-> "Wrecked By the Iowa Caucus"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Parody Song Title:
"Wrecked By the Iowa Caucus"
The legend lives on from Pottawottamie down
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!
With that load of bullcrap, nearly 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?
The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!
Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!
They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!
The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!
The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!
In seventy-six, Jimmy Carter hit the sticks
at a time when this vote had not mattered.
He won and it showed that New Hampshire's big load
of being "first in the nation" was shattered!
So sucker-time came and George Bush came on deck
thinking with this win, he had momentum.
It didn't work out, Reagan had the most clout.
Daddy Bush wishes now he'd out-spent him!
The networks wired in, won by Pat Robertson.
Bush's second try seemed then in peril.
But his son wrapped up fast, dispatched entire cast
who sank fast like the Edmund Fitzgerald!
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when these speeches turn minutes to hours?
Old Howard Dean screamed like a young man's dreams
but John Kerry's vote over him towered!
And then, off they go, to New Hampshire, you know
where the issues are completely different.
I don't know why these States have control o'er our fates.
But on being first, they're still insistent!
In a musty old school in Des Moines, they line up
and then somebody's party is raucous.
On the GOP side, Huckabee is the pride.
Romney, wrecked by the Iowa Caucus!
The Clintons go on, Hillary didn't get crown
'cause this vote went to Barack Obama.
If he goes on to win in the general election
Democrats will say, "Repubs: Yo' Mama!"
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|How Funny: ||4.6|
|Overall Rating: ||4.6|
|Total Votes: ||9|
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