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Song Parodies -> "Queued Next In The North Jersey Herald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Queued Next In The North Jersey Herald"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

For a Youtube look and listen to an amazing video of the OS of "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot" click HERE





They're legends in towns like Aliquippa [1] they're found,
To the big lake way up there by Erie.
There's "Snake" he got dead, with a round to the head,
He forgot to remember things clearly.

They're a load of hard core, twenty kicked drownded off shore,
Made the North Jersey Herald obitsies.
'Cause loose lips are booed, to the bone you get screwed,
Those who tell on our members get buried.

You're spit if you've lied; there is nowhere you can hide,
You'll be laid on boot hill with your johnson.
They'll make big crater holes, pull the trigger you're toast,
If you screw with a Capo, it's treason.

Dead dudes sleep with worms, with a contract deal turned,
Where they're dumped fully bloated near Cleveland.
Then later they'll fight, bullets spit hell bang,
Ever bring forth no end to the killing.

Life ends for all liars and the tattletale clowns,
In the grave blokes lie in their failing.
As ev'ry man knew to his Capo be true,
'Cause a snitch fires tempers for squealing.

The Don he is great in his Lexus seals the fate,
As he yells shows his temper's for trashing.
A whacker goon came, his name "Freeze-N-Maim",
In your face in no hurry came dustin'.

You'll suffer dime game, if they book you for wreck,
These "good-fellahs" they play rough, they'll eat you.
Eleven GMs with some cash-pay waived in,
These "good-fellas" their cash they all go through.

When Capos fire men, comes the slaughter gunning men,
It's a good hittin' crew brings them peril,
Made later by fight, in gun sites, met their plight,
They're queued next in the North Jersey Herald.

If catch them death row, where the fear of God knows,
Where the warden does flick it the power.
The surges convey in a white flash display,
It's the sizzling of wires that fry there.

They fight then split up; dead to rights are capped guys.
They smoked every creep in the slaughter.
They write their remains on news pages for the slain,
And list wives and their sons or their daughters.

The curtain tolls, superiors bring,
Down a screwin' in "Ice" slaughter fashion.
Old "Mitch" and "Stan" scheme, but a loose tongue sings,
The wisened make prey of these dork men.

"Frank Furter" was slow; he'll carry his woe,
Scrapin' and makes barely some tender.
Cooked in iron pots slow, sauce marinara al Joe,
Eat these meals don't keep slender these members.

If you're crusty, have gall, you exploit your prey,
Like old Carmine "Too Loud" Boccotesta.
His hoarse yelled chimes; he's spent plenty of dimes,
For those scanned in the North Jersey Herald.

They're legends in towns like Aliquippa they're found,
To the big lake way up there by Erie.
Inferiors they pay, never live, wind up dead,
Then interred by pall bearers in Jersey.



[1] Aliquippa is a city in Beaver County, Pennsylvania, United States and is part of the Pittsburgh Metro Area.

For details about this town click HERE

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
It wouldn't be an official "Edmund Fitzgerald" parody if I didn't at least comment. Now... The Paterson paper's actual name is the North Jersey Herald & News, but that's an inconsequential gripe. "Fully bloated near Cleveland"? Sounds like a reference to C.C. Sabathia. "Tattletale clowns" was a stroke of genius. But no Don would ever ride in a Lexus. Italians who can afford it, innocent and otherwise, favor Cadillacs. Alas, New Jersey's death penalty is lethal injection, and in the 27 years since we brought it back, we've never used it. (That's what we have Mobsters for.) But to give you a five is an offer I can't refuse.
John Barry - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Best "Wreck" yet, IMO. Genius.
alvin - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
you must be getting carpal tunnel with all these long songs.....beautifully done, though
ann Hammond - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
cool
2Eagle - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Good effort.
AFW - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
You are the Jimmy Breslin of amiright..
Michael Pacholek - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Yeah, Alvin, Guy is Long Song Silver. AFW: I hope he doesn't drink as much as Breslin.
Stan Hall - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Guy's wiseguys ... always good hoods. :-)
Guy - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Michael - I know what a stickler for accuracy you are. Originally I was going with "Who's Next For The Newark World Herald". Then I thought of you. I did a google search for Newark News Papers and came up with the "Newark Star Ledger". I then changed the name to "Queued Up For The Newark Star Ledger". I then explained this in a bottom comment and urged the readers to substitute "Newark World Herald" for the Star Ledger refs. and in parens I wrote (Anything to keep Mr. Pacholek happy). Then I did a google search for newspapers in Jersey with the name Herald in them. I hit on the North Jersey Herald. So I removed the bottom comment and went with what I have now. But as you said this is "an inconsequential gripe". A google search for "North Jersey Herald" will list this parody at the current time on the 2nd page of Google hits. It was three from the top at 10:00AM CST.

