We all know about the thyroid
Between our necks and collarbones.
The normal job of this gnarly gland
Is turn iodine into hormones.
But when you don’t get enough salt
Like some old Third World countries.
The thyroid starts-going haywire
Due to iodine deficiencies.
Choke on the Goiter, my neck is growing wild.
Choke on the Goiter.

My eyes now bulge like baseballs
My shirts don’t button down.
My larynx is plump like a melon
And my neck’s inflated-bloated-brown.
I now can’t face my best girl
She sort of frowns upon my goiter.
Spotted her today at the town mall
Ducked behind Sears to avoid ‘er.
Choke on the Goiter, it’s really hard to swallow.
Choke on the Goiter.

So I ended up in this freak show
I refused to let the Doc cut it out.
I drowned my sorrows in a bottle
Then got afflicted with a case of gout.
The real moral of this story
Is to go ahead and salt your fries.
And any other food that lacks flavor
Or your neck will grow into your eyes.
Choke on the Goiter, my head’s on overload.
Choke on the Goiter.