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Song Parodies -> "You'll Never Be Top Gun Again"

Original Song Title:

"I'll Never Fall In Love Again"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Dionne Warwick

Parody Song Title:

"You'll Never Be Top Gun Again"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Poor Cruiser! The world's most famous Operating Thetan has had a rough run lately; so this little song is my way of offering him support and sympathy....not!
What do you get when you’re small and smug
And live in your L Ron Hubbard bubble?
Before you know, career’s in trouble
You’ll never be Top Gun again
You’ll never be Top Gun again!

What do you do when you’re hot for Holmes?
You leap around like a d*ck on Oprah
That ain’t no way to treat a sofa!
You’ll never be Top Gun again
You’ll never be Top Gun again!

Don’t bang on ‘bout your views, devout
You may well get a punch in the snout
You’re acting nuts now you’re past forty
Paramount said, “Take a hike, shorty!”

What can you do when the papers say
You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys?
Sure, you could sue; but Tom, expressly
You’ll never be Top Gun again
I’m tellin’ ya: you’ll never be Top Gun again

[INSTRUMENTAL]

Each time you speak, your words are bogus
Here’s a thought! You could run for POTUS!

Don’t get too bummed when your movies bomb
And getting work’s an Imposs’ble Mission
Hey bud; at least you’re not Mel Gibson!
He’ll never be Mad Max again
I’m tellin’ ya: you’ll never be Top Gun again

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   13
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 13
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ravyn Rant - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
"at least you're not Mel Gibson" was just one of the many excellent lines. This cracked me up. 555
Jason - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Welcome back Mr Kristof! I must admit I DKTOS but found this an entertaining read all the same. What do you think of my recent submissions?
AFW - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Right on target with this, Kristof ....clever stuff, indeed
alvin - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
love it....hard to feel sorry for the guy...he makes himself such a big target for making fun of
Jack Wilson - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
This freakin ruled Loved it Check out my parody today too
stuart mcarthur - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
brilliant wit, Kristof - poor old Tom (nice show of support though!) - I have to mention 3 genius bits: You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys?, Here’s a thought! You could run for POTUS!, He’ll never be Mad Max again (.........line break?)

...and I get to test out Chucky's new comment/vote/linebreak algorithm with this - wow - 555
Ann Hammond - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Entertaining read
John Jenkins - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellent stuff, Kristoff. TMGLTM, but "Imposs’ble Mission" stood out for me.
stuart mcarthur - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment
excuse me for a sec, Kristof...

hey guys...

in case you hadn't noticed...

Chucky has kindly returned our line breaks for us

(ah, that's better)

sorry Kristof.......carry on
Rick C - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Wonderful work Mr. Wobertson! I've always thought Tom Cruise was under qualified as an actor. He needs bashing more often. Loved the "Oprah-sofa" line, as well as the "Twenty Carson Kressleys?".
Kristof Robertson - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment
A belated thanks to each and everyone who commented and voted on this. I'll leave Tom alone for a while now.....
Agrimorfee - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC)Wish I knew who Carson Kressley was. In any event, well played, Kris. Here's a perfect score again.
Johnny D - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) From Top Gun to Bottom Towel-Snapper -- HOO-EE-baby, HOO-EE, HOO-EE-baby, HOO-EE, HOO-EE-baby, Tommy's gonna make us wanna, FLEE CRUISE!
Matthias - June 04, 2007 - Report this comment
"You’re queerer than twenty Carson Kressleys" Had to be my favorite line... I miss Queer Eye
Michael McVey - June 04, 2007 - Report this comment
True enough, but is there a minority report?
Arwen - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC...nice, KR. Poor Tom...he's just too easy of a target, isn't he?
stuart mcarthur - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment
(abc3y) wow, on second reading, more brilliance stands out - the oprah/sofa couplet, forty/shorty, Kressly/expressly, bogu/Potus, mission/Gibson, and none of them obvious or easy "gets" - that's some serious cleverness KR, from a true admirer
Mikey Squirrel - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC- This one had me jumping on the couch. Nicely done, Kristof.

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