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Song Parodies -> "Can't Find Me a Guy"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Find Me a Guy"

Parody Written by:

Arwen

The Lyrics

I've written a lot of parodies about my bad luck in love. This might be the last one.
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How think-ing of love would make me smile
Oh I dreamed of cons-tant romance
And occ-asion-al Latin dance
That was until I'd Salsa'd with Big Lyle

The thought of love once made me quiver
But all the lines I've been delivered
Make my poor heart wonder
If true love's gone asunder

It used to fill me up with pride
Always a bridesmaid but not a bride,
Now something's got me deep inside
Why can't I find a guy?

Oh, why, why can't I find me a guy?
Someone simple without pimples
Or a sty in his eye
Just a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

Oh, where in 'The Book of Love'
Does it say that sequined boxing gloves
Are the key to good foreplay
And I read 'The Rules' in my 'Cosmo'
I guess their 'experts' didn't know
That 'Come Here, Babe' is all some guys will say

Well, I thought I was in love with Jim
'Til I stopped by his place on a whim
My mind began to whirl
When I saw him dressed like a girl

And I had only been out once with Chuck
When he rammed my Geo with his pickup truck
'Cause I'd told him that his driving sucked
No, I can't find a guy

And so I'm singin',
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
Never lazy, neither crazy
And with humor that's wry
Just a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

For thir-ty years I've been on my own
Though, on bad first dates I hold my own
Yeah, I've got stor-ies a-plenty
When Joseph asked me to a formal Ball
Well, I didn't want to go at all
I said 'yes,' though why I can't recall

Oh, I fell from the car in my gown
Next to my date, preferred the ground
My leg was all road burned
Jo-seph was unconcerned

Though he left me lying in the dark
He wondered why there were no sparks
So I hobbled home through the park
'Cause I can't find a guy

I was singin'
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
Wouldn't matter if he's fat or
If he's puny in size
Just a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

Easy-peasy? No it makes me queasy
Can't find anyone who isn't sleazy
Eddie had a shady past
Had knuckles foul, made of brass
He'd terrorize all the working class
With his many mob connections unsurpassed

Well I saw him next in a court room
And I testified, secured my doom
His finger crossed his throat
On my doorstep, head of a goat

So the Bureau changed my name to Flo
Cert-i-fied me in Tae Kwon Do
And moved my ass to Idaho
And said, "Go find a guy"

I started singin'
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
Space invader or Stock trader
I'd still deem him a prize
Just a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

Oh, when Jack said that he loved my face
My pulse sped up from normal pace
But could I trust a man again?
I tell ya, Jack was nimble, Jack was quick
Jack flashed my mother--What a Prick!
That liar said he'd like to be her friend

Oh, and as I banned him to the street
My heart broke from one more defeat
But oh, you couldn't tell
Most think I take it well

And as the si-rens screamed into the night
I sort of giggled at the sight
I saw Jack cuffed up to my delight
Though I've still got no guy

I was singin'
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
In days recent no one decent
Ever catches my eye
Want a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

I met a boy who played the blues
And I wondered what I had to lose
I let him steal my heart away
He worked down at the record store
Where I caught him feeling up some whore
Broke his fingers; now his music he can't play

No more blind dates, they always tank
Yeah, ever since I went out with Frank
He read braille, which intrigued me
Until he tried to "read" me

And the three men I desire most
Orlando, Vin, and the guy from 'Ghost'
They keep their pepper spray real close
For times when I walk by

So I'm left singin'
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
Someone funny for a honey
And he can't be too shy
Just a good old boy who'll always let pouting fly
Sayin', 'That's m'girl' it might make me cry
'That's m'girl' for him I would die

'Til then, I'm singin'
Why, why can't I find me a guy?
I'm still lookin' dates I'm bookin'
I might give you a try
'F you're a good ol' boy, and if you smile at me right
I might fin'lly say 'I've found me a guy'

