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Song Parodies -> "I'll Buy No Carbs (The Atkins Diet Song)"

Original Song Title:

"All By Myself"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eric Carmen

Parody Song Title:

"I'll Buy No Carbs (The Atkins Diet Song)"

Parody Written by:

Bob Gomez

The Lyrics

When I was young
I weighed at least a quarter ton
And pigging out was just for fun
Those days are gone

Now I've slimmed down
I lost about four hundred pounds
By eating steak with no hash browns
(They're out of bounds...)

I'll buy no carbs
No rice or bread
I'll buy no carbs
Anymore

I'll buy no carbs
No Tater Tots
I'll buy no carbs
Anymore

Won't eat a crumb
I walk right past the Cinnabon
The pizza place had to adjust:
All cheese, no crust

I'll buy no carbs
No rice or bread
I'll buy no carbs
Anymore

I'll buy no carbs
No Tater Tots
I'll buy no carbs
Anymore

No fries, no spelt
I will not eat
Those pasta shells
Anymore

Now I'm so svelte
You see my ribs
I'm so damn svelte
Skin and bones.....

ęBob Gomez 2004

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   11
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User Comments

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Johnny D - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
A delicious addition to The Amiright Atkins Parody Canon!
Ashkicksass - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, Bob. Great one!
Leo Jay - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Love the pizza bit and the fries/spelt variation. Really nice.
Bob Gomez, eating whatever the hell I want to - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Johnny--please recommend the other faves of yours in this vein. It's a fad diet that is well worthy of being mocked.
AKA: thanks, dude, I appreciate it.
Leo J: wow! You know what spelt is? I'm impressed! Variations on choruses are one of the great pleasures of being a parodist. We're not constrained by pop music formulas such as the same chorus over and over again. Thanks again all, and happy and balanced eating enjoyment to everyone. d;:^)
Joelle - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
5's! That was great! But what is "spelt?"
Johnny D - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
"Atkins Diet Rhapsody"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/queen185.shtml

"Atkins"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/theassociation12.shtml

"Carbophobes (The Atkins Diet song)"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/paulsimon50.shtml

"Atkins"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/paparoach4.shtml

"Atkin's Song"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/blink182118.shtml

"Atkins"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/shaggy17.shtml

"When You Saw Atkins' End"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles771.shtml

"Dr. Atkins' Low In Carbs Food Fad"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles768.shtml

"Take It Off The Bun"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/aerosmith21.shtml

John Barry - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
5s for "spelt" and "svelte." Tighten that belt.
Michael Pacholek - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Doctor Fatkins is dead. Long live carbs!
Olvan The Terrible - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny you should parody an Eric Carmen song and make it about fat people, because the name "Eric Carmen" sounds almost identical to a certain overweight cartoon icon.
Bob Gomez, spelt with a Z - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny: dude, your thoroughness is thoroughly impressive. Thanks for the lists of Atkins songs. Maybe a contest is in order.
Joelle: spelt is a grain used for breads moreso in Europe than the US. People who are allergic to wheat can usually tolerate it, so it's a good alternative.
John B: it's so tight, my outie is turning into an innie. Your comments made me want to eat smelt.
Michael, my motto is, "No ideas but in food!", to paraphrase a famous poet from your state. I pretty much live on carbs most days. I'm 6'2", 170.
Olvan, I think you may have something there. Cartman and Carmen are pretty much alter egos as I see it.
Thanks to all for the comments and thoughts. d;:^)

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