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Song Parodies -> "The Wretch that was Smeagol and Gollum"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wretch that was Smeagol and Gollum"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Needless to say this has a lot to do with LOTR, but it also draws heavily on Gollum's first appearance in 'The Hobbit'. I have mixed feelings about it, but I know for sure that it is for hardcore LOTR fans and it isn't really that funny. It actually takes itself a bit too seriously. You can judge it however you want on 'funny': replace that category with 'meaningful' if you want.
The legend lives on from the Bagginses on down
Of the one ring and all of its power
But think of the guide who was on his own side
And he joined us between those Two Towers

The depth of the ring is a misunderstood thing
And Isildur chose not to destroy it
'What's wrong with this guy?' thought Elrond, standing by
But the weakness in men would employ it

The ring helped him hide but controlled him inside
And betrayed him in search of its master
So fire and stone will create a dark throne
And the ring only makes it grow faster

It's purpose to find, and use darkness then to bind
All the powerful rings of the races
The elves held on tight, but nothing else went right
And now there are nine king disgraces

Now time has a way of dissolving things away
And truth slowly passed into legend
The ring was forgot, left all alone to rot
But soon it would master a new friend

Bilbo ran fast, all his courage had to last
When the goblins all poured forth like fountains
A creature kept cool in its darkened pool
Lived beneath all those high Misty Mountains

When cave turned to lake, Bilbo stopped for a break
He saw two eyes appear like pale lockets
Though Sting was no knife, Bilbo saved his own life
He said "What have I got in my pockets"

The answer was 'ring', though the creature answered 'string'
His precious had left him, had fallen
From an old fishing trip, 'til he let the ring slip
Came the wretch that was Sméagol and Gollum

Does anyone know why he loved the ring so
Since he gave up his life when he used it
The fellows would fall, yes that one hurt them all
And there were only three who refused it (Gandalf, Aragorn, Galadriel)

The lord was not found, and those rings were not bound
The enemy's plans were all foiled
For strangers and friends I won't say how it ends
If I did then the tail would be spoiled

Hey Tom Bombadil, (read the book if you will)
Why is doom always brought by that thinger?
This metaphor means to show why Gollum's dreams
Were always away with that ringer

If you're wondering why lust for the ring
Consumed him and left him in terror
It's money's disguise, it's the greed and the lies
That reveal our grave human error

We must remain strong where good Smeagol went wrong
His weakness has made the tale solemn
A want and a need for some precious kept greed
Shows the downfall of Smeagol and Gollum

The legend lives on from the Bagginses on down
Of the one ring and all of its power
The promise of gold moves the young and the old
So remember one ring can devour
Let me know what you think in the comments.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Ethan Mawyer - March 28, 2004 - Report this comment
You're right, it wasn't very funny and i don't believe in replacing the "how funny" category, but this was very very good
EmiLoca - March 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Personally, I thought it was great. T"he elves held on tight, but nothing else went right/ And now there are nine king disgraces" gave me a good, hearty chuckle. Very very good, all 5's.
Johnny D - March 28, 2004 - Report this comment
I voted 5 in all categories. It's a superb parody, 2nz. And I do believe in replacing the "How Funny" category with whatever meaning I choose to give it, because the words "How Funny", regardless of the fact that we are using English and there is such a thing as a dictionary, are ultimately interpreted uniquely by each and every individual.....and if one person says another person's interpretation is wrong, well, they're entitled to their personal opinion, of course. ;-D
2nz - March 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Ethan, for being honest. Thanks Johnny, for being in-depth honest ;c) And thanks EmiLoca, you get your own smiley face for quoting me :c)
John the grunt - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I usually like 2nz's work, but this didn't do it for me....
Adagio - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
2nz, I really liked this. I replaced 'funny' with 'meaningful' because it was just that! 5's
Agrimorfee - March 30, 2004 - Report this comment
545. Well written, albeit serious. (i think I will always give 4 For Funny on excellently written serious parodies...)
Arwen - March 30, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought it was Wonderfully meaningful, get 5s from me, of course!
2nz - March 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Praises from the AAA, and I'm not even a recovering alcoholic... Thanks for your honesty, John. And thank you for your praise and understanding Adagio and Agri. And Arwen, for being one of the few to never miss any of my silly LOTR-flavored parodies, thank you, you sweet Lothlorien lady.
Paul Robinson - March 31, 2004 - Report this comment
2nz - Still haven't finished watching the 1st LOTR installment. Had to renew my rental an extra week. almost half-way thru it, though. It's pretty good for the most part, a couple stretches have 'snoozed' me out a bit, but I generally like it. Still looking forward to watching it through, though it will be in short segments. I left off the this top Elf dude babbling back and forth with Gandalf and throwing out names and such that could have been replaced with "What-hiz-name" as far as a can tell.
Arwen - March 31, 2004 - Report this comment know I love you and you're certainly welcome. =) Now...on to Mr. there such thing as a BALKING emoticon??? You're not allowed to be snoozed out, mister! Okay, I'm kidding...I'm glad you're sticking it out...and I hated it the first time I watched it, remember? But just let it sweep you will want to fight it at first...but lay back, baby...enjoy the ride...and can join our geeky club.
Paul Robinson - March 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen - Oh, don't worry, I'll certainly watch the whole thing. As I said, for the most part I have enjoyed it so far. I didn't remember you mentioning you hated it originally. The first 20+ minutes did nothing for me but from then until the part I mentioned where they turned into talking heads spouting gibber-names I was pretty into it. I'm taking a friend out to dinner tonight (his 60th birthday was last week and my 54th is tomorrow) but I may watch another half-hour or 45 minutes after I get home. I figure maybe 3-5 more sittings to finish the movie and then I'll check out the 2nd disk with all the extra stuff they've added, whatever that is. Maybe I should have checked that out 1st? Oh, well...Gotta run, picking friend up in 20-30 minutes. Later...
Adagio - March 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul, at the rate you are going, I give you umm...ten years to finish all three. :D And, by the time you get to the third one, you may have to watch the first all over again to remember what it's about. :D Just teasin', glad you rented the movie at last!
Arwen - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul...I guess I just assumed you had every single comment I'd ever made memorized. Sheesh. ; ) I actually mentioned in a comment following my parody of "The Longest Time" that I didn't like the Fellowship at all the first time I saw it. I HATED it. Mocked it throughout. Then, I watched the special features...and became entranced. A week later, I bought the DVD and suddenly fell into the "in need of therapy" category...but you gotta love me. I'm too cute to hold my obsessive nature against me! Oh...and...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Paul Robinson - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio & Arwen: No need to fear, I'll make like old Gandalf after what-his-face (his old boss) sold him out to go over to the Dark side; thought Gandy was a goner when the mean-old bearded dude kicked his butt out into space! But there he is later on, back on the scene with sage advice (although perhaps somewhat a little less sure about the whole situation). Eventually I will complete this mission (I figure it needs to be by Monday night 'else I'd have to pay a THIRD weeks rental fee. Money may not be that much of an object to me but I don't want to start getting stupid about it.). 'night'all...
Adagio - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Happy Birthday, Paul.
Paul Robinson - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio. Thank you!
2nz - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Happy B-day Paul, a bit late...
Paul Robinson - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
2nz - thanks!

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