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 64

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 1
 
 2   1
 2
 1
 
 3   3
 3
 4
 
 4   6
 4
 3
 
 5   52
 53
 55
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Most clever mix of rhymes and funny times...You've served a delicious and amusing slice of an altered, and very much improved, "American Pie" Brilliant work.......and this may hold the record for longest parody ever submitted..,runaway fives
Jeff Reuben - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Awesome. Loved the choruses, especially "Wouldn't matter if he's fat or If he's puny in size." One of your best, I sang along at work (until I got strange looks and had to explain why I couldn't find me a guy). SOTM stuff.
Ravyn Rant - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Too many ROFL moments to pick out a best line. I'm forwarding the link to all my girlfriends, who should relate to this as well as I did! 555
Michael Pacholek - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
The Elf Princess has her crowning achievement... unless, of course, she actually finds The Guy. Not that I should talk. (Or should that be "Not that I should type"?)
Rex - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
YAAAP. The only thing more difficult than writing a great parody is writing a great LONG parody. I stand in awe.
John Barry - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Tremendous narrative, cresecondoes, denouements, and humor! 5-5-5
alvin rhodes - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
anybody who can fill up a song of this size with romantic woes has suffered indeed...5s
PMS - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
My, my you're deserving of fives. Best parody to this song done and that ain't no jive. To your lofty standards I can but only strive. I hope some day to arrive, I hope someday to arrive!
Matthias - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I love your take on "Blind Dates".... you know... Space Invaders, Fat, and Puny in Size... sounds like the criteria to start Dancing with a Dork...
Rick C - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Arwen, I mean it when I say, this is FAB-ulous! (not sure where I've heard that before??) Brilliantly written with some excellent lines. Especially liked the blues guy stanza, as well as the Frank stanza. SOTM material. 555
Michael Pacholek - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Rick: I assure you, Frank Stanza is NOT The Guy... wait, that's Costanza... he's not The Guy, either.
Stuart McArthur - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
crikey, that is a huge and excellent and hilarious effort, Flo - TMGLTM and the ones I was saving were the Jack stanza, the "matter if he's fat or" delight, and the "Orlando, Vin and guy from "Ghost"" equal delight - even if you haven't found your guy, Flo, you may have found your SOTM medallist - big555
Arwen - March 02, 2006 - Report this comment
AFW...thanks very much...I appreciate it. As for the record for length...I think it might be tied with the other 764 (give or take) American Pie parodies on the site...; )

Jeff...LOL! You know, I would REALLY like to just sit and watch you at work someday. (especially if it's on a day when you're giving a presentation!!) Although, that might draw some weird looks as well...; ) Thanks!

Ravyn...ahhh...you do that, sister...we can all be a part of the "No I have the worst dating stories in recorded history" club! =) Thanks!

Mister Pacholek...so basically, this is my crowning achievement, then. I mean, it's not like I'm moving to Jersey anytime soon...; )

Rex...you know I love that acronym...thanks. And the only thing better than a flattering comment is a flattering comment ending with the commenter standing in awe. I love it when that happens. =)

John...thank you very much!

alvin...nobody knows the troubles I've seen...nobody knows my sorrow. But I'm make sure that the AmiRight crowd is going to read about every last one of them if it's the last thing I do...; ) Thanks!

PMS...you know, I would have loved your comment based only upon the use of the phrase "ain't no jive," but throwing down a little mini-verse was frosting on the cake. Thanks a ton!

Matthias...hooray! I'm glad you liked said verse, Matthias...Thanks!! And trust me...you've got a spot on my dance card anytime!

Rick...=) FABulous comment, sir...you must have been hanging out with someone wonderful to come up with something like that!

Michael...(again)...you're right...he's not the guy. At all. And neither is he. Good job. ; )

Stuart...you know, I was waiting for someone to address me by "Flo" in their comment...and honestly...I'm not surprised that it was you. Don't ask me why. I had two people in mind, actually...and the other one hasn't even shown up...so...you're the winner! Way to go. And, I'm glad you mentioned the three men I desire most...because I would like to stress that the "Ghost"/Patrick Swayze reference was TOTALLY for parodisical (my own word, accept it) purposes. You all have to honestly believe that the third man I desire most is Patrick Swayze in "Road House." There's a difference, dammit. Oh, and big thanks!
Phil Alexander - March 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Awesome, Arwen. I thought the "Jack be nimble" sub was hilarious... but hold on a sec: for *thirty* years? Did you start dating at minus-something, then?
Arwen - March 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh Phil...you flatterer, you.

