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Song Parodies -> "Cliff's Away"

Original Song Title:

"Drift Away"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Dobie Gray

Parody Song Title:

"Cliff's Away"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

No, not a parody about the "Cheers" mailman. It's a little-known fact that... actually, no, it's a widely-known fact, since it's been blasted all over the news... that the Yankees failed to sign Cliff Lee. It's just as well: Lee's not nearly as good as Randy Johnson, and the Yankees DID get him, with disastrous results. Save the money for several players who WILL be worth it. What gets me is, Cliff and his wife said they wanted to stay with the Texas Rangers because it was "close to home." Benton, Arkansas, also known as the home of Wal-Mart, is 312 miles from Arlington, Texas. It's about the same distance from Yankee Stadium to Portland, Maine, or to Fredericksburg, Virginia. Does that sound like "close" to you? So he goes to Philadelphia? 1,168 miles away? I've seen pitchers having such trouble with their control that, metaphorically, they couldn't find the plate with a map. This one, apparently, can't even READ a map!
(instrumental opening)

Day after day, I'm more confused
why he didn't come here for to play his game.
You know that's a game that I hate to lose.
And now, who's to blame?
Is it a shame?

No, give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Beginning to think that we're wasting time
in thinking 'bout why these things he'll do.
Didn't like New York's fans, didn't like the clime?
Cliff, I counted on you
for telling me true.

Oh, give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

He was an agent free.
But our spending spree don't move him.
He don't want Pinstripes blue.
The ones of red, they soothe him.

Thanks for nothing, Clifton Phifer Lee.
I want you to know, I believe you're a dork.
No rhythm, no rhyme, no harmony.
You don't like New York?
So stick in a fork!

Oh, give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Whoa...
Give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Whoa, give him no cash, boys, and save your roll.
And let him help some other team reach goal.
Now Cliff's away.

Now, now, now, now
woncha
woncha get lost!
Oh, get lost!

(instrumental fadeout)
$120 million will buy a lot of cheesesteaks, pretzels and Yuengling beer. But can it buy a clue?

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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User Comments

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AFW - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I've drifted away from baseball since the Indians can't keep their scalps..but, I did hear about this big money turn-down. Very timely and topical write.
Old Man Ribber - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Michael - The very possibility that the Reds might get Cliff Lee in mid-season of last year set off a wave of hysteria and speculation unmatched in recent Queen City annals. I still shudder at the mention of his (overused) name. Perhaps unlike W.C. Fields, he really WOULD rather be in Philadelphia! Anyway, good job...I'd like to see you in George's place someday. ;D
Michael Pacholek - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
In a mausoleum in Florida? I know we've had our political differences, but... Anyway, I have a great way to make the Cincinnati Reds better: Dump Dusty Baker. Good guy, really good player, awful manager!
Cliff Lee's Wife - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Don't spit on me!
Michael Pacholek - December 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Ach... tui!
John Jenkins - December 19, 2010 - Report this comment
You are probably correct that Cliff Lee's career accomplishments will be less than Randy Johnson's. But the Yankees acquired Johnson when he was 41, somewhat past his prime. Cliff Lee is 32 and in the prime of his career. The Rangers might be better off not having signed Lee because they could not afford him. But the Yankees could have afforded Lee, so they are NOT better off without him.

I like your fork verse, and it will be interesting to see whether the Yankees or the Phils get the fork prematurely inserted in 2011.

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