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Song Parodies -> "(Buy, Buy) An African Child"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"(Buy, Buy) An African Child"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

After sweating over Am Pie for three years, I've finally tackled it...Yay me! This is a very un-PC swipe at the celebrity adopt-a-sprog-from-over-the-pond fad currently sweeping through Hollywood
A long, long time ago,
Can you all remember
My Chihuahua in a carry-bag?
Now pocket pets are overdone
(Sir Tinkles wasn't that much fun)
And pooper scoopers were a freakin' drag!

But when I first saw Angelina
And Billy Bob (man, what a wiener!)
With an ethnic kiddie
I tell ya, I got giddy

And then Madonna, wise and brave
Bought a little angel (first name: Dave)
I knew it would be all the rage
To have
A coloured
Child

So..
I'd like me an African tyke
From Uganda or Rwanda: heck, they all look alike
I'll dress him up; buy him a brand new pushbike
If his name's too long I'll just call him "Spike"
Freakin' A! I'll just call him Spike!

Did I hear you whine and huff
When authorities I did pay off?
(L Ron Hubbard told me to)
I won't get those post-natal blues
The kid'll match my Jimmy Choos
And he'll be REAL, unlike the "child" of Cruise [Suri? Pfftt!]

Well, I think I'll fall in love with him
In between my workouts at the gym
And hot dates with Denzel
(Hey! Those two should get on quite well!)

I'm just a lonely, wealthy, movie star
Who ain't keen on stretch marks or caesarean scar
So some rugrat from Zanzibar
Will help boost my profile

You'll hear me shoutin'
Get get me a sprog from Tibet
One from Goa and Samoa: sh*t, I want the whole set!
I've got a nanny who'll step in when they're wet
It's much easier than owning a pet
Easier than owning a pet!

Now for years I've followed all the trends
And just like Brad, scored a gig on "Friends"
But style mags are not calling me
If the role requires, I can show I care
Like Bob Geldof, but with better hair
And a cut-price rainbow family!

Yes, I've heard the bitching and the jokes
(It weren't like this on Different Strokes)
Hey, I'm a selfless girl!
I bought "We Are The World"!
So while Paris parties with Lohan
I'm flying to Something-istan
Coz I heard they'll take cash-in-hand
An autograph and smile

I'll be pleading
Bring bring me a tot from Beijing
What a winner! I'll have dinner dates with Trudi and Sting
And Bono might well call me up for a fling
Oh what happiness the Third World can bring
Oh what joy the Third World can bring!

Chinese, Siamese; all are begging "try me!"
With their big eyes and their tiny hinies
It's more fun than Bloomingdaaaaaaaales!
Put in a call to Unicef
Before too long there'll be no kiddies left
Coz adopting's cooler now than saving whales

[but alas]
No more late nights with Orlando Bloom
Drinking absinthe at the Viper Room
Limey finished our romance
"Auf Wiedersehn" as they say in France
Said he didn't want to be a dad
And although he admires Brad
He couldn't warm to Chad from Chad
So I won't be his bride

It doesn't matter!
Damn, damn! Where's that baby from 'Nam?
Kids are needy: if I'm speedy, I'll beat Carmen and Pam
Those Baywatch babes emailed the dang Taliban
Asking "Whatcha got in Afghanistan?
What's for sale in Afghanistan?"

Oh, and now they're here, all at my place
On each, a different shade of face
Ashanti, Sun-Yoong Park and Doug [Doug??]
So come on! I'll be humble, they'll be cute
Oscar night's gonna be a hoot!
Can't wait to see the look on Jolie's mug!

Oh, and as they call me to the stage
To cry and lie about my age
And accept my award
The plebs will all applaud
And I will tell them all I "feel fulfilled"
And with love, bridges we can build
Also, polar bears should NOT be killed
And Mr Bush is VILE!

I feel so liberal!

Smile, smile little African child
Hug your brother, kiss your mother: I'll make it worth your while
I'm getting headlines, so I'll keep you awhile
Because I can see that Pfieffer's quite riled
Poor old washed up Pfieffer's quite riled!

[A month later]
I met a guy called Federline
Who was just divorced and lookin' fine
So shoot! We's gittin' hitched today!
I'm try'n to relaunch his career
And the cash spent on white vests and beer
Means you other three freeloaders cannot stay

And in their rooms, the children wept
I packed their bags, while K-Fed slept
Hey, chill out and relax, son
Your new pop's Michael Jackson [He's the King of Pops!]
And those three kids that I almost liked
The cute one, whatsername, and Spike
Their new dad's neither black NOR white
And strangely, that seems right

(He paid 3 million!)