I actually turned 30 in January...(feeling old)...but it really isn't like I started dating at birth. No...my first love came along when I was about 3. I'm still not over him...; )
Amanda Hug'nkiss - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Maybe your standards are too high!
Arwen - March 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh I don't know about that. Just because I'm holding the biggest torch EVER for Mr. Diesel...doesn't mean I'm not realistic. I'd settle for Mr. Bloom.
Larry Hensley - March 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Amazing, excellent parody. Very well written, 5's
Arwen - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, Larry!
Olaf! - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent punning and funnyness! The flashing Mommie/ what a prick line is brilliantful! No Wit-less Protection is needed for the happy elf! But you are dateing so many men, you seem to put the ho in Idaho! Just kidding! Very happy!
Arwen - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh Olaf...I think the only reason that I've been so unlucky in love is that I'm actually holding out for you and your delicious broken English. =)

I'm glad that you liked the Prick line...=)...and you can bet your ass I put the Ho in Idaho...it's what makes my life worthwhile!
Spaff.com AKA Big Lyle - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
TMGLTM. I see a medal in your future, if not a fulfilling relationship. Give us some credit, though - we all know the second sentence in your intro is a lie.

So by "the guy from Ghost" you mean Rick Moranis, right? (Or is that Ghostbusters?)

Always nice when Olaf stops by too. Forget Idaho - Arwen makes "Wyoming" a verb.
Arwen - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Spaff...=) I'll choose to ignore your first sentence; I'm not putting my money on either of those prospects...the risk is far too high for heartbreak (and/or loss of funds) in either case.

As for the untruth of my second sentence...I'd like to celebrate the power of the word "might." Of course, you know me too well. Like an idiot, I still date. And as long as I'm dating, there will be bad dates. And, as long as there are bad dates, there will be parodies about them. All of this, of course, because Mr. Moranis is NEVER going to come around. Bastard.

Finally...you can tell me to forget Idaho all you want...(I know my therapist has)...but we both know that the "Fish Haven Fiasco" will forever haunt my dreams...
Serafina - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
I love it! =) =) I missed this one (and a couple others) mostly because I've been extremely busy lately; also I was out sick last week with a cold (seems like it's going around). I'm feeling just fine now. Anyway, here's a perfect 5-5-5 vote for such a marvelous parody. :)

By the way, I happened to read your little bio on your parody author page (very interesting)... and I read some of the other comments on this comment thread before making a comment of my own. I guess I'm about half a year older than you, since I turned 30 last July...and still haven't found ME a guy yet [to this day]!! Guess we have a few things in common. I've gone out with some guys off and on over the years, though.

Gotta run...have a nice day! =) =)
Arwen - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Serafina...Thanks. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better. I had been wondering what became of you.

I am also interested to hear that you've dated some guys over the years...and have remained single. It boggles my mind that some fella hasn't swept you off of your feet yet. I'm sure it's coming soon. Best of luck with that...and remember, if he sweeps you off your feet and then drops you...it's best to get the lawsuit filed as quickly as possible.
Serafina - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Yeah, I'm still here! I haven't left you guys. With my busy schedules I don't often find as much time to be around here as I used to. And about the cold bug, a few of my co-workers had it before it got passed on to me...and I hope I didn't give it to anybody else!

I'm sure some fellow will be the right one for me eventually. A few times I thought it was going to happen, but I guess I wasn't his type or something. Someday it will. ;)
Ashkicksass - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Ok, so I know that I say that pretty much all of your parodies are my favorites (because they are) but this one may just be it. I freaking ADORE it! SOOOOOO brilliant, funny, fabulous, so many great lines, so true when it comes to dating, so witty and did I mention funny? WAHOO!!!!
Arwen - March 15, 2006 - Report this comment
Ash...thank you VERY much...=) You know that a FABulous comment from you is enough to make my day anytime!!
2nz - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
You know, I was actually kinda excited about my return entry until I read this ;cp

