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Song Parodies -> "Diluvian Pie"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Diluvian Pie"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

This tale stems from a debate thread with a Young Earth Creationist type who believes not just that the earth is but a few thousand years old, but that humans and dinosaurs coexisted before Noah's flood - and you don't find human remains in with the dinosaur fossil record 'cause the dinos died quicker, and all the sedimentary strata were laid down on top of them before humans, primates and the like were killed by the rising waters.

Sad. Very sad.
A long, long time ago...
It's written in the Bible
That the world was covered by a flood
And there are folks who live today
Believe it all occurred that way
And goddidit.. so therefore it was good

But thinking like that is gobsmacking:
Evidence is rather lacking
That humans and rhinos
Shared the world with dinos

What is there to make one decide
That dinsosaurs so quickly died?
And speedily got fossilized
Or else the Bible lied

So when, why did the dinosaurs die?
Were they drownded all arounded
As the water rose high
Even ones who could swim and could fly
Sayin', "it's all true", that must be a lie
If it ain't true - it must be a lie


Do you believe it's history
And do you ignore geology
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe that rock and coal
Were laid down burying dinos whole?
And so you tell me that's the way they go

Well, I know that argument is thin
'cause I've seen that pleiosaurs can swim
You better had explain
How they died off, just the same

(But if I may briefly digress
There might be one left in Loch Ness
That isn't there in Geneses)
I say: the Bible lied

I started thinkin',
When, why did the dinosaurs die
Could it be an-other aeon?
No, that's pie in the sky
And I ain't that kind of gullible guy
I'm thinkin' it's more likely pigs gonna fly
Far more likely pigs gonna fly


Now, for years Noah built his boat
In dry dock, hoping it would float
But that's not how it could have been
'Cause he couldn't make it big enough
For all those animals and stuff
And a mountain of food for them to eat

Oh, and while the rain was coming down,
All other men sat round to drown?
The ark was unmolested
And sailed off uncontested
And with lemmings, llamas, locusts, larks
The smell must have been rather stark
With all the shit that filled the ark
The day the dinos died.

I was thinkin'
When, why did the dinosaurs die
What errata in the strata
As they got fossili-zed
Did they just die 'cause they couldn't get high
I'm thinkin' saying that's the truth is a lie
Isn't that the truth, it's a lie


Flower power in a shocking shower
The water rising by the hour
Eight miles deep, rain falling fast.
The quantity must have been huge
The water in that one deluge
But hey, so what... at least it didn't last

But the water took up quite some room:
A staggeringly large volume
Not being too specific -
Many times the Pacific
There's two more things I'd like to know:
Where'd it come from? Where'd it go?
There sure as hell ain't room below...
I guess the bible lied.

That's what I'm thinkin'
I cry: it's a biblical lie
Here's the nub, it's wholly rubbish
And I'm wondering why
Them good old boys follow their guy in the sky
Yes, even though he said they're all gonna die
This'll be the way that they die


Oh, this "loving" god made mankind pay:
A generation washed away
He washed 'em all away to Hell
And if so: God's a bastard, God's a prat
God is a murderin' maniac
'Cause flooding kills the innocent as well

Oh, but who could really be so dense
Believing with no evidence
But that is not all of it:
There's proof, but it's the opp'site
So argue with me, and there might
Be [a] chance that I'll get impolite:
This global flood is utter shite
Oy vey.. the bible lied

Who's still thinkin'
When, why did the dinosaurs die
I'm telling ya [a] few millennia's
Just the blink of an eye
To prove it false, it does not take genii
I'm sayin' that is something you can't deny
Something nobody can deny


I argued with a Christian who
Seemed positive it was all true
No evidence could he explain
A scary mixture, seems to me:
Ignorance and stupidity
And a sheer unwillingness to use his brain

In Genesis is writ God's word
Although it's wrong.. what's more, absurd
Terminally gory
This genocidal story
To state the deluge was the cause
Extinction of the dinosaurs?
How can he not have seen the flaws?
I say: the bible lied.

