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Song Parodies -> "Rhetoric Geek"

Original Song Title:

"Pencil-Neck Geek"

Original Performer:

Freddie Blassie

Parody Song Title:

"Rhetoric Geek"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

When I was in English, one student was hell—
In bar of bombast, he controlled the well,
And everyone would start to cringe when he would speak—
Of talk there was no dearth, ’cause he’s a rhetoric geek.

Sometime arguments were circular, deadly thick. . .
Mouth opened—out came rhetoric.
And if there’s one thing lower than a slide-rule freak,
It’s a shit-bleating, tongue-wagging rhetoric geek.

He had a tongue prehensile wiggling in his head;
Just an up-piped keener, inducing much dread;
Was a lug who’d quit talkin’ if you broke his beak,
Otherwise he’d not quit speaking, rhetoric geek.

Rhetoric geek, fixin’ to speak,
Induced in me dread. . .mouth a ceaseless word creek.
Wished he was banned from the class each week. . .
Nothing but a rhetoric geek.

Oh, this geek was poppin’ off, never shut down;
He just wouldn’t desist. . .like a spring always wound.
Dude was more than I could take, so hyperlinguistic;
This creep made me nigh visc’rally sick.

Each day he’d not shut up. . .masturbate
Verbally; word jerking wouldn’t abate.
Stewed? Not the geek—didn’t drink. . .as if he were fed
Meth for his breakfast and coke-oven-baked bread.

Rhetoric geek, fixin’ to speak—
What spewed from his head was a ceaseless word creek.
Wished he was banned from the class, that freak. . .
Nothing but a rhetoric geek.

Well late one night, we grabbed him and got him bound;
Around his mouth, yards of duct tape were wound.
Then, after we had him all taped up and trussed,
We packed and put in on a Chile-bound bus.

Rhetoric geek, reachin’ the peaks
Of Andes, box-bound, unable to speak.
He’s been missing a couple of weeks.
What became of rhetoric geek?
(Rhetorical question—quite weak).

Well, once that geek was a high-flown doyen,
But now with Dons and Doñas he’s spendin’ time.
If he learns Spanish, it’s hard times for the

Y señors
Los perros
Los gatos
When they encounter
El pazguato retórico. . .
Rhetoric geek.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Patrick - August 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Reminds me of the old Dr Demento show. Anyone who could produce these rhymes is quite a master of rhetoric himself. Where did you find "pazguato"?
John Barry - August 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, Patrick. I first heard the OS on DD. Found pazguato in my Oxford Spanish Dictionary.
Ausfahrt - August 10, 2011 - Report this comment
This was actually pretty good
Puto - August 10, 2011 - Report this comment
This was amazing! 5's
Riptide Watcher - August 10, 2011 - Report this comment
I also first heard the OS on Dr. Demento radio. I knew a guy in my Artificial Intelligence class in college (I have a degree in computer programming) and he'd spout off strange stuff as if he act a warehouse load of sci-fi and scientific technical textbooks and comix. Then there was this geek(ess) in a calculas class I was in - she was really off the wall. Then in a Psych class during my first quarter of college there were the "Golden Girls" - 3 older women who had the "answers" to everything, they were always stumping the instructor - going WAY over everyone else's heads! I knew plenty more elsewhere but I'll just stop here and say that your parody is very good. A whole bag of donuts and some 5s!

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