TMGLTM, which also stands for 'Too Many Great-big Losers To Mention' I gather. This is probably my favorite song of yours now. I could say how funny this is, or how many great ties to the original you have, or how spot-on the rhyme scheme is, or just congratulate you on scaling 'Everest', but I won't. I'll just wait for SOTM to wrap up and prepare a 'congratulations' line then.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - Too quote Helen Rowlands: "The hardest task in a woman's life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious."
Chris Bodily TM - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm surprised you had the stamina to write such a long parody, and I'm surprised I had the stamina to read the whole thing in one sitting -- without synching it to a recording or MIDI, like I usually do. The pacing needs a little bit of work in the first verse, but other than that, it's hilarious! I loved the line about Jack flashed your mother -- that's quite unexpected! 455
Cat - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent! This, along with the Major-Gold Digger's Song (which I thought you would enter in this contest) is proof positive that you CAN do hard songs, Arwen, and they're very good! But one last thing...is it true that it was our very own Red Ant who flashed your mother?!?
Rex - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) My comments above still apply. So after tackling Major General and American Pie, what's next? Hey Jude?
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Now I like the Jack stanza best! Oh, I know he's not the guy either. A pleasure to revisit this one.
Agrimorfee - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That was FAN-''fing-TASTIC! I hope you can find a guy--but you might find an SOTM Gold award sooner.
Adagio - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM)
Scathe - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This is seriously good work. This part especially was hilarious: "And the three men I desire most Orlando, Vin, and the guy from 'Ghost' They keep their pepper spray real close For times when I walk by"
bobpiecheese - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Anyone who can be bothered to parody this monster gets pints from me. Let's see who's on the list so far...Spaff, Luke Brattoni, you, some guy I can't remember, me...hang on. How can I give points to myself? I guess I just gave my April SOTM entry away...oh, well.
Max Power - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-Contender
2nz AKA Eddie - April 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Starts out strong and carrys that weight all the way through. In the second read, "name to Flo/Tae Kwon Do/Idaho" stood out for me. Still my favorite.
Jeff Reuben - April 28, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM: Still absolutely brilliant...you made a good choice this month =)
Stuart McArthur - April 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) see above, and I see I actually UNDERstated it by saying you've found your SOTM medallist, going by the scoring so far - proving points to people can be such an inspiration (speaking as one of the ones being out-pointed ;-) ) - and I'm still guessing as to the other potential Flo-referrer - does she have a crush on you????? j/k (but I think I know)
Red Ant - April 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) To answer Cat's question first: No.

Now then, how did I miss this? Very impressive indeed, and you varied all 7 choruses, which I estimate doubles the difficulty of parodying this song. TMGLTMSIOMO - "He read braille, which intrigued me/Until he tried to "read" me" - LOL!
Confission - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) reading about your bad luck kinda makes my no luck not seem so bad. maybe my mind's stuck in another parody, but i think you and tyrone would go well together
Arwen - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
2nz...well, I'M excited about your return, either way. And thanks!

K1...THAT, my friend, is a FABulous quote. I might have to put it on a t-shirt. Seriously. Thanks!

Chris Bodily TM...thanks very much...I'm glad you stuck with me to the end!

Cat...Hmmm...I don't know that I ever really doubted that I COULD do the songs...I just didn't ever bother. Most of the parodies I write kind of write themselves...usually while I'm driving or something...and wander around in my head until I can sit down to finish them. I don't know a LOT of people who just get half of a 12 minute song written in their heads without any effort. But thanks!

Rex...Thanks again. What's next? I think I might try to tackle "My Name is Luka." I've actually done 'Hey Jude.' It's a nasty rant about my disapproval of many things in the 3rd Harry Potter movie...=)

Rick C...thanks very much!!

Agrimorfee...what a prediction! Are you a psychic? I might need to call you for some stock tips later...; )

Adagio...thanks for stopping by!

Scathe...Thanks! That's one of my favorite parts, too!! =)

bobpiecheese...=) Thank you very much!

Max...thanks!

2nz AKA EDDIE???...the most intriguing thing about this comment, Mister, is that you chose to present yourself as the fella who wants to kill me. ; ) Thanks...

Jeff...thanks very much, Mr. Reuben. I appreciate your advice before entering...=)

Stuart...Yes yes yes...you were right...congratulations! Sheesh...; ) And, as for your Flo-referrer guess...that's is ridiculous. EVEYRBODY has a crush on me. You might as well have guessed "Does he/she breath?" Please...; )

Red Ant...another one of my favorite bits...I'm glad you liked it! Thank you VERY much!

Confission...well, that's good to hear. I really think that, if nothing else, I'd like my crappy experiences to enrich the lives of others...=) Thanks! (and LOL about Tyrone!!)
wannabemustangjockey - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Another song that pretty much always makes my top 5 just for existing. This is a very hard (or at least tedious) OS to parody. Pacing's a teensy bit off in places but overall it's very good!
Johnny D - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow. 555. VERY good job!!!
2nz - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Well Spaff already took the best one, 'cause he's a bum like that, and 'BIGGER LYLE' just sounded too corny. -SMLY FACE-

And I'm still amazed you never fail to drop everybody a return comment. I'm sure myself and the other lurkers appreciate it.
Larry Hensley - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Arwen - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
wannabemustangjockey...thanks a bunch!

