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Song Parodies -> "Nigerian Spam"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Nigerian Spam"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

"A LONG, LONG TIME AGO...
MY UNCLE WAS A GENERAL
HE MADE HIMSELF A GREAT BIG PILE
AND IT'S HERE TO THIS VERY DAY
THE MONEY THAT HE STASHED AWAY
WELL HIDDEN, AFTER HE WAS PUT ON TRIAL

NOW I MUST GET IT OUT THE COUNTRY
OR ELSE I'M STUCK UP A GUM TREE
THE DETAIL'S HERE AND FOLLERS:
FORTY MILLION DOLLARS

THE MONEY I HAVE TRIED TO HIDE
BUT SOON I MUST GET IT OUTSIDE
AND THEN YOUR MAIL ADDRESS I SPIED
TAKE 10%"
..he lied

'Cause it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get into my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Do you think you'll see a dime
From these repulsive low-life slime?
Why'd you think that they chose you?
Do you believe they they are full
Of shit, or are you gullible
When they say, to be rich this is what you do

Well, I know that it is just a trap
And they're completely full of crap
'Cause you sure ain't unique:
Man, I get a dozen a wee-heeek

"I WORK AT A NIGERIAN BANK"
"I'M IN THE ARMY, A GENERAL'S RANK
FOUND GOLD IN IRAQ, UNDER A TANK"
"YOU COULD BE RICH"
..He lied

You know that it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Now one guy went out on his own
To Africa, he should have known
Hell, just how stupid could he be?
So they kidnapped the greedy scrote
And sent his wife a ransom note
And it made headline news on the TV

Police were all looking round
The kidnappers had gone to ground
But he should not be sorry
He got a free safari
And though his sojourn was unplanned
He thought he'd come back cash in hand
Instead, t'was a ransom demand
He should have known they lied

You know that it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

HIDDEN IN THE NILE DELTA
THERE'S GOLD IN THAT THERE FALLOUT SHELTER
I'LL LET YOU KNOW MY VERY SECRET PLAN
I'M WRITING TO YOU 'CAUSE I MUST
FIND SOMEBODY THAT I CAN TRUST
AN HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY KIND OF MAN

Now, what trustworthy kind of man
Would answer to this blatant scam?
Oh, how I feel like trying
To fool them by replying
But I figure that there ain't no doubt
It would be me that loses out
And I'd be left to scream and shout
Complaining that they lied

I started singing:
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Oh, there's one more thing I cannot place
Why DO they type in uppercase?
There ain't no reason that I can detect
So come on: don't be stupid, don't be thick
Think why should it be *you* they pick
And why's their grammar always incorrect?

And why do they always spell
The numbers out in words as well
Why'd they type it so, then?
M-I-L-I-O-N
And as they plant subversive seed
Appealing to our basest greed
Promising lots of cash that we'd
All like, but know they lied

We were singing,
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

I met a man who thought it true
And argued till his face was blue
I knew he must be turned away.
He thought it was worth a punt
Just ten thousand quid up front
But I convinced him that they'd never pay

If they say money's there for you
If it sounds too good to be true
Trust me, don't believe it
Simplest thing is leave it
And if you think there's cash abroad
A cache stashed in some foreign hoard...
419 Advance Fee Fraud
The way those emails lied

