-> "The Record of Edmund Fitzgerald"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Parody Song Title:
"The Record of Edmund Fitzgerald"
The legend lives on from the Bambino on down
and of Maris, Sosa and McGwire.
Of Bonds it is said, can't believe what I've read
but a new guy took that record higher!
With a load of serum, a new superstar did come
his solution a strange kind of acid.
Into his veins dumped and he became so pumped
though where it really counts, he's now flaccid.
The scheme was the pride of the Canadian side
when he came to the Montreal Expos.
The ball he did smack to Seattle's upper deck
when he swung his bat in San Francisco!
Protruding through derm were his muscles so firm
unlike his days as prospect for Cleveland.
'Twas traded away, but in Interleague play
could it be his bat speed they'd been feelin'?
His gain, sixty pounds, made a tattletale sound
when his quadriceps broke through the railing.
And the All-Star Break came, he'd won lots of new fame
that a snitch in September'd be stealing.
The pitch came late and that fastball he ate
and his Louisville Slugger came slashing.
At the end of July, 50 balls gone bye-bye
and to his next injection he's dashing!
When Labor Day came and the guy came on deck
the fans all said he's better than Sosa.
When 7 o'clock come, there goes 71
he said, "McGwire, it's been good to know ya!"
The pitcher threw in and the fans made a din
it's like shooting fish inside a barrel.
And the 74th flew out northeast by north
for the record of Edmund Fitzgerald!
Does anyone know where the love of the game goes
when a press conference seems to last hours?
The clubhouse men say he'd have gotten away
if his locker was closed when he showered!
They now have surmised that he got supersized
with solution that sure was not water.
And all that remains is the shocked look of pains
from the fans and their sons and their daughters!
To Edmund's chagrin, his pharmacist sings
in the Manhattan federal courtroom.
The poor old judge steams that the young men's dreams
through the steroids of Edmund are sports-doomed!
And silent and gaunt on the old Saint Laurent
the Olympic Stadium is quiet.
And the Washington team was once Montreal's dream
but with Edmund, no Canuck would buy it!
In a musty old ballpark in Newark he played
far removed from a baseball cathedral.
ESPN chimes that for his steroid crimes
stripped of record was Edmund Fitzgerald!
The legend lives on in this minor-league town
of the big flake they called Flabby Eddie.
Fitzgerald, they said, was weak, was bald and dead
by the time he reached birthday of thirty!
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