Johnny...Wow to you! Thanks!

2nz...well for heaven's sake...I would feel guilty if I didn't thank everyone personally...=)

Larry...(looking, looking, looking...oh THERE it is...) Thank you VERY much...again! =)
Luke Brattoni - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Smackdown hilarious, Arwen. Loved the 'Orlando, Vin and guy from Ghost' line the best, but the whole thing was a brilliant read right through. 555 notches on your bedhead... I mean, address book.
Arwen - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks a bunch, Luke!
kozar - May 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Hello again! Since I didn't get to see this when it was new, I thought I'd drop by and read through it and vote 5-5-5. :) I think it's a good one. Best of luck in finding the right man!
Arwen - May 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, kozar!! =)
The Thought Police - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow and double wow! I'm a bit late to the party but I see that the award for "Best in Showmanship" went to a true winner! Congrats Arwen! 555's all the way!
Arwen - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
TTP! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!! Hooray! And thank you!!
Ferragamo - June 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Just now checking this one out... I can sorta relate to this, given that I, too, have remained single...except I'm a guy who's 27. But that's okay with me, at least for now! Anyway I liked this very much. 5-5-5 for you. :)
JamesQuah (Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia) - June 18, 2006 - Report this comment
;-) Arwen, I almost forgotten the original lyrics after singing in this parody version ... Keep it up & a "big" hugging encore 2 U ... Email: jamesquah2000 @ yahoo . com ... Mobile: +6 019 334 6811
Arwen - June 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Mr. Farragamo...maybe you and I should talk a little bit more...considering our similar problem...; ) Oh...and for the record, I love the shoes. ; ) Thanks!

JamesQuah...thank you very much.
Paul Robinson - June 19, 2006 - Report this comment
So, Arwen...it's been 3 1/2 months + since you wrote this...WAS this parody your last lamentation of Unrequited Love, feckless fools, lazy louts, obnoxious and/or Oedipal oafs, dreary dorks, narcissistic nerds, insensitive imbeciles, miserable miscreants, criminally-oriented cads, aggravating assh*les, and boorish bums? Well, if is was you certainly saved the best for last, because this is really great work. Hey, maybe all these guys are intimidated by how clever & funny you are...and afraid they'll end up as just a another downed pilot shot down in flames upon these parody pages. Who knows what you might catch if you...uh...dumbed it all down a little bit..."5's", though, until you do...
Ferragamo - June 22, 2006 - Report this comment
For the record, I do not own any shoes of this name; I just picked the name because I liked the sound of it...also, I am fond of the shoes myself! By the way, not to get technical or anything...but you spelt my "name" wrong. About our little 'problem'...yeah, maybe we should talk a bit more about it. Have you written any additional parodies about this subject? Maybe I can comment on those. Never mind, I'll just look at your parody index and see if I can find one there.
Arwen - June 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Paul...I went and checked...and I haven't written any more BAD date parodies...though my obsession with relationships continues. =) As for dumbing it down...I'm pretty well versed in the practice...how do you think I end up with so many dolts in the first place? My standards are only super high when I haven't got anyone...as soon as a freaking moron with cute dimples winks at me, I forget it all...

As for you, Mr. Shoe...I could not be more embarrassed about the typo on your name...how humiliating. I honestly worship the damned things...I should be able to spell their name, huh? Sorry!!

And, in regard to your question...about whether or not I've written any other parodies about my ridiculous love life...um, I'm going to go with yes...just a few. One time Cat accused me of pigeon holing myself, if that is any indication.
Ferragamo - June 22, 2006 - Report this comment
It's quite all right...by the way, do you happen to own a pair of my namesakes? (If you don't, that's okay too. I'm just curious.)

Okay, I'll check out one of your other parodies about your "ridiculous life", as you put it. Maybe I'll do that when I get home today. I'm kinda busy right now.
Me - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
She didn't answer. Maybe she doesn't have any.

Oh, I like this parody too.
Arwen - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh sorry about that...no, I don't have any. =( I admire them from afar.

