood grain alcohol & licorice espresso

I then helped myself to sweet escargot
green bay oysters & half shell clams
Topped it off with green mint ice cream
crimson jello & mad cow ham

Now I'd say I'm a modest eater
a consumer of wholesome healthy foods
But an eruption through my system
left me burping, farting & just plain rude

I think one or several folks among you
plan to kill me & mutinize this ship
You have poisoned my cherished dinner
I think all you f-----g bastards should get a grip

I know you all like to see me vomiting
& peeing all over this great boat
It's not the fine meals I have munched down
But the poison you sprinkled to close my throat

Wait a minute!!

I'm getting closer to my phone
I'm getting closer to my phone
I'm getting closer to my phone

Hello Coast Guard
Please come fast, lard
& take me from this fine great ole ship
Have my crew mates promptly arrested
& thrown in the gulag with split lips

Please come fast now
I'm passing gas now
along with miles of fine intestinal tract
I feeel afjsdaoiuiqop a
sholewqrui AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!