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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J. Lo"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J. Lo"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

The legend lives on from Ulysses on down
Of the queen who launched ships with her beauty
Fair Helen has gone; modern Trojans now long
For Ms. Jennifer Lopez's booty

'Cause baby got bling, acts and dances and sings
She's a street-fashion overachievah
She claims to our shock she's still Jen from the block
But any putz knows she's a diva

Along come two pals from obscurity's bowels
(Near Boston.) They're young and they're Catholic
One's cute and tough, one can act and write stuff
And the other one's name is Ben Affleck

Well, B & J meet when they buy the same street
And Ben says "Me leave Matt. You pretty."
So Jen says "Smart choice, but I'm true to my boys
Like ol' Whatsisname Judd and P. Diddy."

But B-Aff, it seems, ghetto-punks Cris Judd's dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magill and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy

(Oops - Accidentally detoured into the wrong song. Where were we?)

Their agents smell gold and the twosome gets sold
As "news" for the tabloids to feed on
They say "It's great press if you've met on the set
So let's find you a set you can meet on

"The film we suggest is directed by Brest
(I swear there is no pun intended)
He's nearly bounced back from the failed 'Meet Joe Black'
And with 'Gigli' his cred will be mended."

The couple signs on but things start to go wrong
When they bitch, The Brest says "Beg your pardon -
Your fans blow their bucks even when the film sucks
(Which describes every movie you've starred in)."

Production's complete though the buzz can't compete
With "Extra"s First Couple in action
It's finally released - yes they unleash the beast
And then brace for the public's reaction...

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When a film turns the minutes to hours?
The critics agreed they'd prefer just to bleed
Or to get two thumbs WAY up their bowels

Meanwhile, Ben's proposed, but they're overexposed
Say their agents, "It's best if you lay low."
When they forge right ahead, there's no wedding, instead
Comes the wreck of Ben Affleck and J. Lo

Some blame the mess on the strip clubs or press
Or the betting or booze or Ben's mother
But most are so sick of the pair that they stick
To the hope the pair's poisoned each other

Oh somewhere below Lake Ontario
Are the cities and homes where they grew up
And Matt Damon's still where Ben hunts for goodwill
(But admits he left "Gigli" and threw up)

So Bennifer's gone but they each will move on
To a new-improved trophy fiancé
But Ben won't rank near "People"s Man of the Year
And for babes, the press flocks to Beyonce

Oh the legend lives on from the Trojans on down
Of the queen with the bod and the halo
And they'd all shed a tear (and yell PLEASE END THIS HERE)
For the wreck
Of Ben Affleck
And J. Lo
Copyright 2003+ Spaff.com.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   3
 2
 2
 