Me...thanks!
Ferragamo - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I admire them too...even though I'm male. Heehee. =) I'm probably not the only 27 (almost 28) year-old guy in the world who has a fondness for them.

To the above new commenter: "Me"...that's a rather odd name. My guess is that person was either trying to be cute or he/she couldn't come up with a good name. Although I have seen some comments/submissions from a "Me" elsewhere on the site.
Me - August 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Yes, Mr. Ferragamo...I guess you could say I was unable to come up with a good name. And I have not accounted for all the submissions on this site under the alias "Me"; I assure you of that. Also, you're probably NOT the only 27 or 28 y.o. man who likes...well, you know.
Ferragamo - August 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Well "Me"...I suppose I could live with that. And for the record, I am officially 28...as of yesterday (Friday).
Michelle - September 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Absolutely fantastic - sang it out loud and it was so flawless that I then had to phone my sister and sing it to her on the phone. Who then demanded the url so that she could read it and sing it too! Brilliant stuff! :-)
Me to Ferragamo - October 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, Mr. Ferragamo, did you watch ABC Family last Saturday afternoon? They were showing a tv movie called "Romy and Michelle In The Beginning"; it was a 2005 prequel to "Romy & Michele's HS Reunion". Anyhoo, in one scene, the two gals (played by Katharine Heigl and Alex Breckinridge) discovered two pairs of red ferragamo's in the trash can and got all excited. When a bitchy publicist lady caught the girls wearing them, she became the girls' worst enemy and demanded the shoes back, since she was the original owner. Of course the girls refused, because they were the ones who found the shoes and called 'em 'lucky'; they figured God was telling them to have nice things. The publicist lady manages to steal back one of the pairs. In the final scene, Michelle spots the publicist wearing the one pair, unaware that the publicist had taken them. A few moments later, a waiter inadvertently knocks the publicist in her face, so that she falls backwards and splashes in a pool of shallow water (probably not more than two feet deep). Now that's comedy!!

Sorry if I spoiled the plot for ya; I don't know if you happened to see it or not. Also, I thought you might be interested, since that was a movie in which Ferragamo products were used. I also wonder if Arewen has seen this movie. It's a made-for-TV movie that's shown exclusively on ABC Family.
Me to Ferragamo - October 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh I almost forgot...and I should've said this two months ago...happy belated birthday, Mr. Shoes. ;D I hadn't realized I'd made a comment on your birthday.
Ferragamo, to "Me" - October 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, thank you, Me. (I still feel odd referring to a person as "Me"; that just doesn't sound right.) Yes, it was 54 days ago.

By the way, I read your lengthy comment about the Romy and Michele prequel movie... as a matter of fact, I did happen to see it, but only when it was first shown last year. I also saw it a couple times thereafter, but I didn't watch any TV last weekend. Yes, I do remember both of the scenes which you were talking about. It was a pretty good TV movie overall, but not great. Those gals did a good job...and I think I'm pretty close in age to Katharine Heigl!
Me - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
That's good. Now I think we should end this discussion, and let some more people make actual comments on this parody.
lolo - November 15, 2006 - Report this comment
meh, yeah funny
Spoof-Man - December 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh, where in 'The Book of Love' Does it say that sequined boxing gloves Are the key to good foreplay And I read 'The Rules' in my 'Cosmo' I guess their 'experts' didn't know That 'Come Here, Babe' is all some guys will say is m,y fav.... greatr...this is one of the few I relly laght my ass off at...great job, 66666
huh? - December 05, 2006 - Report this comment
What do you mean, "66666"?
Rick C - March 06, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Even more of a pleasure to revisit again. This has to be one of my favorites of yours, Arwen. :-)
Below Average Dave - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Tears of joy in my eyes on this one Arwen. . ."Well, I thought I was in love with Jim 'Til I stopped by his place on a whim My mind began to whirl When I saw him dressed like a girl" You know, that's classic. How I've never made a large comment on a parody by you before this is beyond me. I can relate to this song though I won't go into great detail. There where many many many classic lines in this parody. Excellent job Arwen, I now see why everyone else has such high praise for you. . .make sure you keep entering contests AND VOTING because after this one, I see why you are called Super Arwen, and it'd be a shame if I don't read more by you.
Matthias - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
"He read braille, which intrigued me. Until he tried to "read" me"... Tears in my eyes, purely brilliant.....
Me - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Where is Arwen's lazy donkey? She seems to be missing in action?
Arwen - March 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh I'm here. And yes, I see that I missed a couple of comments from late last year. I'm sorry. Thanks to lolo, Spoof-Man, and huh.

