The legend of prom will inspire a yawn
If you're in a grade beneath eleven
But your youth it's said is determined in bed
That night as either hell or as heaven

With a girl I adored, who I'd do anything for
Yes, the prom night of Charlie looked sunny
But damn Murphy's Law, life goes wrong, ha ha ha
Real good joke, God, glad you think it's funny

The girl of my dreams chose another guy, it seems
Whose sexuality has been questioned
When asking for a date, merely hours too late
Shouldn't had all of those practice sessions

Well on to choice two, silver medal, it's true
But she's going with that dirty hippie
Skin pasty as chalk, he smells like Woodstock
Now am I getting desperate? Damn skippy!

Well three, four and five broke me out into hives
When they told me that they'd been taken
And by then I knew I was royally screwed
For comfort I'd have to turn to my friends

Dan said "Just go stag, you'll have fun, not a drag"
Easy for you to say with a girlfriend
Cammock the moor's date's a bit of a whore
He'll have no time to hang with his best friend

When go time was close went to go get my clothes
Tailor said "This tux? Too tight to fit ya
Alternatively? A tuxedo-print tee."
I said "Dignity, been good to know ya."

The limo came in, driver turned to me and grinned
Asked "Is your hand your date to this party?"
And later that night, when my fright turned to spite
Came the wreck of the prom night of Charlie!

My old keyboard tie's time of glory is nigh,
We pull up to the old Puck Building
The music turned funk (did I mention I'm drunk?)
And suddenly my world is spinning

"They might have split up," I ration with myself
As I ask the girl next door dancing
But anger and hate on her hunky boyfriend's face
All of the sudden two teeth I'm missing

My rival it seems had broken my dreams
Also my face when he reclaimed his sweetie
But no time to bleed! Afterprom! Proceed!
I'll lose my red blood cells discreetly!

Formal time's done, and party time's on
Though it's Hammer Time I could use now
Whoops, I mean 'Hammered Time,' really a victimless crime
Hurt nobody but me as pain I drown

The afterprom thing's the wild party of dreams
But I'd forgotten I hate wild parties
Now not perturbed, so I made friends with the curb
What an end to the prom night of Charlie!

The legend of prom will inspire a yawn
If you're in a grade beneath eleven
But your youth it's said is determined in bed
That night as either hell or as heaven