Elk attack impends
It’s a Canada revenge
When’s that rutting season end?
Moosey bride! Moosey bride!
Came here for the bass
Now I’m freezing off my ass
These perils: Must outlast
Must be strong! Must be strong!

See the sky, the snow's about to start
Ol’ North Wind has froze my lower parts
Bet that you’ll not find no sunny hearth
Tongue is froze to palate so I curth!
You've got the freezin’ snow, polar winds a-blow
My God, to feel my toes, that is my goal

Just inches from my thighs:
Fearful antlers, crazy eyes
As I crap myself inside
There’s my life! Passing by!
Woe betide me, 'spose I wasn’t smart
Camping trip, it blowed right from the start

A lotta Molson brew... Step in husky poo...
A lotta caribous... and cold igloos...

(Insert tedious, seemingly endless Northern Lights Show here)

Warning: grizzly scene
In this phase of season mean
Will shun salmon for a lean
Human bein'! Human bein’!
Florida’s the land
Where I’ll future take this stand:
My next vacation’s better planned
(Disneyland! Disneyland!)
Warm up! Warm up! Warm up!
Flee the snow!

Aurora skies, they rule
This frostbite is something cruel
Severed digits and my tool
Gee it’s cool, gee it’s cool
With respect to those homegrown
I’ll continue to bemoan
Whole damn place should be postponed
Hold the phone! Arctic zone!
Hail, sleet and snow!
Hail, sleet and snow!
Did I mention snow?
Fie on snow!
Fie on snow!