 5   19
 21
 21
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Melhi - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Hilarious and too many great lines to pick just one or two. Loved it!
Adagio - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Don't know the song yet, but I'll vote when I do. I just had to leave a comment though...I thought the Bennifer stuff was a good choice for a topic...I was even thinking of it. But, you did a way much better job than I would have. Good stuff!
Guy DiRito - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent lyrics on a song not easy to parody.
royce miller - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
wow
norman k - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
I am SO sick of hearing about those 2 that I was tempted to pass this up. I'm glad I didn't. You did an EXCELLENT job! How long did this take to write?
Wild Man - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
It's a hit Spaff. Great work.
Michael Pacholek - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Holy smoking cow. By the end of the third stanza, I was already turning purple with laughter. Absoulely incredible. This may be the funniest parody I've ever seen on this site -- and this comes from someone who LUVS J.Lo. And don't worry about the "detour." It works. Of course, this means my own upcoming "Edmund Fitzgerald" parody will pale by comparison.
Billy Florio - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow, jus twow...Spaff, the next is better than the last one.....and I dont know why, but I cracked up when you ventured into "Rocky Racoon" there
Michael Pacholek - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
It was so funny it made me misspell "absolutely."
John Jenkins - September 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Outstanding parody. I think there is one exception to your line about all of their films sucking - "The Sum of All Fears." I know that it was probably the weakest of the movies made out of Tom Clancy novels, but it was still decent.
Claude Prez - September 23, 2003 - Report this comment
I think the Beyonce verse was my favorite but DAMN there were a lot of good ones.
Spaff.com - September 23, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow, you guys make me feel all warm and chocolatey. Thank you all. (And I can't believe I finally got a comment from Royce!)
Adagio: There have been a few really good B&J parodies lately. I look forward to yours. (Come on in - the water's fine!)
Norman: Longer than some of J. Lo's relationships.
Adagio - September 23, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff...while I have been writing parodies for a few months, I don't follow the stars enough to know what's going on with them. I'm more into strange and weird songs. :D You did have my vote on round #3 of the awards.
Spaff.com - September 23, 2003 - Report this comment
Adagio: Thanx. This probably isn't the category you meant, but I see that I'm up for "Breakthrough Artist," which is cool. But good gravy - I'm up against Michaelopedia AND Guy AND Claude AND Bob AND the Hobbit Wonder Twins?! Holy crap! Can't this be like the Special Olympics where everybody wins?
Adagio - September 23, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff, I THINK that is the same one...mambo #5? Yea..Everybody should win!
Chub - September 25, 2003 - Report this comment
These may be the single best parody lyrics ever written! (Apologies to Weird Al...) If this doesn't get recorded, it will be a travesty of justice...almost as much as John pointing out that The Sum of All Fears didn't entirely suck, rather than commenting on the brilliance of your work. I think the Ben Affleck Apologist Fan Club is located at another URL. But I digress...Unbelievably talented writing! You need to be writing things on a larger scale, where the world can sample more of your good work!
Aaron - September 28, 2003 - Report this comment
Downright hilarious! I think you should get the guitar part for Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, put your parody to music, and send it to all of the major Hollywood gossip shows in the hope that they'll play it on the air and piss off all of the J-Lo/Ben Afflek fans. GREAT WORK!!!
ChuckyG - September 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Wow, how did a song which diverts into another score almost all perfect fives for pacing? Nice job..
ChuckyG - September 30, 2003 - Report this comment
oops.. I meant to add a >just kidding< in there.. 'cuz of course I am
Adam Zen B - October 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Great, Spaff. I concur about "every film you've been in". They made a good couple though: both no talent superstars.
FuNkY mOnKeY - October 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Two words Spaff. Straight...fives.
Smurf & Mr Horse - October 04, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff!
Static - October 04, 2003 - Report this comment
i've read this over and over and loved it. too bad they're back together.
Spaff.com - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Adam Zen B & FuNkY mOnKeY & Smurf & Mr Horse & Static: Thank you!
ChuckyG: It's always nice welcoming new visitors like you to the site. You should check the place out. I think you'd really like it.
Michaelopedia: Thanks again for your absolulely lovely comment. I'm still waiting for your version of TWOTEF.
Aaron & Chub: Stay tuned...
HERE'S THE MP3 - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/affleck.html
Phil Alexander - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Now, that's a professional-quality recording... loved the detour into Rocky Racoon. Excellent stuff, spaff: I don't know the original (which is why it's taken me a while to get round to listening to the mp3), but I guess it's worth fives anyway ;-)
FuNkY mOnKeY - October 10, 2003 - Report this comment
Apparently Jenny from the block cancelled the wedding because her psychic told her not to marry on Sept. 13....I'm a Leo like Bennifer and according to my--and also their--September Starscroll (a monthly day-by-day horoscope), Sept. 13 was a lucky day for Leos and Sept. 12 was a lucky love day for Leos too. Confused psychic maybe? Anyway, they apparently should have gotten married then, therefore. Or they could have gotten married in July too, that's supposed to have been a good time. Or this psychic could check into this a bit more.............Or I just need a strong coffee.
Spaff.com - October 14, 2003 - Report this comment
Actually, FuNkY, when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the (Hollywood) stars. (If you can't trust astrology...)
FuNkY mOnKeY - October 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Hey that rhymes...;P I forget where Mars is right now, I think it stopped moving in retrograde motion a while ago on Sept. 27...I know that Venus is in Scorpio right now and that means that all crushes, loves, etc. will intensify for all Signs. I guess that includes Bennifer...
Robert J. Pagliaro - October 16, 2003 - Report this comment
What can I say that hasn't already been said? Excellent - extremely well-written - clever - hell, you fill in the rest.
Robert J. Pagliaro - October 17, 2003 - Report this comment
I've got to agree with Michael Pacholek - this could be the best parody ever submitted to this site - and this comes from someone who loves J. Lo's butt more than Chris Rock does.
Jonathan C. - October 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Guess they weren't the pride on the American side. :D One of the best ever.
Johnny D - October 19, 2003 - Report this comment
5-5-5 and if I could I would give it a 10-10-10 !! Yikes!!! This one is almost TOO good!!! I always appreciate good "Edmund Fitzgerald" parodies...I posted one of my own last month - but after reading this one, I bow to THE MIGHTY SPAFF - well done!!
Spaff.com - November 04, 2003 - Report this comment

