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Song Parodies -> "The Flick of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Flick of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

There have been some documentaries about the sinking of the ore freighter "Edmund Fitzgerald" in Lake Superior, between Wisconsin and Ontario, in an early-winter storm on November 10, 1975, taking the lives of 29 men. But they've never made a feature film about the sinking. Perhaps it's just as well. This parody not only pays tribute (sort of) to the ship and good crew, but also to some previous Amiright versions of "The Wreck." See if you can spot them.
The legend lives on from Superior on down
of the freighter the north winds did peril.
They wanted to film, but who would get the helm
of the flick of the Edmund Fitzgerald?

The studio wired in a big director should spin
but they couldn't get Martin Scorcese.
They dumped Martin Brest because at his request
they would cast as Captain Patrick Swayze!

Down under they called but their decision stalled.
The producers won't take Peter Jackson.
If his "Rings" films held true, he might kill me and you.
'Twould not just be the crew he'd be waxin'.

For disastering flick, the big boss made his pick:
They would hire Quentin Tarantino.
A move they'd regret, he showed up on the set
in a '75 El Camino!

"Your duty," said Quent, "is to be heaven-sent
like my pal, the first mate, John Travolta."
But there was no chance the doomed ship had a dance
and John's Saturday night was much colder.

As helmsman on deck, Quent assigned Ben Affleck
to the dismay of boss Barry Diller.
As ham actors go, Ben's more painful than most.
Barry just knew this chump would be killer.

There was a complaint, though it seems very quaint
that no chicks were on board, they remembered.
On this seafaring tank, Quent wants Hillary Swank
who's experienced playing transgendered!

They filmed in Detroit, a big scene with Jon Voight
playing ship's Captain Ernest McSorley.
It soon became clear that he shouldn't be here
'cause the Midnight Cowboy acted poorly!

Does anyone know where the studio bucks go?
Everyone hoped that no one would notice.
But it ill behooved that the film would improve
if the cast now had Jennifer Lopez!

Why where they surprised at actor supersized
as poor Meat Loaf fell into the water?
And all that remains is the shocked look of shame
on Angelina Jolie, Voight's daughter!

They all dropped their jaw, and were dumbstruck with awe
when a crewman gave Gollum-like howl.
The Quent's vision flopped, but the film wasn't stopped.
Every critic hissed like Simon Cowell!

The filmgoers sighed and they gave a great cry
saying, "Fellas, here comes a new turkey."
They whipped out their bucks and they were sitting ducks
for the script and the lighting so murky.

In a musty old theater, customers gripe.
With the studio, they've got a quarrel.
The film's a poor job by the 29 swabs
on the deck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!

The legend lives on, how the film went way down
in scenario sticky and hairy.
The critics did bet, no Oscar would it get
but it did "win" a Golden Raspberry!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   11
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User Comments

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Claude Prez - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Scorcese/ Swayze is an awesome rhyme. And, say, didn't Spaff mention Martin Brest in "The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J.Lo"? Very well done.
John Jenkins - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
This was great all the way through. I particularly the ending and the line "The Quent's vision flopped, but the film wasn't stopped," which seemed vaguely familiar.
Johnny D - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
The filmgoers sighed and they gave a great cry
saying, "Fellas, here comes a new turkey."
They whipped out their bucks and they were sitting ducks

...... Michael, Edmund and I are honored. Thank you.
Titanic Survivor - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
There may be an Edmund Fitzgerald movie in the works. But even at 3 hours, it still wouldn't be as long as the movie ;D (which is about 9 minutes but seem like 40 hours.)
Kristof Robertson - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
You're on an TWOTEF roll at the moment, Mike...glorious! 555
John Barry - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Like the lake--Superior!
Johnny D - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
As Kristof said, MP .... Huron a roll ... although they're kind of Erie, your TWOTEF parodies are definitely Superior.
Royce Miller - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
very well done, Michael--
alvin rhodes - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
personally, i think it could be bigger than "titanic"...5s....great job
Laurence Dunne - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Bravo, and I thought I saw two references to my own TWOTEF parodies so how can I NOT give 555?
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Ok, does that mean we won't see anymore new WotEF parodies? I hope so...just kiddin'555
Michael Pacholek - March 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you, everyone. This was a real pleasure, unlike sitting through this as-yet-hypothetical movie. Or should that be, "through film that remains speculation," to fit the rhythm? Survivor: As Spaff said in his all-time classic, "Does anyone know where the love of God goes when a film turns the minutes to hours?" Johnny: "Superior"? "Erie"? I think Huron to something here. (Hey, YOU try turning "Michigan" or "Ontario" into a pun!) Agri: I do realize where your sympathy lies, for the next one you might have contempting. But as inspirers go, that song brings more than most, there will doubtless be further attempting. And here are the tribute lines, in case my flair for the obvious failed you. Verses 2, 6 and 9: "The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J.Lo" by Spaff; and, by a weird coincidence, one of my favorite films ever was on A&E last night: "Midnight Run," starring Robert DeNiro and Charles Grodin, directed by Martin Brest. Verses 3 and 11: "The Wretch That Was Smeagol and Gollum" by 2nz. Verse 5: "Molested By Father Fitzgerald" by Laurence Dunne. Verse 6: "The Rectum of..." by Malcolm Higgins. Verses 11 and 12: "The Erection of..." by Johnny D. Verse 11: "The Dreck Called 'American Idol'" by A Room Full of Monkeys. Verse 10, with "supersized," could have referred to "The Rectum" or my own "The Record of..." though I don't think Meat Loaf uses steroids. The guys who sang "I'm Too Sexy," that might be another story...
malcolm higgins - March 08, 2005 - Report this comment
rectum? damn near killed him.. 5-5-5 for apainful reminder that every event in the world doesn't need a tear jerker film.. great work Michael

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