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Song Parodies -> "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

Original Song Title:

"Tiny Dancer"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

Parody Written by:

Red Ant

The Lyrics

Inspired by and dedicated to ChuckyG's new book Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza: And Other Misheard Lyrics. Many of the lyrics in this parody are in the "Tiny Dancer" misheard archive here. Note: this works best with the album version.
~intro~

Bleu Cheese baby - L.A. laid a
Mistress for the band
Beady eyes - Irish smile
You very amusing man
Gallery nun - who must have seen us
Danzig's in the sand
And now he's in deep - always wiggly
Tony Danza ... in my ham!

Jesus streaks - out in the streets
Handling chickens, I forgot
Turnip back - Jesus laughs
The bullet art is not that bad
Can 'o man... the mixer stand
An' the crawfish, glory come

Lookin' wrong - he slings the saws
The word he knows: Dijimjihungs (???)

Oh how it feels surreal
We're right here - but no one kneels
Butt-h***in' you, and you can feel me
Then I say softly ... slowly

Pull me closer, Tony Danza!
Count the head lice on the hiney!
Baby darling he's so blended
You had a visitor today

Pull me closer, tie me down, sir!
Countless head lice on the hiney
Lay me down in cheese and lemon
You have to feel the urge today

~~ ~~

Blue jean bathin' - LA laden
Seems dressed for the band
Gritty eye - pirate's mine
You'll marry amusing man
Jalapena - you missed a seed, ugh
Danza's innocent...
And now he's in deep - always wiggly
Tony Danza ... in my head

Oh how it feels serene
We're right here - but no one kneels
Butt-h***in' you, and you can fear me
Then I say softly ... slowly

Pull me close and tie me down sir!
Count the head lice on the "owie"
Baby darlin he's so tender
You has a visitor today.

Hold me closer, Tony Danza!
Count the dead guys on the bi-plane!
Lay me down in grease and Splenda!
You'll have the S&M today!
copyright 2007+ Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher Wow, that turned out pretty warped...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 3
 
 2   0
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 3   0
 2
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 4   4
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 5   16
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
I see what you were talking about, how the lyrics although all nonsense came out to have a homosexual theme. It was very interesting is Tona Danza's lover named KEN, because that's my security code.
John Barry - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
This had me dancing out of my chair, LOL.
Rex - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Very nice. The things people hear...
Jason - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
A bunch of mondegreens if I ever saw one. Your mind must have been working overtime 'filling in the blanks!' 555
Jack Wilson - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
That was awesome. I parodied Tiny Dancer as Hula Dancer in 04, I had this idea too, but this was a gazillion times better
alvin - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
inspired lunacy
Below Average Dave - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Well, as I replied last night I do know this song--I don't think I would have ever guessed this as your parody topic though. . .you are moving up the ladder in style
Pappa Smurf - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Sorry guy but I couldn't follow this song it didn't make any sense to me.
AFW - September 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Far out funny
Red Ant - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Matthias, John, Rex, Jason, Jack, alvin, Dave, Smurf and AFW.

Matthias: Yes, this song *almost* makes sense. =)

Jason: I heard TOS over the radio at Golden Corral a few days before I wrote this: given the distance of the speakers and ambient noise, it wasn't hard to write this.

Jack: There is another "Tony Danza" parody here, but has all of four words changed from the original.

Dave: Misheard lyrics parodies are a favorite and specialty of mine. Not quite a move up the ladder for me, but thanks all the same!

Pappa Smurf: Uh, the pacing is perfect. The lyrics aren't supposed to make any sense - they are just a collection of misheard lines.
Below Average Dave - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh silly Jack . .. I know that. . .a step up the 'parody count' ladder---Jim A isn't far away!
stuart mcarthur - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
great OS - but not quite as good for this purpose as the "Allah Paula Cheese" one was though, imo - my favourite line was the one that made sense - "Count the dead guys on the bi-plane" - lol, that was hilarious, jack - that could be stretched into a whole parody - hmm, that might inspire me to try to finish my "Ate The Two Co-pilots" to Elton's "Take Me To The Pilot" - 555
Red Ant - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Dave and Stu. Dave, I see now, and yes, I've got my sights on the long retired Jim A. Stu: true, All Apologies was almost all in the archives, whereas this needed some help on my end. Come on though, you mean to tell me you've never wanted to be lain in grease and Splenda? =)
TJC - September 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Very creative... Free hives! (er, um... three fives!)
stuart mcarthur - September 09, 2007 - Report this comment
lol, well yeah, okay, but only if you guarantee the quality of the S&M (and Angelina would have to be involved in at least a minor role)
Adagio - September 09, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL ! A misheard that made sense to me. What was especially funny was "Count the head lice on the hiney!".
Red Ant - September 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks TJC, Stu (I still have AJ clones, though the S/M one is sold out at the moment...) and Pat.
Anny - May 08, 2008 - Report this comment
*Sings as Phoebe from Friends* Hold me close, young Tony Danza... LOL :) jk. Nice parody :D
UnKnownVO - May 08, 2008 - Report this comment
L 'Ant Rouge, you are " the boss" with this crazy write, just like my favorite Roman, Tony Danza ! And Tony would laugh !
Cherry - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Until I looked at the original lyrics I always thought it was "hold me close and tie me down son". Beautiful song but thought that was out of place. Now I know its 'hold me closer tiny dancer'. But I love this version even more.
Meriadoc - October 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Not sure how I missed this one, but glad the comment steered me here. Love the head lice!
Max Power - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
One of the famous misheard lyrics. I remember when he used to star in all those crappy tv movies.
bobpiecheese - March 18, 2013 - Report this comment
(ABC) Hey, stop sign, thank you, turn around, doing doing, horse shoe, turtle, digga-digga-digga-digga-digga! Woah, Jeff Dunham quote, outta nowhere! Anyway...ah, how I've missed your misheard lyrics parodies, Senor Ant. I don't know if you deliberately choose the silliest misheard lyrics or if it's an eenie-meenie-miney-mo thing, but whatever the system it's always fun reading while listening to the OS, swearing that that's the actual words. 555!
Agrimorfee - March 20, 2013 - Report this comment
Good old fashioned mondegreening here from the master.
Matthias - March 20, 2013 - Report this comment
Can't think of this song without remembering your classic "Hiney Hamster"
Abbott Skelding - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese thank you for making me burst out into hysterical laughter with the Peanut quote...I needed that. As for the parody, really well done and really really funny. Good job!
Glen S - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Some epic soundalikes in here. THanks for digging this back up so I got a chance to enjoy it. TMGLTM, I want to quote the whole thing. And great to see you back Red.
Blaydeman - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
(ABC) It's so nonsensical that it works! Throughout the whole thing I was like... "Holy cow that does sound like he said that!" It was a blast to sing along with!

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