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Song Parodies -> "I Will Surfride"

Original Song Title:

"I Will Survive"

Original Performer:

Gloria Gaynor

Parody Song Title:

"I Will Surfride"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

It looked like a blade
On board's underside.
I thought I surely wouldn't live
If I should take a dive.
Those big breakers are a fright;
Once they start, they last so long.
If I'm wrong,
I could be crabs' carrion.

I'll take a crack
At a slow pace.
Although I am writhing in fear,
I do not show it on my face
To a limpid lagoon I walk
With a board for a tyro: me.
Babes on the beach at the bay beckon;
I can't look like a pussy.

It take it slow upon the shore,
Won't get sunburned now--
Got SPF of 94.
Before I used sunblock, would have had a good fry.
I trip and stumble,
I fall down, sand in my eye.
But still I'll try.
I will surfride
And hope I keep my ass above
Water and not take a dive,
And hope that I don't get shivved
By the fin, I might not live.
Still I'll surfride,
I will surfride!

It takes all the strength I have
Just to get a start.
As luck has it, I bend
And my Speedo is torn apart.
My rear end's now shining white
With no SPF on to help
My heinie fries,
Meanwhile, my head goes soaring high.
And the UVs
Get me there too.
This chain of events could not worsen--
Then I feel some poo.
Above, a seagull's dropping shits
That land on me cranially
My head I then start a-rubbin'
While a crab's tuggin' on me.

Holds, won't let go,
My c*ck is sore.
I get crab off now
With a blast from my .44.
I think I might have to kiss my sex life goodbye;
Perhaps a pump'll
Permit me to raise it high.
I now surmise,
I won't surfride--
It seems that someone up above
Just doesn't want me alive.
So I strike a match to flint,
Torch the board and start to sprint.
Screw the surfride--
I will survive!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   1
 4   2
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job, John...I had to sing with Gloria Gaynor's attitude, which made it even funnier!
alvin rhodes - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
improvement on the OS...5s
AFW - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I shore gotta' hang three fives on this..
Peter Andersson - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I would have expected this subject from the Ozzies John, but interesting.
Paul Robinson - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I thought this was going to be about the Nitwits who were interviewed on CNN this past weekend who planned on going out on the surf right AFTER Hurrican Dennis passed thru to catch the groovy fact, one of them was WEARING a T-shirt that said "Half-wits" on the front of it...and interviewer Carol Lynn asked if that had any connection at one point...No, it was a "Band" the nitwit belonged to...boy, and they WERE real Nitwits, too...could barely put a complete sentence together...Nice job here, JB...
Dee Range - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
This was one hell of a day at the beach, John...but not picnic. 5's
Rick C - July 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Ha! Fivers, dude!

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