RJP: That's one helluva compliment, coming from the Balladeer himself.
Jonathan: As big egos go, they were bigger than most.
Johnny D: Your "Erection" is huge, er, classic. I'd been considering doing an Edmund F parody for a while, and yours was what motivated me to get off my butt and write one. Thanx, all.
Spaff-letic Supporter - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Been meaning to congratulate you on cracking the all-time top 100 with this; I hear it's nearly impossible to do so this must be a GREAT SONG.
Johnny D - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Ditto that - congratulations, Spaff, on making the top 100 overall chart with this excellent opus !
Paul Robinson - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff ------WOW! I'm blown away. I like to try complex songs but this one would have intimidated me. So you could end up being inspirational. Was this your #100 submission? That's really putting an exclamation point on it!
Spaff.com - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanx, Johnny and Paul and Claudestrap. Alas, Paul, I'm not even halfway to 100 parodies yet. The chart those dudes are talking about is http://www.amiright.com/parody/overall50.shtml - which I previously thought was reserved exclusively for three-year-old songs by or about William Tong. But if one of my songs made it in, then apparently the standards have been relaxed.
stugots - December 27, 2003 - Report this comment
Great Job!
Spaff.com - December 30, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanx, stugots (which, I see, is "stoguts" backward).
Jack Wilson - February 19, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I havent commented on it yet, but this is hilarious, its probably my fav parody on the whole site! Ben and J. Lo are like my fav target , and you did a good job with this! 555!
Spaff.com - February 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Jackie: Wow. Thanks, man. And apparently Phil Alexander plugged this parody elsewhere, so thanks, Philbo.
2nz - March 05, 2004 - Report this comment
You da man! You need to, and by need I mean, seriously NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED to record this... (checks to see if one of the above comments already addresses this)...yeah, me not late commentor at all. So let me just end where I began: you da man!
HERE'S THE RECORDING - March 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, 2nz! Here ya go:
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/affleck.html
WINDOW WASHER MAN - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thamks for using me about 50 times . Let's see, 25 comments for about 90 odd votes, that means about 65 times WEBROOT WINDOW WASHER was used to vote and revote for this. Hell, did you run out of time? why not run it 600 times so this could crack the top 10? The pacing is off in about three places, but not a bad effort. 4-4-4
Spaff.com - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Window Washer: Thamks so much for stopping by. Four comments:
(1) I have no idea what Webroot Window Washer is.
(2) This parody has a page on my web site (http://www.spaff.com/poesy/affleck.html). That page is linked from a few places on the web, including humor.about.com. It's one of the top Google responses to searches like "Ben Affleck and J Lo." The page has been hit over 2000 times - the MP3 has been downloaded over 1200 - and it contains a link here for feedback. So I'm actually surprised there aren't more votes and comments.
(3) Like everyone else, I enjoy votes and comments (most of the time), but I have absolutely zero use for any feedback from myself.
(4) In case you hadn't heard, there's no top 10.
neminem - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah... I would like to point out that there are *always* a lot more people voting than leaving comments.
sardonicus - July 20, 2004 - Report this comment
this was as funny as weird al and his songs...keep up funny stuff
Michael Pacholek - July 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I just thought of something that might actually be wrong with this song. There's a lyric in the second verse that needs to be questioned: I'm not sure if Annie Potts knows she's a diva.
Spaff.com - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
neminem: Belated thanx for having my back.
sardonicus: Wow, that's almost as cool as being compared to Claude Prez. Thanx.
Michaelopedia: I originally had that as "everyone knows she's a diva," but now I'm really glad I changed it - your comment made me laugh for like ten minutes straight.
Billy Florio - August 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Recasting votes
Joelle - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
I missed this when it was first posted. Excellent!
Spaff.com - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Billy Don't Be A Florio (again) & Joelle!
tremak - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
This was very funny!
Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, tremak. Life as we know it just isn't the same without Bennifer.
Red Ant - October 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Geez, this lost 90+ votes? (BTW, WWN is a prick, but you already know that). Excellent work and recording is an understatement.. I like how this followed the rhythm of the original closely.
Spaff.com - November 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanx, Red. Yeah, before The Crash of '04, this had over 100 votes, more than any of my parodies before or since. Of course, as has been pointed out, all of those votes were fake. I like giving myself fake votes to boost my fake self-esteem and impress my fake friends.
Jack Wilson - November 11, 2006 - Report this comment
I remember that Spaff. For anyone who hasnt read this, this is a Spaff CLASSIC, well all of them are,but if you HAD to pick favs of his this should be in the top 10 somewhere
Spaff.com - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Jack.
Jack Wilson - December 15, 2006 - Report this comment
You're welcome Spaff
Michael Pacholek - December 21, 2006 - Report this comment
They've both moved on (to Marc Anthony & Jennifer Garner), but I can't move on from my original assessment: This may still be the best parody in Amiright history. And on merit, not just because I'm a big J-Lo fan and a big E-Fitz fan.
Spaff.com - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Michaelopedia. That's the kind of compliment that doesn't come along every day. Like Bennifer itself, the comments here are straight out of a time capsule: You had not yet done a single one of your 637 parodies of TWOTEF, and Adagio and Phil Alexander admitted to not knowing the original. Ah, to be so young and innocent again.
Jonaphantom - March 16, 2007 - Report this comment
I would comment, but, uh....there's WAY too many comments on here already! I did enjoy the parody, by the way.
Jack Wilson - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Just listened to this, still hilarious almost 6 years later (WOW!). It sure beats my Ben and J. Lo parodies I did back then, this is the mother of em all.
Spaff.com - March 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you, Jackie (over a month late) and Jonaphantom (over TWO YEARS late). Is this really from 2003? Sheesh.

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