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Song Parodies -> "The Grandson of John F. Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Grandson of John F. Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This is the start of a new project: Songs for all 42 Presidents. (Bush is officially, if not constitutionally, the 43rd, but Grover Cleveland served non-consecutive terms.) And though I've already done many Bush songs, including "No JFK," I've been trying to put this one together for a while. (See an earlier "Wreck" parody, "The Reckoning of These Song Titles.") This may sound like an anti-Kennedy song, but you can tell by the first stanza (which, in keeping with the rhythm of TOS, is also the last) that it most certainly is not. And "the Veep they called Dick" is Nixon, not Cheney. Close, though.
The legend lives on from Hyannis on down
asking, "What we can do for our country?"
As opposed to the whine of Republican swine
saying, "You better cut taxes for me!"

With a load of smuggled beer in Prohibition years
Papa Joe made the Kennedy bankroll.
And the Mayor's daughter Rose was the woman he chose
without seeming especially thankful.

Made Hollywood flicks, picking up cash and chicks
and found every big business exemption.
But also what he did, he and Rose raised nine kids.
Could they possibly be his redemption?

A hero was Jack, saved his men, hurt his back
but Joe Junior would not be so lucky.
Rosemary, Kathleen, they'd not be on the scene
so the rest would have to be more plucky.

So Eunice and Pat and Jean haven't just sat.
Married well and helped the underprivileged.
But their brothers we viewed in an era so rude.
If only they'd had today's knowledge.

The Veep they called Dick tried to play every trick
thinking he had Eisenhower's bounty.
But he'd have to wait until at least '68
thanks to Johnson, and Daley's Cook County.

They all oohed and ahhed at this Boston Greek god
and his wife in the White House's lobby.
But no further in, and they could not begin
if there was no permission from Bobby.

Jack ached every night but fought for civil rights
and saved us all from nuclear peril.
But at least three shots from conspirators' plots
took the grandson of John F. Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the killers did go
as the cops turned the city to circus?
The Commissioners said it was done by one Red
but that answer's not sufficient fer us!

We might not be chilled had not Bobby been killed
or if Ted didn't drive until dawning.
But all that remains is the faces and the names
waiting for John-John under the awning.

The Post prints Page Six, the Enquirer sings
of the myriad Kennedy scandals.
But they'll never print, though they'd still make a mint
of the good that the family's handled.

They might have done more starting in '64.
The successors of Jack left us wanting.
As Presidents go, he was better than most
and the Ghosts of November are haunting!

In a chapel so blue each November 22
as it did in St. Matthew's Cathedral
the church bell chimes for the killing, a crime
for the grandson of John F. Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from Hyannis on down
asking, "What we can do for our country?"
As opposed to the whine of Republican swine
saying, "You better cut taxes for me!"
And, in 2004, at last, I can vote for JFK, the Senator from Massachusetts, and his Southern running mate. John Forbes Kerry. And John Edwards.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Rod Worden - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Masterful job, Michael!
Johnny D - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, my boy, you belong in Massachusetts. Good job.
Ravyn Rant - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Royce Miller - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
I was going to type my name "republican swine" but decided to say who I really am--anyway, 5's from me, very well done.
John Jenkins - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
This really was well done, Michael... except that JFK cuts taxes and he's a hero and Republicans cut taxes and they're swine?

But I commend you for taking on such an ambitious project and I look forward to the rest of your presidential parodies.
TJC - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job... I loved it and am old enough to have lived it!
alvin rhodes - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
nice job...lookin' forward to more presidential songs
John Barry - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent parody as well as a nice history encapsulation.
Michael Pacholek - July 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone, except... Johnny, if I lived in Massachusetts, I wouldn't live there long. Too much Pinstripes. And John, when JFK cut taxes, the top rate was 90 percent, and the deficit was (roughly) $30 billion in today's money, not over $400 billion like it is today. JFK had room to cut taxes. And it's not cutting taxes that made JFK a hero to liberals. And, since so many of today's Kennedy-haters (who mostly hate Ted, since they're too young to remember Jack, but that's another debate) like to point out that a lot of what JFK proposed didn't pass until after his death, let's also point out that LBJ signed the tax cut in '64.
Know 1 can hear you dream - July 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I hope this gets some 60-64 votes. This makes it 12 down and the rest to go.
Meriadoc - July 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent job Michael! I didn't like Kennedy personally, but he was a strong president and was a good leader for our country. If he were alive today he would be considered a liberal Republican. Now, I am especially looking forward to Harding and Cleveland! :-D

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