He's still not thinkin'
When, why did the dinosaurs die
He should know a man called Noah
Wasn't there at the time
The Ark's a myth (and that is close to a lie)
Not a rainbow, it's just pie in the sky
So say I, it's pie in the sky

I'm still asking:
When, why did the dinosaurs die?
There's no data to say later
Than that meteorite
Bible lit'ralists have got no reply
I say: what the Bible says, it's a lie

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   28
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User Comments

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McKludge - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh geez, this ought to get some folks a tad riled. 555

There is a third option. It's neither truth nor lie: It's bulls**t. A statement is a lie only if you know it's not true and choose to say it anyway. if you don't know the truth and say something as if it were truth, then it's bulls***.
Phil Alexander - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, McK - and thanks for commenting: 76 views so far, 5 votes but only one comment. Odd.
Ann Hammond - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
I like this and was in to dinosaurs as a kid. I also agree with McKludge but I don't think I'd call it bs.
Patrick - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Well written, sure to stir up some controversy. Maybe a creationist could answer using the same melody? Challenge!
LittleCupCakes - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
That is the way wih revelation . . . . the Author allows the Story to unfold in such a way, that current hearts & minds can understand it .
alvin - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
outstanding...my fave of the day
John Barry - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Sad indeed. Great parody. Speaking of which, my son steered me to a tour-de-force satire site: objectiveministries.org
AFW - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Some good points here, hard to argue with...you should be an attorney, Phil
Red Ant - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
I caught this via your link on the messageboard... I've done some bible research in the past few days: what a convoluted, contradictory mess it was. I didn't even get to the 'world is 6k years old part'... anyway, great parody, Phil: I really like the subs for "drove my Chevy to the levy". Re: praying, I love the Devil's Dictionary definition of the word: Pray (v): "To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy". Never the less, I'll ask the Porcelain God if there's anything he can do about Mitt as a running mate for McCain. ; )
Here's What Really Happened - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
During the last Ice Age, sea levels would have been much lower, and much of what is now seabed would have been dry land. Then, about 10-12,000 years ago, there was Global Warming, despite the complete lack of automobiles, because Al Gore wasn't around to stop it. As the ice melted and sea levels rose, much of civilization (which usually arises on or near the waterfront) would have been flooded. Writing was invented maybe 5-6,000 years ago, so in the intervening 5,000 years, the legends passed down by the survivors would have been transmogrified into what's in the written texts. Simple, huh? -- Tommy Turtle
Invisible Boy - May 28, 2008 - Report this comment
This is outstanding work Phil. Both as a parody and a commentary.
I know religion is a touchy subject with many (hell !...(oops) you've had 113 views in one day) but I couldn't agree more with your point of view.
I'll take it one step further and state that the real problem is monotheism. I mean, a male God who sits in the sky and judges us, and commands women to serve men...I'm laughing now.
Phil Alexander - May 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone :-)
JB - objectiveministries is a lot less like a parody than some non-parody sites...
IB - couldn't agree more
TT - you trying to start your own Turtle cult?
RA - make sure you make a colourful offering to the porcelain god :-)
Agrimorfee - June 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good commentary, even with little pacing questions here and there.
Favorite lines: "What errata in the strata?" "Lemmings, llamas, locusts, larks"
Below Average Dave - June 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Woah. . .holy crap that took some cahonas Phil. I've never been a big fan of American Pie, but you made it bareable. Your pacing wasn't perfect, but I 5'd it anyway because you could make it work, and your rhyming was superb. Most importantly, you just made a huge well supported argument for your beliefs in the form of lyrics without any hiccup. Though I've liked things by you in the past, this one blows them all away in both taking on a controversial subject and not being afraid to show your views. Though I think you may have a few who don't appreciate this, what I see here is a true masterpiece deserving of a victory in SOTY, much less SOTM.
Phil Alexander - June 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Holy cow... thanks, Dave :-D
Ag - they're two of my favourite lines, too :-)
Jason - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(S.O.T.Y sorry S.O.T.M) This was excellent! Wish i thought of this!
Matthias - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm catholic, but I know I'm smart enough to not argue this. This was very well thought out and although it's a lot like the rest of your parodies it was funny, it was smart, and it was one of the best parodies that you have written in awhile. This one really needs a recording although since you haven't recorded a lot of your Anti-Catholic songs yet you might lose some of your fanbase.
Gianni Parmesiani - June 12, 2008 - Report this comment
I try never to apologize for anything that comes out of my head, so any worries about this offending anyone should be banished from thought as well. It was well conceived, well thought out, and well done. It is just such a darn long song that it is daunting as an OS to me. Hats off!
Peter Andersson - June 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Picking up on the comments here I think I'll have to adress global warming in one of my parodies one of these days, and in kind of this way - because all this media hype about automobiles and plastic bags being to blame is utter crap. Here's the math: In the year 2000 there was 6 billions of us. In 2015 (give or take 1-2) it's gonna be 7 billions. 1 billion more in 15 years. Per day that's approx 180 000! (1 000 000 000 / (15 x 365) - check if you like). 180 000 new people per day farting methane! 180 000 new people per day needing a piece of nature transformed to a piece to live. 360 000 new lungs per day transforming oxygen into carbon dioxide... you get the point…
Max Power - June 22, 2008 - Report this comment
One of the more controversal works to date
Phil Alexander - June 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Matthias - I'm not anti-Catholic, per se... just rather catholic in my sacrilege ;-)
Gianni - no idea what you'd have to apologise for in that comment.. thanks. It *is* a darn long song, that you need to have a lot of subject matter to make it work.
Peter - howsabout "Global Warming" to "Crazy Horses"? That might work fairly well...
Max - have to admit that I find it fairly astounding that denying that there might have been floodwater covering the earth a few thousand years ago might be considered contraversial...
Phil Alexander - June 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Jason - all you have to do is have flaming on-line arguments with people, and you'll end up with loads of potential parody material :-)
Guy - June 28, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM-MAY-08)

