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Song Parodies -> "Jean Chretien, Naturally"

Original Song Title:

"Alone Again, Naturally"

Original Performer:

Gilbert O'Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"Jean Chretien, Naturally"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This song again? Naturally. "So I throw the ball to Who?" "Naturally!" Sorry, couldn't resist. A tribute to the man who was Prime Minister of Canada from November 4, 1993 to December 12, 2003 -- and, from January 20, 2001 to December 12, 2003, was Leader of the Free World. (Sorry, Tony Blair, but he had seniority over you.) His enemies called him Jean the Cretin, but he beat them all: Brian Mulroney, Kim Campbell, Jacques Parizeau, Lucien Bouchard, Preston Manning, Stockwell Day, Joe Clark redux, Gilles Duceppe, Bernard Landry, the CBC, the Globe and Mail, the Toronto Sun, Le Devoir (Montreal's French paper), Le Soleil (Quebec City's paper), the Calgary Herald, the Edmonton Sun, even Paul Martin, who ruined the Liberal majority. Scandals? Compared to whom? History will be kinder to Chretien than to any other PM since his old boss Pierre Trudeau.
(Jacques Parizeau, separatist Premier (Governor) of Quebec, 1994-96)
In a little while from now
("You tell 'em, Jacques Parizeau!")
I promise myself to treat myself
to Ottawa's overthrow.
I'll climb up to the top
and throw that red flag off
in an effort to make it clear to who-
ever thinks we should be staying
left in this crazy land!
That's the hand that I'll be playing!
But money and the ethnic vote
my sovereignty, they're slaying.
And who then can I blame
for giving my land shame?
Jean Chretien, naturally!

(Brian Mulroney, Prime Minister 1984-93)
To think that only yesterday
my philosophy held sway
looking forward to
my triumph, it's true
but Meech Lake was thrown away.
And as if to knock me down
the Liberals came around
and took back Quebec.
I felt like a wreck.
And my party's now in pieces.
Leaving me to doubt
talk about our nation's future
for if it truly does exist
why'd it need him to suture?
And in my hour of need
who upholds our land's creed?
Jean Chretien, naturally!

(Kim Campbell, Prime Minister four months in 1993,
taking the electoral fall for Mulroney)
It seems to me that there are more hearts
broken by this vote
that can't be mended.
That's unintended.
Our caucus blew.
It's down to two.

(instrumental break)

Jean Chretien, naturally.

(Paul Martin, longtime Cabinet member, Prime Minister 2003-06)
And looking back over the years
and I wonder why I get sneers
I remember how I slashed all the budget hash
and Jean's the one who got the cheers.
And at 89 years old
my father, God rest his soul
was denied, you know
by Pearson and Trudeau.
Now, by voters I'm forsaken.
Leaving Jean to laugh
at the staff he once had hired.
Without us he'd have never won.
So why then were we fired?
And with scandal got away
leaving me the one to pay!
Jean Chretien, naturally!

Jean Chretien, naturally!
There, and I wrote the entire parody without mentioning his contentious relationship with Georgie Bush... or his very strong relationship with Bill Clinton! This leaves uncovered the years 1873-78, 1911-20, 1930-35, and 1948-93. I've got good ideas for Mulroney (1984-93), Joe Clark (1979-80), John Diefenbaker (1957-63), Charles Tupper (1896), Mackenzie Bowell (1894-96) and Alexander Mackenzie (1873-78). I'm not satisfied with the one I have for Louis St. Laurent (1948-57). The rest, I seem to be stuck on, and when you consider that one of them is Trudeau (1968-79, 1980-84), that's unacceptable. Maybe one written from Margaret's perspective...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Come on, there's gotta be at least one Canadian on this site willing to comment!
Adam B - April 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Good one Mike. Not Canadian, but most Americans don't even know what the Capital of Canada is, much less the PMs.
Michael Pacholek - April 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Ottawa, Ontario. Home of an overrated hockey team that hasn't won the Stanley Cup since 1927. Of course, they weren't even in the league from 1934 to 1992. Still, they look to find a reason to de-Leaf.
Michael Steele - May 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Yes, I am one of the south of the border types who is fascinated by what I don't understand, that is, Canadian politics. Whenever I have visited I feel like I have entered the twilight zone. Everything is the same, but not really. What was Meech Lake? What did Mulroney do that would make the conservatives completely disappear? What are the senators riding? Who is this Harper guy?

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