Learn to tie a tie
Bottom should not lie above the waist
Your style kind of bites
Who really wears paisley these days?

I've seen it before, on almost every guy
Your collar's not down, or else your knot's too wide
That tie's gettin' old, all worn-out and frayed
If it is stained you shuold throw it away

Learn to tie a tie
Bottom should not lie above the waist
You want the clip-on kind
Ya gotta know how one of these days...

I've seen it before, on almost every guy
Your collar's not down, or else your knot's too wide
That tie's gettin' old, all worn-out and frayed
If it is stained you shuold throw it away

Ties! Ties! Ties!
You really need to
Leaaarn.. tooo.. tieee..
Learn to tie your tie, you see

Youuu yooouu yooou
Cannot tie a tie

Learn to tie a tie
Learn to tie a tie today

{ad lib a bunch of stuff about tying ties}