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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of the Iowa Caucus - 2012 Edition"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Iowa Caucus - 2012 Edition"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Did you miss me? Admit it: You knew that, when I came back, I'd have a new "Wreck" parody ready. Well, not quite a new one: This is a sequel to a piece I did in 2008, when there were twice as many candidates in the race, because both parties' nominations were open.
The legend lives on from Pottawottamie down
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!

With that load of bullcrap, over 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?

The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!

Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!

They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!

The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!

The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!

This time, none of that from my pals Democrat
‘cause this time, they have got the incumbent.
So the Republicans flog their idiot stance
that we need us some limited gov’ment!

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when for evangelicals they’re stumping?
Santorum did well, but not “Iowa’s” Michelle:
On her keister, the Hawkeyes were dumping!

She since did give up as her campaign capsized
between rivers Mississipp’ and Missouri.
And every man knew, as her husband did, too
he’s gayer than the father of Suri!

Rick Perry struck out, but he thinks he’ll have clout
if in South Carolina, he makes it.
But there’s no evidence of his intelligence
and I don’t think it works when he fakes it!

And farther below, Ron Paul thinks he can grow
with young people as his right-on marksmen.
But when they have learned their legal-pot dream’s been burned
he’ll have none left except Kelly Clarkson!

In a musty old hall in Des Moines, Romney crowed
making eight-vote win sound very raucous.
But he’s looking real dumb against Rick Santorum
in this wreck of an Iowa Caucus!

The legend lives on as Republican clowns
head to State which, like their heads, is Granite.
Republicans, it’s said, don’t care if we are dead.
And I wonder, are they from this planet?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

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Callmelennie - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Of course I don't agree with the politics of this song, but I'm not going to say this isn't good, or give it a 1 for pacing or humor, cause that would be ridiculous. This is good. But don't be surprised to see "The Wreck of The Barack Obama" appearing soon
AFW - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Top job -very funny recap of the big circus, thus far..reads very well..and good rhyming
Patrick - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Good to see an old timer back, with a finely written classic, based on a song I've actually heard. I'm personally for Ron Paul. You've figured out the Republicans pretty well. No mention of Newt Gingrich, but he isn't going anywhere anyway. I wish I could feel inspired to write again.
John Barry - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Great summation of this meaningless exercise.
WarrenB - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
MP, definitely one of I've read of yours. The Clarkson line and 'evidence/intelligence' lines were great.
WarrenB - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Dang it! Definitely one of the 'best' I've read of yours..., sorry about that Michael!

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