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Song Parodies -> "Simon Shaved My Wife Tonight"

Original Song Title:

"Someone Saved My Life Tonight"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Simon Shaved My Wife Tonight"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

So I invite my best mate Simon around for dinner. I spend all day preparing his favourite meal, barbecued stuffed quail and apple pie, and he goes and pulls a stunt like this......TOO RIGHT I'M UPSET!!.....................................................Original Song available here
When I think of those - nice - dark - curls
tightly twirled
covering up her little room "downstairs"

Gee she really loves it when I visit her there
lying like a princess stretched out on her queen-sized bed

But tonight I looked
and I can't go there
any more!
her forest has been ravaged
my friend's out there - boasting how my wife's been shorn

ooh ooh ooh ooooooooh

Simon shaved my wife tonight
(yes he did)
somehow sprayed some foam on her
(dirty pig!)
he prob'ly had her roped and tied
all stretched out - hypnotized
sweet nothings whispered in her ear
thought I KNEW the guy!
he had the hide to shave my wife
now I know
I must go
bye bye

ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooooooooh

should've never - asked - him - home
never thought he'd
zero in and bush-trim my betrothed

I'm haunted by the knowledge that he DID the job...
and now, in this motel room, all alone I sob

It's four o'clock in the morning, dammit!
Simon got me good!
I'm sleeping by myself tonight
that bastard Simon's razor-work is ON my wife

ooh ooh ooh ooooooooh

Simon shaved my wife tonight
(yes he did!)
somehow carved his mark on her
(dirty pig!)
while I was running round outside
chopping wood...stuffing quail...
her lush pudenda copped a clip

I'd baked a pie!
and I'd prepared a lovely spread
but oh no!
so I go
bye bye

ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooooooooh

[BRIDGE]
shoulda got suspicious...when he said "Let's play Strip Poker"
especially when she bared her vulva...and he asked if he could stroke it
should've asked why Simon had that twin-blade down his pants
Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon changed my life tonight

he drank my wine...ate my meal...didn't care...

Simon shaved my wife tonight
(yes he did!)
took a fresh Gillette to her
(dirty pig!)
he prob'ly stroked her like a pup
washed her down - soaped her up
then carved a heartshape in her pubes
thought I knew the guy!
that knave arrived 'n shaved my wife
pretty low!
so I go
bye bye

Simon shaved Simon shaved Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved Simon shaved Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved Simon shaved Simon shaved my wife tonight
Simon shaved Simon shaved Simon shaved my wife tonight
(fade)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 35

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   2
 2
 3
 
 4   8
 4
 6
 
 5   24
 27
 25
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
This is hair-larious....razor sharp humor...five Bics
PMS - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
"carved a heartshape in her pubes"! LOL
Stephen aka Step-chan - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
555, funny, alittle nasty too. How did you get this much room for your parody(I had to scroll abit to the right to read it)? Whenever I submit anything with a long intro comment, it gets condensed down to a paragraph size.
alvin rhodes - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
now THERE'S an original concept...beautifully done, too...5s
Ravyn Rant - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
OMG, Stuart, this is hysterical! Fives...
Michael Pacholek - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Paul Simon? Simon Cowell? If he tried that with my wife (if I had a wife), he'd be exposed as a Simpleton Simon!
stuart mcarthur - November 04, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks AFW and PMS and Step-chan and alvin and Ravyn

thanks MP - no it's that Simon from the "Simon Says" game ;-)
btw my wife thought this one was funny
Red Ant - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
He shaved her with a razor and, foamy cream
He left her with a Heart-Shaved Box, poor me

Gives new meaning to 'eat your heart out'!. 5s and it'll grow back. ;-)
stuart mcarthur - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL Red Ant, and thanks, and yeah I guess so....
Rick C - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Stu-pendous pudendas tale! Another Great one, Stu! Loved it. 555
stuart mcarthur - November 05, 2005 - Report this comment
that is brilliant Rick - I'm gonna have to work "Stu-pendous pudendas" into a parody now - and I fear I've blown it coz it should've been in this one. D'Oh! - oh, and thanks for the 5s :-)
Peter Andersson - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
This parody Shaved inches of what's allowed themewise, or maybe one should rather say that it added inches, from previous comments I'm guessing it did to some of the readers. :-)
Peter Andersson - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Duh... this parody Shaved inches of what's NOT allowed themewise...
stuart mcarthur - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Peter - I think that's a good thing (hmm...)
Peregrin - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Hair hair! I'm rooting for this one, Stu :)
stuart mcarthur - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks Pippin - haven't heard from you in a while!
Johnny D - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
So your climbing expedition to the summit of The Great Mons Veneris inspired you to write this parody, eh? Watch out --- looks like you're stuck above timberline now! 5s!
Kristof Robertson - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Man, that's harsh...I guess Simon wasn't so simple after all. Dang...;-) 555
Meriadoc - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
See what happenes when you are too busy putting the prawns on the barbie...hilarious job Stu!
stuart mcarthur - November 07, 2005 - Report this comment
I have BEEN to the mountain-top, Johnny D, and I have a dream that one day it will not be judged by the nature of the thinning, but on the quality of it's regrowth

thanks Kristof - he's almost certainly not getting a Xmas card from me this year - and yeah, simple my foot!

LOL, Merry - and how did you know my wife's name is Barbie?
Adagio - February 21, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Good parody Stu 5's
Yoidy - February 25, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm foaming at the mouth with laughter! 555
Johnny D - March 05, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above, 'cuzz de fuzz dat wuzz be-low wuzz buzzed!
Agrimorfee - March 06, 2007 - Report this comment
(abc3)"Now I shall prepare to my lair and use Nair, do you care?"--George Carlin. Looking at this with a critical eye (and ear), there was a bit of pacing hiccups, and the use of some of the OS's lines was just a tad too much. But this is surely one of the funniest Elton John parodies I've read.
Jason - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC-S) Pretty good, though im a bit sensitive to this topic.
tomario - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
i loved this i think i've wee'd myself you've gotta put this forward to chucky g's book 555
Bellow Average Dave - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Good parody, lots of metaphoric phrases in there. Elton John is a talented singer, and to be able to keep with his pacing is to be commended. I will say I've read many parodies by you that made me laugh more than this one, but it's a good parody.
bobpiecheese - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3-S) How in the hell did this get past the censors (by which I mean ChuckyG)? It's still awesome, though.
Michael McVey - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, you mean THAT kind of shaving....and here I'd thought you were writing about a bad hairdresser :E---MM
Rick C - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) "bush-trim my betrothed" LOL! What a way with words you have, Stu!
Red Ant - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
See above! I still like this a lot (how can I not like something which inspired a parody of my own? =))
Matthias - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Your wife's Cowell-toe, that's harsh man, I feel for you, but I won't feel for yoy
Jeff Reuben - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
A clear winner on WhatFreaks, it was a cut above the rest =)
Jack Wilson - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Heart Shaved Box? Nirvana parody perhaps? Anyways, aweosme job, 5s here.
Mikey Squirrel - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Hey, does this mean I can put some of my more raunchier parodies on here? Ah, gotta love a good pube-shaving spoof. Good job, Stu!
nitram - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
good lyrics, had me laughing.

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