And we're all singing:
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam



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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   27
 27
 27
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Holy cow you are good, Phil...=)
Stuart McArthur - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
wow, fantastic Phil - great idea in the right hands this was - and how true about M-I-L-I-O-N!! - I got stuff today purportedly from Pay Pal telling me to resubmit my card details because there was a problem, and every second word was spelt wrong - so just the simple failure to use spellcheck eliminates 95% (the minimally-educated part) of their target market - what the? - 555
Steve K. - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
This is great. Trouble is, the spam is coming from other countries as well.
john ulvang - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
I HAVE T-H-R-E-E F-I-V-E-S I NEED TO STASH. HERE, TAKE 'EM!
alvin rhodes - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
about time someone tackled this subject...5s
Phil Alexander - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks, guys (and gals ;-) )... as you might guess, this one's been quite a while in the making - can't remember when I got the original idea, but there are *so* many verses it was hard to keep it interesting. A bit like the OS, really.
AFW - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
You almost wrote a book here, Phil...but, it's a good book..very well done..
Johnny D - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Philbo, you have ingeniously scammed three 5s out of me!
John Barry - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Unbelievably clever! 5s. Now how about a version about the fake intelligence that got us into Iraq, called "The Niger Scam"? E.g.: "Yellow cake, they're gonna make/Nukes, that's our take, although it's fake/We'll use it as the basis for our plan. . . ."
martha - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
brilliant Phil!! LOL!!
Red Ant - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Good one Phil. ;-)
Dee Range - August 10, 2005 - Report this comment
High 5's, great job on a true story that is still working, despite being very well publicized every year on the news. Some people are just too gullible to live.
Michael Pacholek - August 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Pat Robertson (major investor in diamonds from African dictatorships) would not approve, but since when do I care about his feelings? Fives are your best friend. And fire is Robertson's only friend.
John Jenkins - September 06, 2005 - Report this comment
I remember getting a similar offer by fax (before internet) about 15 years ago when I was a banker. Since the scam is still around, it must get some takers. Very ambitious and well done, Phil.
Phil Alexander - September 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Back in the days when it was mainly letter and fax, the police reckoned that there was approximately a ½% take-up (i.e. 1 person in 200 would fall for the scam) - I find it hard to believe that there are that many credulous idiots in the world... I should think that the email variant probably has a one-in-a-million sort of hit rate, if that: it's a lot more obviously a scam when you're getting a few such emails a week. But there are still quite a few greedy, gullible gentlemen out there, thinking that this is their version of winning the lottery.
karen - September 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Good one Philbo
Jeff Reuben - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM: Absolutely brilliant. Loved the first stanza and the rest just flowed from that.
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It was inevitable that all of these American Pie parodies would lead to parodies that don't rhyme at all with the original. And that's a good thing, indeed. 555
Larry Hensley - September 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Funny one.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It's shmucks like you who ensure that I get to reap in all the dough from assisting Nigerians in need! Nah, awesome job as always, witty throughout.
EmiLoca - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) And I thought this was going to be about how mass African genocide has ultimately resulted in Hormel's endorsement of cannibalism...or maybe I just misread the Sunday paper...excellent work!
Red Ant - September 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I didn't have much time to comment before. This is awesome and though I would have liked to have seen the choruses varied that would have been difficult given your rhyme scheme. Too many good bits to pick out here.
Adagio - September 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Thanks for tackling this in such a talented manner. I read those dumb things and wonder who answers? They're just so ridiculous.
Peter Andersson - September 23, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - I'm a bit curious to why Nigera has become so specifically associated with this sort of thing. Unstable country, sure, but compared to let say Bolivia that have had over 100 presidents and about the same number of cuops in the last 100 years it's about as solid as the European Union... ehh... come to thing about it... never mind, forget I asked... :-)
Phil Alexander - September 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Peter - it's because the majority of these scams originally came from Nigeria: the official name (419 Advanced Fee Fraud) comes from the Nigerian criminal code for this offence. As to why it originated in Nigeria rather than anywhere else - who knows? A fairly large amount of oil money, a certain level of corruption, and some people who were unable to get their hands on the former (and were not in the clique involved in the latter), so decided to see if they could use the knowledge of their country's corruption to their own ends.. if you see what I mean.
Arwen - September 26, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...I was checking out my previous comment...which was uncharacteristically short winded...but I think it's because this just honestly leaves me speechless. It's just FABulous, Phil...=)

And for the record, I will, from this point on, be pronouncing "duped" with two syllables. Because it's so giggle worthy...
Adam Eccleshall - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Great job on a rediculous scam :-)
Johnny D - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Rick C - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Brilliant ! :-) 555
Tim Mayfield - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) SPAM = Start Parodies A-Making Great choice and all that. 5's
Spaff.com - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
You think YOU get the ridiculous solicitations - I keep getting "coupons" for "10% off" "living room sets" and "buy one get one free" "roast beef" "sandwiches." Like I'm stupid enough to believe that crap! Also, every year this supposed government "revenue service" tries to get me to send them, like, 30% of my income WITHOUT EVEN PROMISING ANYTHING IN RETURN. What am I, an idiot? Hell-ooo!

Anyhoo, excellent stuff, Philbo. Many great lines. And country/gum tree is exactly the sort of rhyme I cherish.
Claude Prez - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Ditto on that gum tree comment. And all the other comments pointing out how brilliant this is. Fantastic.
Rex - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Fantastic!
Dee Range - October 02, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM. Still great stuff. See above
Kristof Robertson - October 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Goodness knows why I didn't comment on this the first time I read it...BRAVO, Phillip! Those pesky Nigerians...555
DJ - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
This web sit suks .

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