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Song Parodies -> "The Rectum Of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Rectum Of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Malcolm Higgins

The Lyrics

the legend lives on from the nurses on down,
to the girl who comes changing the bedpan
the man of this song has some medical wrongs
by all rights he should be a deadman
when he started the day, it was frito lays,
washed down with a six pack of miller
as his guts would then churn, and his heart it would burn
he just knew this dump would be killer

to aid in the slide of the food now inside
he thought maybe I'd best eat some fibre
cause any man knows, when he really has to go
that sometimes you need a big pry-bar
he was coming to terms eating red gummy worms
that his backside was soon to be famous
what he claimed to not know was the path that it would go
'fore it belched out from his puckered anus

the wind in the cheeks was the worst in three weeks,
as the upset digestion it harkened
stuffed away some black jubes, and a bouillon cube
to make it come out slightly darkened
as time passed him by, he thought brown eye was dry
and he skipped a through g's preparations
what he had to protect was the toxic effect
of his digestive miscalculations

when suppertime came, it was more of the same,
with hot fudge, some scotch and a burger
when this came outside, and anyone died,
he wondered would this be like murder?
the dessert he shoveled in
was a crepe that was thin,
with a raspberry tart to pour over
if that's not to much, then the final touch
was the fruit loops with side of anchovies....

now he sat feeling glee, with a big screen t.v.
as he watched the discovery channel
he prepared his back end for what his guts sent
wrapped his legs in plastic and flannel
as the supper bell rung, he saw Connie Chung
an american idol, so true-y
then a wild thought and he said oh why not,
so he stuffed his pie hole with chop suey

now the time it had come, and they called 9-1-1
and the medics came in well protected
their breathing assured, they expected manure
and their truck was pre-disinfected
they rolled him on his side, and whisked him outside
as the ambulance groaned and cavorted
was this alright? as this thing came into sight
it looked like old "jumbo" aborted

they radioed ahead, that this guy might be dead
and the doctors and nurses all gathered
the explosion that came they knew this was not a game
cause they all ended up getting slathered
they let it come free, and they spoke medically
of an asshole now knee deep in peril
as the load came out more, and they closed the door
'twas the rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald

does anyone know where the love of god goes,
when the brave souls in there have to do this?
to the doctors and the nurses,
and the transies with the purses
be thankful it's not Jerry Lewis

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   2
 3   2
 4   2
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Royce Miller - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Malcolm-I read this and forgot all the troubles on my mind; with a smile, I remember why I read parodies.
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Man, you better get off those bowel-stasing drugs real soon. :-)
Guy DiRito - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Student 'He was shot in the @$$'
Teacher 'You mean rectum.'
Student 'Wrecked him? It killed him!'

Excellent parody Malcolm. Well written indeed.
Claude Prez - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
The "fibre/pry-bar" rhyme was my favorite but the whole thing was very well done. This may be the longest song I've read of yours.
malcolm higgins - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
can you guys believe my gremlin ruined this one? 5-5-5 from everyone else but the rectum petty prick
Guy DiRito - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
The one's guy thinks 'asphalt' means rectal problems.

Seriously though, he got a rectum transplant once.
More serious was that the rectum rejected him.

No wonder he's such a butt hole.
Adagio - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Hehe, Malcolm...I liked all the lines. They really brought a weird image to mind. :D
Rice Cube - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Dammit, Guy beat me to the rectum joke :-)
Jonathan C. - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Much better than the original. And Guy? The punchline is "NEARLY killed him." :D
Mr horse - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
very Good one Malcolm! 5-5-5 liked it a lot
Michael Pacholek - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Like Malcolm's digestion, this one started slow but picked up speed as it went along. I believe this one deserves a toast. Bottoms up!
Static - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
you know, someone at my school tried to do this, and it went belly up. yes, it wrecked him. uh... what? anyway 555.
malcolm higgins - October 16, 2003 - Report this comment
wow guys.. I'm impressed.. 5-5-5 from every one who isn't an asshole.. and Michael. thank you.. your input really helps ...
Phil Alexander - October 16, 2003 - Report this comment
But Malcolm, given the title, you should kind of expect the occasional asshole... must admit I was kind of boweled over by this one: (no reason for that punctuation, just felt like putting in a colon)
Smurf - October 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Very fun stuff as usual Malcolm!
Mikey - October 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Oh man, Malcolm, youve outdone yourself with this one!
Wild Man - October 24, 2003 - Report this comment
LOL...555 Chalupas and a case of beer.
dom_vex - May 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Awesome ... didn't I hear this on the Radio?
Johnny D - May 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Another one I missed! Great job, Malcolm, 5's.
Jai - November 09, 2007 - Report this comment
This is a horrible tragedy that cost 29 families their husbands, brothers, sons and fathers... this isn't funny and you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope no tragedy like this ever happens to anyone you know.
Cody Robertson - December 26, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey Great song where can i listen to it???
Captain Charles Payne USMM - November 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, I recognize the creativity behind your rendition of this song. I also understand that comic artist often satire great tragedy to lighten the mood if not the memory. However as a career sailor and officer I am disappointed that you choose this song for a parody. Having lost crewmen at sea and been faced with similar circumstances as the crew of the Fitzgerald. It hits a bit close to home. May you or your family never realize the loss suffered by the 29 families of “Big Fitz’s” crew. God bless them Regards, Capt. Charles Payne USMM . Commander DSV/Epic Seahorse
Joanne A - February 04, 2013 - Report this comment
I agree with Captain Payne and Jai -

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