Smile, smile, little African child
Your new father, he can love ya, now that he's not on trial
He's got a zoo; must be a real pet-o-phile
I'm afraid that motherhood's not my style
Motherhood is just not
my
style
(rpt)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 59

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 6
 4
 
 2   2
 2
 2
 
 3   2
 0
 3
 
 4   5
 5
 5
 
 5   45
 46
 45
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
K-Fed, Michael Jackson, Lindsy Lohan, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thorton, Modanna, L Ron Hubbard, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Bob Geldof, Trudi, Sting, Bono, Orlando Bloom, Carmen Electra, Pamula Anderson, and Pfieffer.... Somebody's been watching too much E! But seriously, great job on tackeling this monster of an OS
Cat - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
OH. MY. GOD. I am HOWLING. Favorite lines?

""Auf Wiedersehn" as they say in France"
"He couldn't warm to Chad from Chad"
"Their new dad's neither black NOR white And strangely, that seems right"

Oh, what the heck, I can't copy-paste the whole dang thing in here! TMGLTM.
The Black Dahlia - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
We ought to kick yer butt for making us wait 3 years for this masterpiece. And while I haven't read all the Pie parodies on this sight, I can't imagine many equal to this. Kudos and encore!
Jack Wilson - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
TMGLTM here Kristof. I havent said this here yet so I will, Afircan babies in, chihuauas OUT!
John Barry - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant satire!!
Spoof-Man - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job on a Deficulf song, Matthias has allready said what I would have so in the great words of Matthias "Somebody's been watching too much E! But seriously, great job on tackeling this monster of an OS"
Rick C - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Pure, unadulterated GENIUS ! Kristof, you've outdone yourself here and, that is saying something. 555++++++ :-)
alvin rhodes - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day...a masterpiece
Claude Prez - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
"Pet-o-phile", that's classic. The whole thing is just tremendous. Great great stuff.
Kristof Robertson - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Thank you so much Matty, Catty, Dahlia, Jacko, JAB, Spoofer, Rickster and the great Al-ando!
Now I know why I've avoided AP for so long: after exhausting every comedic angle I could think of, I still had 6 verses to complete! This is truly a monster of an OS, so cheers for giving the parody a look in.
Kristof Robertson - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Cheers, Claude: that was one of my faves as well!
Ann Hammond - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
I sang
Agrimorfee - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof, give yourself a pat on the back...a new classic. Every line a winner, and not a word gone to waste. I second Cat's list of lyric lines as Hall of Fame humor. abso555-lutely.
2Eagle - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
What if Bollywood measures up to Hollywood and Indians start acquiring white kids from American trailer trash? Bet that didn't occur to you.
Dylan Baranski - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny, that never occurred to me, 2Eagle. You know what else would be funny? It'd be funny if Bill Clinton sang this one (actually, there is a Bill Clinton version of American Pie floating around Limewire & such, & it's been misattributed to Weird Al).
Jason - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey Kristof! I thought this was bang-on excellent! Im still yet to write my first American Pie parody! 555s.
Red Ant - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Holy mother of parodies! TMOLTM (o for outstanding), 555++. I think I just read the Feb SOTM winner. Just wow.
malcolm higgins - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
can I adopt this little "black humour parody" as mine? awesome.
AFW - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Top shelf stuff here, Kristoff.....great goin.
Meriadoc - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow! Had to read this one twice it was so good! Loved the lines snuck in about the polar bears, saving the whales and the Bush bash line. Perfect portrayal of a Hollywood liberal. :-D
Yoidy - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
This was so damn funny, I laughed till my lungs were African! 555
crazy8snake - February 12, 2007 - Report this comment
ROTFLMAO........(breath) Awesome parody. everything else has been said
Peregrin - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved it ! Though, I was hoping to find some reference to Ether-nopians :)
Stuart McArthur - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
holy fricken frijoles! - like the roll of distant thunder I was just reading thru Latest Comments and the praise for this just seeped through the page like a dark stain - this is magnificent - this is your "Odysseus" KR because it joins it on that level, and I have to say I have mixed feelings because 1/ you've raised the bloody bar again and 2/ I can't bag you any more about not having done AmPie and 3/ those who haven't submitted an ambitious Feb SOTM parody entry yet might like to reconsider - loved "Something-istan" "Different Strokes"..............................yeah that's about it ;-) 555
Jack Wilson - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Also kinda reminds me of the Starvin Marvin episode of South Park,where they pull an Angelina Jolie/Madonna, and they did it before them!
Kristof Robertson - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, wow, WOW! Thanks so much Ann, Agri, Eagle, Dylan, Jase, Antman Jack, malc, AFW, Merry, Yoidy, crazy, Pip and of course Mr McArthur!
This was SO hard and took so many rewrites (I think the most I've ever done) that the response it's recieved made the effort worthwhile. It's a bit like being in labour for 26 hours and your baby coming out NOT looking like Ugly Betty. So once again, CHEERS (I'm off to have a lay down now....;-))
The Thought Police - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Suri? Yeah,I think I had some of that on my ice cream sundae! Tastes like cinnamon and butterscotch. Awsome writing there! 555!
Ravyn Rant - February 13, 2007 - Report this comment
OMG this is wonderful! We're not worthy! We're not worthy! 555
John Jenkins - February 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant! Excellent job of varying the chorus! The "Damn/Nam/Pam/Taliban" chorus was my fave, but it was all very clever.
Meriadoc - February 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Forgot to mention - you should definitely record this one, Kristof!
Below Average Dave - February 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Seconds Meriadoc's opinion. . .:)
Phil Alexander - February 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Marvellous, K. So non-PC I feel I ought to be reading it on a Mac ;-)
Wolverine - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
I discovered yesterday the bar for parodies on this site was high, but I think it's been raised just a bit higher!
Agrimorfee - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) ditto all that.
Darrell Wilhelm - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
"Auf Wiedersehn" or however the Hell it's spelled is actually German. Look at my last name. I should know.
Matthias - March 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Feed these fives to your kids, it helps put hair on their chest and build character
Max Power - March 10, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM-An allstar
Kristof Robertson - March 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Darrell: yes, I know "Auf Wiedersehn" is German- that's the joke. You see, the protagonist in this parody is a Hollywood airhead, and she's trying to act cultured, but....ah, it's no fun when you've got to explain 'em. Thanks for looking in anyway
A germanic pedant - March 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Auf wiedersehen ;-)
Jason - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Awesome job. 555
Below Average Dave - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It's only February, but I think that I just read 2007 SOTY, it's hard imagining anything quite like this. . .I would point out one line, but "So.. I'd like me an African tyke From Uganda or Rwanda: heck, they all look alike I'll dress him up; buy him a brand new pushbike If his name's too long I'll just call him "Spike" Freakin' A! I'll just call him Spike!" Woah. . .and every chorus was somewhat like that. . .I mean you worked in all those different third world countries so well. . .when you get back to recording, I want to hear this one. . .it's fantastic.
Fitu Petaia - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
you are so racist. 111
Aiatep Utif - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Mr Fitu, if I were you, I'd have given it a 5,1,1. You know why? Because I have courtesy to respect the pacing.
Fitu Petaia - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Im not worried about the pacing, its the racism. Think of all the poor starving African children in Africa and some clown writes something like this.
Oi Vey - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Racist? You didn't really read the song Fitu, do you think it'd have 27 positive votes if it was racist? It's about Celebrities abusing their status to take advantage of lax laws in African Countries, it has nothing to do with race. . .this is why you don't have a fan base Fitu--you have to take the time to actually READ parodies, not just make assumptions from the title and a few lines.
Kristof Robertson - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Fitu: I'm don't know why I'm even bothering to defend myself to you, but heck; I've got a spare 5 minutes. Oi Vey pretty much hit the nail on the head. If you really read the parody and understood it, you would see that the main character in the story is a Hollywood bimbo who has jumped onto the latest celebrity bandwagon of adopting third world children. Yes, I've portrayer her as ignorant, self absorbed and misinformed. Yes, the parody is possibly controversial. But racist? I get tired of any comment, work of art etc. that mentions race being branded racist. I'm poking fun at Hollywood, not Africa. I've just raised a substantial amount of money for Unicef, to help the "poor starving African children in Africa": does this sound like the action of a racist? You might not like my parody (that's fine), but DON'T wave the racist tag in front of my face, and DON'T call me a clown. You don't know me. 'Nuff said.