As for the recent comments...generally, when a parody of mine is entered into a contest, I wait until the end of the voting period to do my thank yous...and then do them all at once. I think a lot of people in the contests do this...and the people who have commented recently know that. I feel confident that they don't feel slighted.

Finally...I have to wonder, "Me," if you patrol everyone's parodies as closely as you do mine...and remind them to say thank you, too. I guess I really don't mind it so much...I know that I overlook things sometimes, and don't want anybody to feel like I don't appreciate their support. I promise that I do appreciate every comment that people leave on my parodies...good or bad.

That being said, however...the "lazy donkey/lazy ass/continually referring to something I said probably 2 years ago" bit is getting kind of old. I'm flattered that you pay that much attention to me and apparently every move I make...(or don't make)...on the site...but honestly, it kind of creeps me out a little bit.
wannabemustangjockey - March 23, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTY - "If at first you don't succeed ... lower your standards." Sage advice? Great parody, even a year later!
Me - March 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Okay! I'm sorry! I won't say anything about your lazy flugen again. And I think I've said enough off topic things already.
Olaf - April 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Just revisting back again after hearing about Song of Year winning. Congratukudos and Maazel Toffs, elf! Flo/Tae KwonDo/Idaho is still brilliantful!
Laurie Alexander - December 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Arwen- This was brilliant in every way, shape and form! We should swap stories some time. You had me laughing, crying and totally feeling your pain. Once again, absolutely brilliant!
Matthias - March 28, 2009 - Report this comment
This one has been around the block a few times, kinda like you in this parody? How many crappy guys is that? I think this one won for SOTY, It's pretty familiar, at any rate this one was really good and although it was a long song it kept my interest and that's always important.
malcolm higgins - March 28, 2009 - Report this comment
awesome as always, you babe you.. you're beating them off with a stick though, arent you??
Arwen - April 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Um...so...some of these are a little overdue...sorry about that. Sometimes I'm lame. But I'm always cute...so it's okay. ; )

wannabemustangjockey...great comment...and many thanks...even TWO YEARS later...(ooops!)...Thank you!

Olaf...I love you. Just hearing (and by hearing, I mean reading) your broken English always makes my day. As it should have back in 2007. Thanks!

Laurie...um...if you even remember who I am...or this parody...I'd be happy to swap stories with you. Give me a call...

Matty...oh phew...at least I'm back to recent comments. I don't feel QUITE as stupid thanking you. Hee hee. I'm glad to have kept your interest through the whole thing. As many times as I've ridden the Jungle Cruise, I never get sick of those lame puns and jokes...and you'd have my rapt attention if I ever made it to WDW instead of Disneyland, which is my usual stomping ground. =)

Malcolm...sometimes the stick doesn't work. Sometimes I have to use the pepper spray. Or the threat of a restraining order. I'm basically just THAT irresistible. True story. =) Thanks!
kevin - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
wow i didnt think the comments would ever end. but then again itd a great songs so you cant say enough
Agrimorfee - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Don't you regret not participating in ABC more often and sooner? :))
Jeff Reuben - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) An absolute classic. This beat me out for SOTM one month, and I believe won Song Of The Year that year? Still one of your best and one of my favorite. Vintage Arwen.
bobpiecheese - April 09, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above...although I meant 'points' not 'pints'. But then anyone who conquers this monster, deserves to celebrate with a round of beers, IMO.
Below Average Dave - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Well this wasn't my first read on this one, but I caught a few things I hadn't before (little rhyme mishabs), but it still reads well. The choruses get kind of eh, after awhile, but still a classic
Red Ant - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Still a classic and still quite an impressive piece of work here, Arwen. Loved the "Chevy/levy" substitutions. See above!
Melanie Lee - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Minus: some rough pacing and syllabic mismatch. Plus: it's HILARIOUS! Nice, clever storytelling, too. 4-5-5.
Abbott Skelding - March 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Had to give this a read from the conversation in your Complicated parody...and I'm glad I did! I'm not a huge fan of the OS, but I didn't even mind it because I loved your lyrics so much! Excellent job! (Also, one of my good friends in high school actually uses the braille line, so bonus points from me!)

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