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Song Parodies -> "Elections, Egyptian, Nix 'Pharaoh'"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Elections, Egyptian, Nix 'Pharaoh'"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics


A legend'ry dawn on the fertile watered ground
Of the Nile, recalling their story
A great empire bred: Memphis (Not Elvis' bed!)
Then arise: Alexandria's glory

Irrigation raised more, when the rain, down, didn't pour
Gave a surplus; the bins never empty
The trade also grew as the routes, there, passed through
'Twas a "Global Economy", early

When famine betide, the old Pharaohs' rule died
Bringing regional Governors' reigns on
When resume: Nile flow, Middle Kingdom did grow
With art, lit'rature, sculpture, quite pleasin'

Anew, drought returns; Global Climate Change, confirms
Asian immigrants now, rule, achievin'
Grew greater, their might, but the Theban kings fight
Rose again, Pharaohs; sent Asians reeling

More kids, Ramsses sires: one with ev'ry gal found
What a knave! Like pro athletes, nailing!
As wealthier, grew, so corruption did, too
Once, were rich; troubles stem: dirty dealing

A Persian state, until Alexander, Great
Did prevail, after minimal clashing
The Ptolemies came, an amazing reign
Culture's place; seat of learning, unquestioned

A Library famed, ev'ry book, they collect
Said the Romans, "Need your stuff to feed us"
In 30 B.C., down went Marc Anton-y
Cleopatra: asp bit; blood would flow thus

As Rome, its rule brings, they were tolerant: all things
You could worship: old, new, at your pleasure
But later, a blight: Christianity gained might
Came and wrecked much antiquity's treasure

The Christians, still, though, free to love their God so
Under Islam and Caliphate's powers
Four centuries, pray, till Jerusalem, slay
Christians, Jews: persecution unkinder

An Empire split up, it was Ottomans' prize
Until it broke up after World War
The Brits rule in vain; independence, Egypt gains
Many lives lost to riots and slaughter

Farouk o'erthrown; Israeli war stings
Sadat: US, did ally, after Nasser
A peace treaty seems unrealistic dream
Si-nai lands; Camp David Accords signed

Islamists bestow an extremist blow:
Take life of Sadat by assassin
For three decades or so has Mubarak run the show
But sad tale of no real reform, passin'

In the square of Tahrir, a revolt, displayed
Wanted better times; rail for upheaval
"Mubarak: Slime", and was accused of much crime
Their demands: free elections and square, all

The protests live on, till the President steps down
Hosni's big take: he gypped Egypt's money
With Sov'reign gone away, a democracy bred?
World will hail and remember them, surely

No footnotes. The research was interesting -- wouldn't dream of denying readers the same pleasure.
But yes, Ramesses is also commonly spelled Ramses or Rameses. ... and if anyone should take offense at the mention of destruction of priceless antiquities, please brush up on the difference between "diatribe" (or "opinion") and "historical fact". What was, was. (Yes, the Caliphate was tolerant for a long time, until bigoted leaders took the helm, eventually provoking the Crusades. ... also, check facts and think carefully before dissing the Romans. Fair warning.)

© 2011 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
TT - Epic! As sweeping and all-encompassing as a National Geographic special. "Ankh" you very much for this. (Don't omit the footnotes because of my tweaking...remember, I am perhaps second only to you in breadth - but not depth - of knowledge...lol). ;D
Patrick - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Epic poetry was the way history was taught throughout much of mankind's sojourn on this planet. This song is certainly in that tradition. As was Gordon Lightfoot's original. If I look further down the line I see a couple more of the "Big Seven" in store. Looking forward to them as well.
Michael Pacholek - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
The legend lives on from the pyramids on down, and you got most right here, one supposes. But it can't be complete for your text did not meet with the story of Exodus and Moses!
Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
What Michael said! ;D
Gordon Lightfoot - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Michael Pacholek and Old Man Ribber: You don't think my sad song drones on for too long already?
Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
No, Gordy. As Canada's finest stroyteller, I always grade your work "Eh Plus"! ;D
Andy Primus - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow, 4 biggies on the same day - now you're just showing off! I wasn't aware of the Ramsses spelling - glad you pointed that out at the bottom. That verse reminded of the saying "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" - great saying and so true. And no, I couldn't bear to hear that dreary OS again so quickly after your last version.
N. Denial - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
You have concocted quite the Pyramid scheme today, TT... Such fair rows of lyrics (and rows...and rows... and rows...) [@ GL: Yes. Yes, it does.]
Michael Pacholek - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
OMR, you couldn't "Leaf" that line alone, could you?
Mark Scotti - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
The sands of RHYME engulf you...LOL!
Tommy Turtle - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: LOL @ "Ankh"! ;-D .... As said, the f/n weren't omitted because of your (or anyone else's) griping, but because this is history that everyone would undoubtedly enjoy learning on their own.... I think ... ;)       Th-Ankh-s for v/c!

