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Song Parodies -> "Vortex At Bermuda Triangle"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Vortex At Bermuda Triangle"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

The Bermuda Triangle seems to disappear a lot of things. But where and when do they go? Why does it never seem to disappear a Category 5 storm, and if it did where and when would it wind up? Let’s say that a category 5 storm was transported through space and time (Maybe just a few days into the future and the new space it occupied was say North Korea?) Would it then cause several billion dollars of improvements? I don't know - I'm lost on this stuff.


In torrents rained on and Bermuda near drowned,
Came the big wakes as tall as tsunami.
The wakes they bring dread, ever rips up and shreds,
When the skies with there temper go whammy.

With the bar-o-met-er - 26 inches no more,
As that storm ever barreled intently.
The tide ripped and chewed, its huge cone did ensue,
As its gales of bad temper were surly.

The storm brought high tide to the Americas did ride,
Screaming flack with shrill winds, it would toss 'em.
As big gyrators blow it was just off the coast
Overdue for a slappin' this season.

Obtruding it churns as it shuffles, reels, turns,
If turns left dully noted will cleave land.
Took later a right and the rips swell hang,
Out at sea its stoked wind comes a reeling.

The wind speed grew higher with a rattled maelstrom, [1]
And the waves broke thrashing and flailing.
And as its span grew, as it happened in to.
Was a glitch of strange nature be dealing?

A pond this great it did trek fast sure and straight,
As its gales of bad temper came smashing.
In the monsoon rain with no easing came,
In what space has this hurricane pressed in?

In altered time frame an odd look just a speck,
Grey and yellow a small puff of ether.
Horizon event arcane latch came un-did,
Was surreal as was real or was neither.

What happened there and then? Was dark matter pouring in?
Was a time rip and view eth-er-e-al?
Displayed there like night a black light came into sight,
A vortex in Bermuda Triangle.

Does anyone know where the missing things go?
What occurred in mere minutes takes hours.
It lurched and it swayed in a right pitch array,
Somewhere between the "whiles" entwined there.

In black light lit up but despite its grand size,
Did time take a leap in dark matter?
And all that remains in this place is not the same,
Of when time came undone and did shatter.

Locke's isle atoll; mysterial things,
Some's the doin's of Linus's actions.
A mystical thing, turn the Orchid ring,
The island away it transports them.

At once like a blow, this hurricane shows,
Wakes in and it's eerie, what sent her?
Far and remote thrown, crossin' maritime zones,
And like hell will defenders surrender.

In that musty old hole where the Orchid waits,
They must move in time; bale out of peril,
A lurch and grind, as they hang plenty of time,
Out reach of the storm as it barreled.

The island moves on through a rip and flaw unwound,
Through a time break they fall glitchy zoomy.
Ulterior today, when would they be instead?
If the gales from Bermuda weren't quirky.

[1] Maelstrom
Noun: a powerful circular current of water (usually the resulting of conflicting tides)

Ken Leung plays the part of Miles Straume on Lost. Of interest is how they chose the role's name.

The writers created the role of Miles specifically for Leung after seeing him guest star on The Sopranos. Leung was the only actor to read for the part. They chose his name because it resembles "maelstrom", another word for a powerful whirlpool. Reaction to the character has been positive.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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AFW - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
A most mysterious and entertaining meteorological creation..admire the way you've preserved the mood of the original..
Mark Scotti - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Very creative and lengthy voyage, and an absolute PERFECT OS to do it to! 555 days lost...
metaphorsbwithu - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
No mal! No mal! Nice imaginative use of the OS. Tri-Fives for you.
Guy - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Farce - It was the perfect OS for the idea. Knowing how freaky the "Lost" series is, I wouldn't be surprised if they try something like this in their final season coming this Fall. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Mark - I actually got this idea watching the weather reports of Hurricane Bill which hit Bermuda over last weekend. Perfect Storm - Perfect OS.

Force B. - It is what I love doing and that is to spin yarns and tell stories. I do my best parody work on OS's that are ballads. Thanks.
DJ Blaze - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Great take on one of the Big 7, this one's one of my faves. And about how you do good with ballads, I seem to do well with power ballads, but that's just me. 555
Guy - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
DJ - This is my 5TH write to this OS. They get easier as you do more of them. But it's still a long write and the odd tempo and irregular rhymes and internal rhyme schemes still takes some imagination. That is why it is a "Big 7". Thanks DJ.
Tommy Turtle - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
A certain English teacher is not going to be too happy about using "disappear" as a transitive verb (one that takes an object, as in "to disappear a ship"), and frankly, neither am I.... but a tiny nit on an excellent write. I don't believe in the Bermuda Triangle myth, but as an inhabitant of warm, tropical and subtropical waters, I sure as heck believe in hurricanes, having lived through far more than I can remember. A 555 on the Saffer-Simpson-Turtle scale.
Fiddlegirl - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
As per AFW's comments, your word choices do channel the mood of the OS. Ooooooooo.....
Guy - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - You cannot possibly believe that I did not know that using the word "disappear" as I did was proper English. I just did it to irritate English teachers and certain gramatically correct shelled amphibious reptiles.

