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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of Confederate Generals"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of Confederate Generals"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

It occurred to me when I read Merry & Pippin's piece on the Thirty Years War, that, historical in nature though many of my parodies have been, I've never done one on the American Civil War. Time to do so. Especially to remind everyone that the good guys won and the bad guys lost.
The legend lives on from old Gettysburg on down
of the big flakes left in eighteen-sixty.
Superior, they said, but they soon were struck dead
and are mouldering beneath ground in Dixie!

With a load of race-hate, were eleven of the States
that betrayed the great country they once built.
To keep folks enslaved meant they were so depraved.
Wouldn't give it up, proving they're dunce-filled!

The scheme was the pride of the Southeastern side
coming out of a hall Alabaman.
"Can Jefferson Davis be the one who'll save us?"
No, he couldn't, the Union was slammin'!

Concluding their boast with a navalside roast
with the treason they launched at Fort Sumter.
And under the gun at the creek of Bull Run
they unleashed Stonewall Jackson's great thunder!

The telegraph wires made a tattletale sound:
Robert E. Lee, he beat George McClellan.
And every man knew, as Abe Lincoln did, too
don't be buyin' what Georgie is sellin'!

At Shippensburg's creek, called Antietam, blood leaked
but Abe now could release Proclamation.
This war the South made would be moral crusade
as the North announced Emancipation!

When July the first came, Ulysses S. Grant struck
cutting South in half in Mississippi.
On July the third, Gettysburg gave the word
the South destined to lose, bet your bippy!

Joe Johnston had turned 'cause Atlanta had burned.
Sherman put Georgia through holy peril.
And as died A.P. Hill, Lee got terrible chill:
Came the wreck of Confederate Generals!

Does anyone know where the South's chances go
when he couldn't link up with Jeb Stuart?
As Richmond fell fast, Lee knew this was the last.
All his hopes had gone into the sewer!

Their Army split up, and their Navy capsized
and their ranks either starving or scattered.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of boys watching rerun "Dukes of Hazzard!"

Virginia's hills roll and the bell rings its toll
on the hallowed ground 'neath Lee's old mansion.
The country restored, the South came back on board
with a century's worth of dissension!

And at one night's play, Booth got away
done what Lee was too good for attempting.
And with liberal zing, led on by Doctor King
perhaps one day, the South gets redempting!

On a grassy old field, every summer revealed
re-enactors play loyal or rebel.
Some of them so dumb to think South should have won
but see the wreck of Confederate Generals!

The legend lives on, but they got it so wrong
like Strom Thurmond, Trent Lott, Lester Maddox.
If this you still doubt, I got one thing to shout:
Rebs, the good guys won at Appomattox!
Anybody who thinks the war was about "states' rights" shall be found guilty of intellectual dishonesty, and sentenced to reading the collected works of Fitu Petaia.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 2.7
Overall Rating: 2.7

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   7
 5   16

User Comments

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AFW - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
.American history very well parodied...perfectly executed epic
Tim Hall - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Frankly, I do give a damn about this parody, and history in general!
Yoidy - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks for the history lesson! 555
Meriadoc - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Hee hee. Well I thought it was hilarious Michael, but then I'm a northerner. If I was a southerner I'd wanna kick your butt over this! ;-D
Michael E Cormier - January 28, 2007 - Report this comment
How do you make an excellent Can-Am stew. First, you take a classic Canadian anthem, then add some lyrics that describe an American historical event, and then throw a few 5's in for good measure. Three 5's should do the trick. lol Good job, Michael.
alvin rhodes - January 29, 2007 - Report this comment
history made fun

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