Oh, and belated thanks to everyone who GOT the joke, and supported this. Peace and happiness to EVERYONE
Fitu Petaia - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Sorry Kristof.
Stuart McArthur - March 17, 2007 - Report this comment
clownist
Cat - March 18, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above! Still a hoot!
Peter Andersson - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - So glad I'm trying to read/vote this month despite not being in the race myself. BTW, that makes me a non-race-ist myself, right?
The Charnstar - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - I'll take 5! and another... and another.... WEEE! SO MUCH ADOPTION
wannabemustangjockey - March 22, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Dare I say, Kristof, you scare me. Have you checked to see if you're actually human? Because your parodies have been really, really good in recent months...
tomario - March 23, 2007 - Report this comment
the comp should be renamed "can anyone beat kristof this month comp" you keep raising the bar and some of us are trailing in your slip stream. great stuff 555
Stuart McArthur - March 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) average..................(keels over)
Tim Mayfield - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Satirical, whimsical, astute. Kind of a catch-all parody here. Great job.
Johnny D - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A huge effort on a big topic by a Parody Giant!
Jack Wilson - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
This is African awesome one, ocne again!
Lee OJ - April 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Masterpiece. Outstanding.
Jason - May 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Still never fails to put a smile on my face. Simply brilliant. 'Nuff said.
Spencer - July 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant! I hated Madonna when she covered American Pie. Really good parody.
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
A brilliant look in on the celeberity lifestyle. A great parody mocking just about everybody.
Jeff Reuben - March 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Very timely at the time, and hilarious. One of the better American Pie parodies out there.
McKludge - March 30, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTY - Why did I not comment on this sooner? This is just amazing. Combining humor and social commentary is nigh impossible, but you nailed it. This will be near the top of my list.
Mikey Squirrel - March 31, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTY- Very exceptionally well done. A good topic put into a difficult-to-do song, bloody awesome.

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