And for what Italians like to drive you are preaching to the choir here. They not only like Caddies but also Chryslers and Lincolns. My uncle who was a bit hooked up drove Chryslers exclusevely. So the Don was in a rental and he was yelling about the guy who made the car rental arrangements. This guy is now either "fully bloated near Cleveland", "drownded off shore" or on boot hill with his johnson.

As for the method of execution, 9 states still have electrocution on the books and this parody did cover most of the east coast. It was nondescript of the location and only hinted of electrocution. New Jersey is just where the paper was that carried the Obits. I did it for you Michael. I figured TWOTEF, mob and Jersey would catch your eye for sure since you are the undisputed master of the TWOTEF parody. I think that mobster idea for the DP is a good idea. Instead of death by lethal injection, it should be death by mob hit. Thanks for your comments Michael and glad you liked the parody. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it.

Boy, that Mikey's an arm load. Have to spell everything out for him. Whose next? Ah yes - Sir John - "Best Wreck" LOL! That is an oxymoron for sure if I ever have heard one. Thanks.

Sir Alvin - Mi goombadrè - I'll take the carpal tunnel over a hit anytime. Carmine wasn't real thrilled that I used his name in the parody. But he owes me a favor so he's lettin' me slide on this. Things were sure quiet when he went on that "vacation" for a few months. My serenity went out the window when he returned and the ringing in my ears has returned. I see "2 LOUD" really liked your parody today. I have to teach that guy how to vote in a very respectful manner. Thanks!

Ann - "Cool" has to be way better then your standard "he he". I'm takin' "cool" to the bank. Thanks!

2Eagle - Thanks - you have an interesting screen name. Is it like double eagle like the $20.00 gold coin or spelled out like tweegle? Or something else. Anyway I appreciate your comment. And besides it is really none of my business - just some curiousity.

Farce - That is quite the complement. I am taken aback with that comment in a good way. You make my day sir. Thanks!

And Mikey weighs in again - I like that - Long Song Silver - Thanks, Michael.

Stan - You know what they say though - the only good hood is a ... Thank you most kindly sir.
Jason - April 18, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC-Q) Excellent!
Red Ant - April 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Some really fine and funny subs, particularly "Freeze-N-Maim" for "freezin' rain" and "sauce marinara al Joe" for "...mariners all know". I had to look up what "Capo" meant in this context, and the significance of the names escapes me, but this was very well done. 5s.
Matthias - April 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Don't know what to say... I don't want you to flip out on me again. (That was a bit cruel, because you appoligized and since you posted it everywhere you have to honestly feel remorse for what you did... So I forgive you.) It might take some real big doing for me to like you again, after you flipped out on me for writing just how I felt about your parody, but that's only reasonable. This wasn't bad, but it's going to take me awhile to really enjoy your work again. Sorry Guy, but that's how it has to be.
Guy - April 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Matt - You said back to me way more than you could ever imagine. You are giving me what I asked for - some time because "sorry" just don't get it except in that it was a sorry thing I did. You could have just ignored me and that you did not shows that you are a being a real man about it. It is my job to try to live this thing down. Thanks Matt.
Agrimorfee - April 22, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Seeing the above comments which I will not comment upon, i walk here with catlike tread. This was an interesting and smartly crafted parody to say the least (such research!), but a bit too obtuse for me to really enjoy. Hope you understand that, Guy.
Guy - April 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Agri - Thanks and I really wish everyone would stop walking on eggshells around me. I made a mistake for which I guess I will never be able to live down. Say what you need to say and please be done with it. I am over it but apparently no one else is and I can't really blame them. There will be no more outbursts from me and probably not a lot more parodies either for that matter. I screwed up and lost credibility and for that I am prepared to resign writing.
Below Average Dave - April 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I don't feel the need to walk on egg shells, as I posted back and would do in a heart beat, but I will say this: This was an EXCELLENT write of a down right awful song. On a comedy scale I found it a major improvement over TOS which I disdain and totally missed the rhyme scheme. In fact, this was the only parody of the "Seven Deadly Sins" parodies I did that flopped. I applaud the effort, I applaud your mastery of the rhyme scheme, but I do have to give you a slight hard time for making me listen to this OS.
stuart mcarthur - April 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) without really getting it Guy (is it a Sopranos-based story?) it was clearly very well-written and thorough and assuming it's mafia-related the clever gags were all there too - big points from me - 555
Invisible Boy - April 30, 2008 - Report this comment
"Why didn't I come to this sooner"

Praise to the effort you made in taking on this OS and doing a great job. I especially like the cast of colorful characters you have created.

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