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Song Parodies -> "New 'Pork', New 'Pork'!"

Original Song Title:

"New York, New York"

Original Performer:

Frank Sinatra

Parody Song Title:

"New 'Pork', New 'Pork'!"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

It seems Paris Hilton's no longer content to rein (reign?) herself in...
Here's a YouTube sing-a-long version
New 'Pork', New 'Pork'!
(by Paris Hilton)

Blah, blah, blah-blah-blah…
Blah, blah, blah-blah-blah…
Bra, bra, bra, Nada, DUH!

Start bedding Tom Cruise
*while* mounting M.J.
I want to reek of 'super freak'—
New ‘pork’,
New ‘pork’

These shag-a-blonde screws
and frat boy buffets
Now bore me stiff - those uber-geeks—
Pru- dorks,
Pru- dorks!

I wanna three-way Dennis Rodman
with ‘big horn’ sheep
Then wake as Doctor Phil's slave –
‘Little Ho Peep’

These spittled on boobs
Are longing to play
Unslaked, this randy tart—like Brit—
Needs ‘pork’,
New ‘pork’!

I don’t do — lay-ssez faire
I’m more a — Miss Times Square!

I’ve schtupp’d the queue
Que ‘pork’,
New ‘pork’!

~ Bump n’ grind instrumental ~
(heavy on 'horn')

New pork,
New pork!

I want to shag a smallish city,
Hump ‘em in heaps—
And find I’m: 'kay, not a nun!
Swap of the tryst!
Kink of the thrill!
HEY – NOT – A – NUN!

I - used – to – re-fuse
the svelte and the fey–
But now I'll try new kinds of 'guys' -
Oooh! Bjork!
YOU… Bjork!

Then next I’ll { Boom, Tish! } ravish Cher,
And see what’s { Tish, Boom! } REALLY there!

It’s schtupp YOU, TOO
New ‘Pork’!

Ewww! ‘Pork’!,
Ewww! ‘Pork’!

~ explosive horns ~

EWE ‘PORK’*?!!!

*isn't that two-thirds of a club sandwich?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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Guy - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
This sheds a whole new light on "Pork Barrell". This rates an earmark of $555K. Loved the ‘Little Ho Peep’ ref. Well done.
Mark Scotti - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
You're a regular Frank Sleezatra!!! LOL! Great one...
Below Average Dave - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
At first I thought this was going to be like TCOP's Eat Pork, eat Pork, but it was a neat twist, and interesting choice on 'character' to sing, original is one of the classic Sinatra songs, so it's always nice to see it parodied too.
alvin - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
porkingly pleasant
TJC - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks guys...she's probably not *quite* this bad! And if she sues, my only defense is I couldn't quite force that 'York' / 'Spock' rhyme! [*mopes wistfully*]
Phil Alexander - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
:-) ...and doncha just love Paris in the spring? Maybe you could do a "Producers" parody sequel: "Springtime for Hilton pornography" ;-)
Tommy Turtle - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
"spittled on boobs"? -- LOL! (aside from the fact that as a compound adjective, "spittled-on" should be hyphenated :) :) :)

Too bad for PH they cleaned up Times Square. Her great-grandfather who founded the hotel chain, Conrad Hilton, looking down from Heaven, must be every bit as proud of her as I am of you for this Master-- no, make that Mistresspiece. (Maybe I'm even a little prouder than CH.) I rain/rein/reign 555+ on you (don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you're homophonic) for "doing" her in the only way that any sane person would. Much safer - haven't heard of PTDs yet ("parody-transmitted).

As for that lawsuit, I'll bet she'd settle out of court and in bed. Wear a hazmat suit when you "settle".
Frank Sinatra - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
What, my comment at your "Moon River" parody didn't give ya da hint, and ya disrespect me again? Well, ya got cajones, anyway....
TJC - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Phil--Thanks.. Clever title sub worthy of full production, me thinks!
Tommy--Rarely, especially on issues grammar, would I challenge you--however--*clearly* this is a prepHo-sitional phrase, and requires no hymen. As to the rest, thanks for the props/v/c! BTW, as yule recall, I'm extremely homophonophobic...
Timmy1000 - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Maybe Paris could do a "duet" with Sinatra for this - liked the Schtupp you too - clever.
Your Fourth-Grade English Teacher - April 10, 2009 - Report this comment
"These spittled on boobs Are longing to play".
Subject = "boobs". Verb = "are longing". Prepositional phrase = "to play". Adjectives modifying subject/noun "boobs" = "These" (adjectives answer, "Which, what kind of, how many? -- which boobs? these). and also "spittled-on" (Which or what kind of boobs? "spittled-on" ones.)

Point, game, set, and match to Turtle. A smack on the knuckles to Mr. Monogram.
TJC - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Teach... I guessssss you're right..... but you know I'm only a 3rd grader!

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