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Song Parodies -> "Couldn't Handle That He'd Win"

Original Song Title:

"Candle In the Wind"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Couldn't Handle That He'd Win"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Our President will not gloat. So those of us who support him must do it for him.
(instrumental opening)

Goodbye, Willard Mitt.
No one ever liked you at all.
You had no grace, you hurt yourself
while those around you crawled.

Crawled out of the woodwork
just like you and your friends at Bain
who closed the stores and steel mills
while you used your family name.

And it seems that you must get a life.
You couldn't handle that he'd win
never knowing who to lie to
when the Bain fell in.

And we didn't want to know you.
Now forever rid.
Your campaign began long ago.
Your victory never did.

Phoniness, not tough.
An easy role you always played.
Fox News created a superstar
but Bain and lies, waylaid.

Just like Bush, you lied
but the press did call out you.
All the papers had to say
was that vote Mitt, and you're screwed.

And it seems that you must get a life.
You couldn't handle that he'd win
never knowing who to lie to
when the Bain fell in.

And we didn't want to know you.
Now forever rid.
Your campaign began long ago.
Your victory never did.

Goodbye, Willard Mitt.
No one ever liked you at all.
You had no grace, you hurt yourself
while those around you crawled.

Goodbye, Willard Mitt
from the young man in the fifty-point-five percent
who sees you as less than successful.
You never will be President.

And it seems that you must get a life.
You couldn't handle that he'd win
never knowing who to lie to
when the Bain fell in.

And we didn't want to know you.
Now forever rid.
Your campaign began long ago.
Your victory never did.

Your campaign began long ago.
Your victory never did.

(instrumental close)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   4
 4
 4
 

User Comments

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Patrick - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment
Not an easy song to work with. You captured fairly well the reason for Romney's failure to connect. Reagan won because people voted "for" him. Most Republicans voted "against" Obama, not "for" Romney. Obama's health take-over was patterned after Romney's plan in Massachusetts. Obama would like to impose Mass gun laws on the rest of the country. Not enough difference for a conservative to get excited about. By the way, I do not post numerical ratings, so the 111 came from someone else.
Michael Pacholek - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment
If Obama would like to impose mass gun laws on the rest of the country, why hasn't he tried it?
Patrick - November 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Consensus among the gun enthusiasts is that he is waiting for his second term. The only time he mentioned guns in the first term was when he had the pep rally for himself in Arizona after Representative Gifford, her gay staff member and the six year old girl were shot. A republican judge and several other people were killed or wounded, but they weren't mentioned at all. The crowd all wore Obama tee shirts they were given when they showed up at the auditorium. Bill Clinton, in his State of the Union speech mentioned that a large part of the Democrat congress had been unseated due to the Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban. A lesson maybe Obama has learned. I just read an article on New Jersey handgun purchase laws. A nightmare. In Kansas and Missouri they can be traded freely as any other merchandise. Lots of people buying assault rifles and handguns right now. Wonder if Obama owns stock in Ruger or Smith & Wesson.

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