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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of the Iowa Caucus -- 2016 Edition"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Iowa Caucus -- 2016 Edition"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Presenting my 3rd quadrennial Hawkeye State Wreck Recap. I had to wait until the Democratic result was finalized. The Republican result, not so much. Who's the "loser" NOW, Donald?
The legend lives on from Pottawottamie down
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!

With that load of bullcrap, over 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?

The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!

Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!

They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!

The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!

The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!

The raves and the rants from the “grand” elephants
echoed through MSNBC’s studio.
The flailing Jeb Bush, he got kicked in the tush.
Didn’t even do as well as Rubio!

Does anyone know where The Donald will go
now that he’s run over by a Cruzer?
He swears and he brags but now his campaign sags
under his favorite label: A “loser!”

But he won’t give up though his campaign capsize
as he’s heading on out to New Hampshire.
He has gotten wrecked, and he cannot reflect.
And he sucks – maybe he is a vampire?

Mike Huckabee quits, Chris Christie chows down
At a buffet room in Cedar Rapids.
John Kasich steams that his President dreams
are set back by a Canuck so vapid!

On the other side, folks are fit to be tied
Mrs. Clinton’s win was very slender.
The kids’ celebrate Sanders’ very nice fate
with the Howard Dean screams not remembered!

In a musty old hall in Des Moines, Hillary
and Bernie both claimed a win raucous.
They’re both looking warm and in much better form
than Trump, wrecked by the Iowa Caucus!

The legend lives on as Republican clowns
head to State which, like their heads, is Granite.
Republicans, it’s said, don’t care if we are dead.
And I wonder, are they from this planet?

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Pacing: 2.7
How Funny: 2.7
Overall Rating: 2.7

Total Votes: 35

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Rob Arndt - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
555 for the parody Mike. No big deal in Iowa as they aren't that good at picking the eventual nominee. Hillary only won by the skin of her teeth at 2/10ths of 1% against Sanders and early polls had already predicted Trump second against Cruz. The late polling led to the _expectation_ of a Trump win. Still, second is great and Rubio rose above projected 18% third as the true Establishment candidate. Cruz's win was turnout and Evangelical based if you ask me. He set a Republican record for votes in that state. But Cruz would make a bad President because he is hated in DC. No one will make a deal with him. No one wants to endorse him. We still have NH, then Nevada and SC. Then Super Tuesday. We'll see who surges ahead and who falls to the side. Money is a key factor on the Republican side.
Callmelennie - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
I once contributed this to a parody celebrating the 2010 mid-term elections -- The legend lives on, from the Hancock on down .. Bout the vote that they called Dem Debacle ....Chicago it's said, always tallies its dead ,,, When the polls of November close early
Patrick - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
This is a masterpiece of summation. The troubadour ballad is not dead. Seems that the final results of the Democrat caucuses were decided by a coin toss. Just one more example of the influence of money on politics. The "granite" reference in the last stanza is a nice touch. Just thought of this. When the Democrats flipped the coin, could it have been a New Hampshire state quarter? Does any other nation allow a small political subunit to pick its candidates for national office? The whole state by state primary system, spread out as it is over months, is actually a bit weird, if you think about it.
John Jenkins - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
This parody has 13 outstanding verses. I particularly like the "Magnolia/pigeon-hole ya" and the "New Hampshire/vampire" verses.
Kaucus Ken - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
Brilliant!
Agrimorfee - February 03, 2016 - Report this comment
Mike P strikes again!

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