The fence was straddled nicely here - quite objective and I like that. - not being slanted too much to one side, but albeit a bit on the left. A fine job on a controversial subject and a reasonable argument as to faith VS science. I side up with the faith side but there is still lots of room for healthy debate and that is a good thing. One's faith and view on our world is a personal thing. Agreeing to disagree is what makes us learn as we learn from one another. Some very smacking humor here and done in extreme good taste. One day my friend, the seeds that have been planted may sprout when a life changing event occurs which may sprout forth a different view. People change - but the Almighty is the same, yesterday, today and tomorow. Your scientific explanations always seems to lack as to how it actually began. But, who started it all? Neither of us on opposing sides of a fence can prove it either way. But to me a supreme being must be propelling it since it seems to me to be too much of a co-incidence to have bappened without some intelligence behind it. Fine write all the same.
bobpiecheese - June 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) While I still feel that the evolution theory is, in esssence, complete bollocks, you did argue your case well. Rather than start another argument (not my best skill), I'll just agree to disagree (though I will agree with Guy).
Red Ant - June 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I've commented on the parody itself: still a great read and masterfully written. I may thinking about this the wrong way, but do YEC types have an explanation as to why the universe is more than a few thousand light years across?
Jeff Reuben - June 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Very well written, both in terms of the debate and humor. Strangely, with all of the serious things brought up, I laughed hardest at "Where they drownded all arounded"
Invisible Boy - June 30, 2008 - Report this comment
I guess I offered my views a while back. This was just an excellent piece of work.
It is interesting the the "flood story" appears in cultures other than Christian. (Take the Donovonians for example..."Way Down Below The Ocean"...)
I just found out - September 15, 2008 - Report this comment
There has been a parody made to this song using the same tune in the opposite view called "Intellectual Guy".
Glen - March 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Your parodies challenge my adherence to the saying "I disagree with what you're saying, but I will defend to my death your right to say it"

The freedoms we have are amazing, and what I dislike about religion is that so very few can discuss it and interpret it critically. I think that is an important part of faith, to be able to question what is and find what feels right.

I have problems viewing it as faith VS science. As I see it, science is about understanding everything we can at the current time, and faith is about accepting everything we can't just yet. I feel like they're both different sides of the same coin. It's important to have stuff you know AND stuff you believe in.

anyhow, keep doing your thing, Phil
Phil Alexander - March 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Glen - what happens when the stuff you believe in is flat out contradicted by the stuff you know? This is very much the subject of this parody, where the physical evidence is incompatible with the biblical idea that the earth was created a few thousand years ago, and a global flood left only a handful of humans and animals still alive...

..anyway, thanks for looking and commenting, and I fully intend to keep doing my thing :-)
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2009 - Report this comment
A treat to read this again. (see above)

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