I have been in my share of hurricanes as well. I stood through around five typhoons in Japan, several hurricanes near Baltimore, Md and several in South Texas. I also had run ins with 4 tornados - one in Pennsylvania, one in Nebraska, one in Kansas and one spawned from Hurricane Gilbert in Texas in 1988. Each one was within feet of my position when they blew through.

And then I cannot count the number of earthquakes I've ex[erienced in Tokyo - never a major one however. The worst one was in a hotel when I was on temporary duty to Misawa Japan. I was on the 5TH floor of a hotel which swayed enough to move my bed about 6 feet slamming it into a wall.

But the triangle? Probably bunk but it made excellent parody fodder in this write. Thanks for commenting.

Fiddlegirl - When I got the idea for this I didn't even have to think of what OS to use - the choice was instantaneous. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Timmy1000 - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Great match of OS to your yarn and very well written. Glad to see another "Lostie" here - my favorite show.
Fiddlegirl - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy... re: your response to TT-- are you sure you're not just bad luck? -- kind of like J. Fletcher in "Murder She Wrote" (everytime she showed up somewhere, someone died...) ;) xoxo
Guy - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Timmy1K - My 1st l Lostie hit the site around Apr. 5, 2005 and it was also a TWOTEF OS. A whole lot of stuff happened on the show since then, but the parody was well received. Boone and his sister Shannon were both still alive, Hurley had not yet told anyone about his lotto win, and Sun and Jin were only speaking Korean at the time this was written. And Clair was still prego. In fact I didn't even know the name of the airline when I wrote this so I made one up. Thanks for reading and commenting. If you want to catch the earlier TWOTEF installment here is the link:

Fiddlegirl - If I were bad luck I would not be typing this now. I actually have incredible luck it would seem. On June 19, 1985 I missed being blown up by a terrorist bomb at the Pan-Am ticket counter in Frankfurt airport. I was on temporary duty at the time and we were sending two members of our team home early. My Colonel and I left the area just 5 minutes before it blew up. It didn't hit home until we saw the Stars & Stripes morning edition newspaper with a pic. of the blast area. I would have been hurt or seriously killed for sure. I still have that newspaper.

While I'm on the subject a very good friend that I graduated HS with was in Germany on temporary duty as a DOD contractor and was due to fly home on Dec 21, 1988. He was married to my cousin - they divorced some time ago. He was booked on Pan Am Flight 103 but missed the flight. That was the flight that was blown out of the sky over Lockerbie, Scotland. .Bad news spreads fast and everyone back home thought he had perished until the next day when he walked through the front door to his family. The coincidences between my friend Jim and I are remarkable. We went to the same HS, we went to the same Technical school after HS. We both dodged the draft - I joined the USAF and he joined the Marines - He never was the sharpest knife in the drawer. Actually his dad was a Marine in WWII. I think that is why he joined. We both worked in the IT field and we were both nearly killed in terrorist incidents that were directed at Pan Am and we were both in Germany when the bad stuff happened.

Twilight Zone theme
TT - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Actually, I do believe it, that being not your specialty. But as mentioned, so what? Fantastic write, and a side order of rib :) .... thought ya could handle it. Sorry for any offense given. I won't make any such comments on your songs again.
Guy - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
TT - I never took that comment seriously - I was goofing back with you. Remember that I am sarcastic and my humor is a bit on the wry side. No apology required. Laugh a bit will ya? I took the whole thing in fun - didn't you when you wrote it? I can take 'em as well as I can give 'em. It's all good and it's all fun. =;-) 0
John Barry - August 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Poe-tic. Sort of a descent into the maelstrom.
FG @ Guy - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Holy cats! You've got some waaaaay awesome guardian angels, man... :) Heaven must have some big plans for you!
Miles Straume - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Along with everything else I lost my watch and I even had it set to standard time warp.
Timmy1000 - August 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks for the link on the first parody. I did go back and read and this was well done. I guess you get one more when it ends next year.
Guy - August 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Timmy1K - Yeah I reread it when I penned this one - I couldn't believe how much has happened on Lost since then. We had no clue what was coming back then.
adagio - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
good job, Guy 5's of course
Guy - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Ms. Pat. Are you writing something? Be nice to see something from you out here. Do you watch Lost? I know you are a huge X -Files fan. Appreciate you reading and commenting.
Doc M - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment
I love this song. I could deffenately get "lost" in this one for days. 555!
Guy - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Doc M - Thanks for the accolades.
adagio to Guy - September 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Well, I'm trying to write anoter one. Wish me luck!!
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Definitely plausible on a show like this! For a while I kept thinking they were going to tie in the late-2004 tsunami somehow... A twisty turny whirlpool of 5s for ya!
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Bilbopooh - It was certainly within the possibilities of the "Lost" plot at the time this work was written. Anyway, it was a lot of fun just to write it. So here ya go folks, an anti-climax to an alternate ending to an epic series. Thanks, Bil. - I really didn't expect you to go looking this one up. Appreciate the additional exposure.

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