Patrick: Astute observation! -- Homer being one of the first (known to us) and most famous. Doubt TT is anywhere near Homer's run (!) of talent, but TT can see better! ;-D ... Thanks for v/c.

Michael Pacholek: Very nice follow-up comment! ... The explanation (aside from not being able to put *everything* into a 56-line parody) was that this was Egypt-centric, and while losing their slaves was undoubtedly an event of significance, it was probably even more significant in Israeli history. ;) ... and the ref to "Israeli war stings" was the 1948 war, which led to King Farouk's overthrow by Nasser, not to the 1967 six-day War. (Also significant, but again, space...)
          Another consideration was using that which is accepted by most historians as fact, whereas the Book of Exodus was, uh, written, shall we say, from one side's POV? ("History is written by the winners.") Preferred using academic sources, rather than a work of faith (any faith). Thanks for the v/c.

Old Man Ribber The Movie: What TT said to Michael Pacholek! :-D

Gordon LIghtfoot: Yes.

Old Man Ribber The Sequel: But he can't even *rhyme*, for Pete's sake!       (much less, "sing" ;)

Andy Primus: Agree on your Lord Acton's dictum - universal truth. And also, on the dreary OS.
      As for "showing off", TT takes no credit. This is what happens when he forgets to wear his tin-foil hat to bed, and the aliens start beaming parody ideas and lines into his feeble reptilian pea-brain. ... (Actually, the events themselves were quite, uh, "inspiring".) .. Thanks for v/c.

N. Denial: Ya nailed me: TT Madoff with all these ill-gotten v/c! ;-D       ROFL @ "fair rows" (and "pyramid scheme" - Mesphinx 'twas very clever! ;), and thanks for the backing re: GL. ... and of course, for the v/c.

Michael Pacholek The Movie: LOL! "Maple" OMR will back off now!

Mark Scotti: Backatcha with the LOL!!! ... ahhh, a nice, warm, sandy burrow! Thanks, Mark!
Jon Stewart @ N. Denial - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
N. Denial, how *dare* you steal the main caption of our coverage of this event on tonight's (Monday's) show? You shall be hearing from our lawyers, Sir or Madam!
Lil’ RA’chard & The Cheops Five - February 15, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow! Were you born in Arizona then moved to Babylonia? There's no deNilein' it--This was a truly masterful distillation of momentous moments in time--in friggin' near real-time! TMGLTM! Every line perfectly crafted and lexically provocative/layered employing alien-beamed pyramidal rhyme schemes, dense with wit (heh!), with nary a repeated chorus--it's ready for the the big stage at chLuxor!
Tommy Turtle - February 15, 2011 - Report this comment
Lil’ RA’chard & The Cheops Five: Now, *there''s a, uh, "sunny" name for a band! Thanks for v/c, and for the booking at a Luxor-y hotel!
Meriadoc - February 16, 2011 - Report this comment
No mention of Moses and the bullrushes? ;-)
Tommy Turtle - February 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: Yes, it was mentioned. ... It was mentioned by Michael Pacholek and Old Man Ribber, and TT replied to them. (Hint: look above, at the comments under those names. ;-D )

Ignore my sarcasm! (Shouldn't everyone? - heh!) I know that we all don't have time to read all previous comments before commenting ourselves. Thanks very much for taking the time to read and comment.
Christie Marie M - February 21, 2011 - Report this comment
Historical, hysterical, yet educational! Great Egyptian history you described in your lyrics, TT! As always, 555!
Tommy Turtle - February 22, 2011 - Report this comment
Christie Marie M: Thank you for your Pharaoh-nice comments!

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