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Song Parodies -> "Goodbye Normal Jeans"

Original Song Title:

"Candle in the Wind"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Goodbye Normal Jeans"

Parody Written by:

Rex Ungericht

The Lyrics

This is based on the original version of the song from the "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" album.
Goodbye normal jeans,
When I tried to find you today
You're not among the merchandise
Here on the store display

There's blue jeans from Armani,
Calvin Klein and Jean Gautier
With logos on the pockets
To add to their cachet

And it seems to me a workman's pants
Shouldn't be designer made –
With all style and no substance
They're just gonna fade
And they need to be cotton denim
Not organdy or suede
My jeans should help protect my legs,
Not help me to get laid

Blue jeans should be tough
The toughest trousers ever made
Levi Strauss created a superpant
And this is how he's repaid

Gold and green and beige
And chartreuse and ecru
I say colors are just fine
Just as long as the color choice is blue

And it seems to me an honest jean
Shouldn't flare out like a bell
Shouldn't fasten up with velcro
This is blue jean hell
And I can't find a single rivet
On any of these pairs
I bet it won't take much before
They're full of rips and tears

Goodbye normal jeans
Though I always wore you before
I guess you're out of fashion now
Just like the Iraq war

Goodbye normal jeans
From the old man who has worn you all his life
Who's looking for something not so sexual
Something not more suited for his wife

And it seems to me, my denim pants
Shouldn't need a diamond cut
I don't care if they are stonewashed
Or show off my butt
And this moment I realized something
I should have seen before
I'm looking at the trousers in
A women's clothing store

(I think I'll slip on out of here
And shop the Sears next door)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   3
 2
 2
 
 5   20
 21
 21
 

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Hallelujah, Brother Rex! My particular most-hated are those jeans that look like a bird's crapped over them, or the pre-dirtied "Tramp Style"...urggghhh! 555
Sweet Indigo - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
You had me from the first line... great idea and great parody to follow it up. I had a little trouble with the pacing but suspect that's just because I can only remember the '97 version.
Chuck A. Spear - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Ain't THAT the truth! ...notto mention "relaxed fit" and "baggies". This was just great! DKTOS, but I'm sure it's right on! Now I'm gonna go put the pre-washed jeans at the store in with the pre-dirtied...and let them fight it out!
Dee Range - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Great twist at the end. 555
PMS - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
You just bought yourself a pair of Levis 555 jeans,
Rex - August 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you all. If this designer trend keeps up, we're all going to need jean therapy.
Michael Pacholek - August 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Better than "Goodbye Enormous Jeans." Anybody remember the SNL commercial parody "Levis Three-Legged Jeans"? "A leg and a leg and a leg!" I kept hoping it wouldn't actually strike somebody as a good idea. So far, it hasn't.
Arwen - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...this totally made me laugh...but I was under the impression that ANYTHING that would help you get laid would be considered a good thing...; )
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
You got humor in your jeans...um...GENES! Excellent! 555
Adagio - September 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but I didn't need the OS to see how funny it was!
Kim West - September 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny from first verse to last. I always enjoy a good song parody, and you always manage to deliver.
EmiLoca - September 09, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - I haven't read too much of your stuff. Big mistake. This is excellent!
Larry Hensley - September 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This was hilarious, it had me laughing.
Dominic L. - September 10, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM-Whoa, I just was thinking about this the other week when buying jeans... 5s
John Jenkins - September 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Your line about colors is humorously reminiscent of Henry Ford (buyers can have any color car they want, as long as it's black). Very clever ending.
Rex - September 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Many thanks!
Peter Andersson - September 13, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - One for the AmIright Jean(s) Pool.
Red Ant - September 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I had a tough time singing this along with TOS but it is funny. Good job changing up the choruses and great ending.
Claude Prez - September 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Great title, well done. I too liked the twist at the end.
Phil Alexander - September 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Knockout punchline, Rex.
Johnny D - September 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Funny when you imagine Sir Elton John shopping with his entourage!
Spaff.com - September 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Love it. Even though you turn this thing around at the end, I still miss them good ol' days of buying unshrunk 501's and having to wash 'em a million times to get 'em just right. But once you did, they were PERFECT. I even wrote a sonnet about 501's once. I'm serious. I'll see if I can dig it up.

Oh, I almost forgot - this is about you, not me. OK. Love it. Many great lines, especially in the choruses. All of them. And the title is classic.
Adam Eccleshall - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent song :-)
Tim Mayfield - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Brilliant call. I must say jeans are getting the once over these days. 5's
Rick C - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very well written. Some really good lines in here...555
Dee Range - October 02, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM> See above. Still great!
Kristof Robertson - October 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Tight parody...you've got a FLARE for this. (*groan*) 555
KarK Arinus - October 17, 2007 - Report this comment
An excellent parody, and I TOTALLY agree with every line! You just can't find normal jeans anymore! I found this quite by accident, and it tempted me to post my own "Bundle Near the Bin" which shares its first line with this.
Claude Prez - July 20, 2014 - Report this comment
I'm ashamed to say I'd completely forgotten about today's classic; it's outstanding.

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